James 3:4

Okay. Maybe im blogging so much nowadays to make up for the lack of in the year. Hahahaha. (:

Anyway. doing my Tawg now.
And this hit me differently than it could, or usually would.

Well, I decided i should do my tawg now since im planning to watch my lovely movies when i get home later. And by the time they end, it would be so late and i would be so tired i wouldnt be able to spend such quality time with God.

So i went to my online bible and went to 2 Timothy, where i stopped the last time.
And i said to God,
God, what should i read today? What do you want to speak to me about?
And i felt in my heart - James 3:4

Okay.
So i turned to james 3.
It was about the Tongue and how powerful it can be, small as it may be.
So my first thought was: This has no relvance to the emotions i feel right now?

But i read on anyway.

And when i read vs 4,
it just had a different meaning for me.

James 3:4
4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.

Ships are LARGE.
but they are controlled by SMALL rudders.

I felt the Lord pres on my heart my current situation.
And this was what he impressed upon my heart:

My Life may be facing many strong winds right now.
They may be tossing me left to right violently.
But ultimately, its that small will within that can control how i react, how i feel towards the wind. It will control what my reaction to the wind will be.
It will control my direction i take in spite of the strong wind.

So in this situation, i have a say on what i should do.
Should i crumble under the pressure, or should i look to other things that still holds great hope and purpose for me? Do i dwell on the things that hurt me, or do i learn to let go and let God?

The christian faith isnt one for the faint hearted. This much i know.
But despite the pain, i will press on.
For my God is greater than all.
that i know for sure.


The next verse that hit me were 14 and 16:
14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.
16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

I find the words in these two verse make alot of sense to me.
So many times in my life have i been so selfish and envious of things.
And these things should not be boasted about, nor should they be denied.

Isnt that wisdom?
I always feel like making them known cos i want people to understand me and understand how i really feel. But perhaps that isnt the best option cos it may bring more harm than peace. But yet upon confrontation, they should not be denied. Because if they are confronted upfront, change will come. But if not confronted, they should be kept to yourself. Less you been seen as a selfish person with a small heart.

Aye. Now i know.
And i regret what i did.
That caused me to lose one of my best friends ever.
I really do regret.
And i wish i could do something to save the friendship.
But what can i do?
Aye. :/
Now i know.
Haha.

Lord,
I pray that you will come and bring a change in my heart and in my life.
I dont wanna keep living a life of secret vice, jealousy and pride. It will break me apart, and break the things i care about. God, you have been breaking me on the inside. Break me. Take my pride. And make me whole again. I know you have intended me for more than what i see before my eyes. Help me to trust you. Help me to trust myself. For i know that you have plans to prosper me. But all these have to take place first. I can see myself grow already. But Lord, help me not forget all that ive learnt this season. And as i step into the new season, Lord i know it will be a season of great harvest and plentiful grace. So Lord i thank you.
In Jesus name,
Amen.