and i really mean CRAZY!
Last week, i was totally stressed out over 3 things:
1. Bio Test
2. Music Fest
3. Nationals.
I was soooooooo stressed out and emo that chantel and jesselyn didnt know what to do with me. :P Haha.
But i really have to thank the both of them for their support. W/o them , i think i wouldnt have made it through the week. It was quite horrid. haha. (:
Well. (:
During the week i was totally struggling.
Gafar was totally uncontactable and i had no idea what else i should do for music fest and i really wanted to get into finals and do something amazing. and the fear and stress i was having whilst worrying about my performance was driving me nuts.
On top of that, i was worrying about my bio test cos i didnt get to study it at all until the day before because i've been training and getting ready for my competition, which i didnt feel that ready for either.
And in desperation, i said in faith- God, i need a miracle.
And i stand(sit) here today, happy to declare that the Lord has indeed granted me a miracle.
3 miracles, in fact.
3 solutions to all i had worried about.
SO.
My discus last tues wasnt too bad.
I got 4th position. From the 2nd to the 4th.
28.49m.
I wouldnt say its my best cos i think i could have done better, but im proud to say that i tried my best and i guess im really okay with not getting top 3 la. (: What to do. haha.
But after that competititon, i really felt very pumped up and excited about shot putt. So i guess it was quite a good morale booster. Thank God.
After that, i had to worry about my bio test because i really havent studied for it at all.
Well, i managd to stay up and get some or most info into my head, and thankfully, whatever that was important remained in my brain when i did my test. Im not sure if i passed or failed, but i think i did good because i managead to finish the paper and i feel quite satisfied with the outcome of it. (: So thank God for that miracle, really. (: It was amazing. Seriously.
Although by then my bio test was over, i was still very very worried about my musicfest semis.
Just then, Jessica encouraged me by sending me an sms and by encouraging me with the courage that she has to face her trails and the faith she is holding on to which is only growing stronger. It really encouraged me, but i was still worried.
lol.
On friday, i still hadnt chosen a new song, i still couldnt find gafar, i was still freaking out.
Somehow during the day, i kept feeling in my heart the song "I could only imagine." And i felt the Lord remind me about something i said to him, that i would do a song that honours him for music fest, and in return he will honour me for it. I remembered that, but i still felt uncomfortable singing that song because i felt like it was boring and had no climax when i did it on the guitar on my own at home.
But somehow, i just knew in my heart that that was the song i should do. That that was the song of that season. So on impulse, i decided on it and told Thomas i was changing to that song, with a guitar and nothing else.
I was still really nervous about it.
That evening.
That friday evening. After training,
LinXin begged to hear me sing my song because she woulndt be there to hear it.
At the same time, Mervyn adn Jesselyn came by and they too asked to hear it.
Somehow, i didnt cringe, i didnt avoid it, but i gave in to the request.
I felt like performing it for them.
So Mervyn adn Jesselyn went to kope a guitar from the sailors for me to use. And when i sat on the benches outside the gym with the guitar, as ppl walked by, they stopped to listen. So from a group of 3, it grew to a group of about 10 ppl. Half of which knows me.
I sat there, a little shy, yet more daring. I felt energy and faith grow from within and i made a disclaimer that i didnt know the lyrics. So i just sang what i felt from within, from my heart, with my instincts. I plyed the guitar and sang My chains are gone and then I can only Imagine.
And there and then, i knew that indeed that was the song i was meant to sing for my semis.
That was the song that not I had chosen, but God had chosen for his Glory. (:
No he's not being selfish, but that was the song that really expressed who i was, and totally showed what i can do vocally and emotionally. It was a great song.
And whne i performed it there, there was onyl one word to describe the atmosphere:
Magical!
I felt like there was magic in that place, and my vocals were perfect, just the way i wanted it, just the texture. It was perfect. And i believe the rest fell it too. My audience were thrown in a deep intense silence as my voice resonated through the great space that there was between me and the rest of the world. I couldnt keep my voice to myself because it would hinder my range. So i just threw my voice out, not caring about who else would hear because i just wanted to perform. (: It was amazing.
So i checked up the lyrics of the song, tried it one or two times on the guitar to settle the chords and tried to memorise the lyrics cos i obviously didnt know ti. :P Haha. The verse la.
The next day started with the semis.
I dressed up, practiced once, warmed up my voice a little then went to report at the PT. I wasnt excly that nervous, but i was anticipating competition. I know VJ has many vocal talents so i was checking out my competition and psyching myself up for it at the same time.
During then , i decided to dedicate my performance to God because he was the one who helped me pck that song, and i felt in my heart it was for his Glory, and i wanted to do it for his Glory. So i told God that if he has intended for me to enter the comp, then i will get in, and even if i dont, well, i still enjoyed the experience and that is good enough. (:
When it was my turn, i went up onstage.
I was really nervous back stage so i did my own stupid stuff backstage and i managed to calm down. When i went onstage, i was prepared to sing, and i had this awesome big spotlight shining on me. (: I was so ready. :D
So i introduced myself and i sang with all my heart.
There were a few screw ups like STILL forgetting my lyrics and having to make them up, dropping my guitar pick and ending up looking like im scratching my ass, and nearly dropping my guitar. Haha. :P
But despite all these obstacles, i remained calm and managed to get through the whole performance well and having all the emotions i wanted to have get across. My vocals were relatively good that day and i managed to hit the high notes well so that was good. (: and i was pretty confident about my performance. I even saw the judges clapping! :D Yay me! :P hahaha.
But i felt that my performance for the small group on friday was still better. :(
BUt nevertheless, God was there ,and i really felt God there with me. (: It was awesome.
After my performance, many ppl congratulated me and told me i sang really well and many of them cried, Yupp. CRIED, TEARED etc. I was kinda stunned. :P I never knew nor expected that my performance would be so powerful. I was really glad that the feeling and magic that i felt and wanted to share got across well and im glad the audienced enjoyed my performance. (:
What was most encouraging was that this girl from SC came up to me and really encouraged me. She said that she admired my bravery to choose those songs cos they were christian songs. She also said that I sang with my heart and with genuine sincerity that moved the audience and that it was evident that i was honouring God and giving God all the glory during my performance and during the song and she said that was probably the best thing about my performance.
That really encouraged me because i felt glad that i had honoured God and giving God the glory with my talent that he had given to me. Though i used the song under the disclaimer that it was shown in a video shown to the J1s, i also mentioned that it was about the Father's love. Not only the Father's love in the video, but also, the alpha-father's love. (: And i just wanted to give God all the glory i could there and then, and im glad i did. (: I guess its a natural thing. haha. (:
Ah well.
So that was a load off my mind because i did good.
and after training, i received a message to inform me i made finals. (:
So it really was a miracle and a blessing from God relaly. (:
A miracle indeed.
This is one of the ways God turns bad things into your good.
Things came out so much better with the new last minute performance. (:
Thank God.
Oh. And that saturday, i was really really glad that i managed to catch piwei for a Hannah Piwei session before he left. (: We caught up while on our way to Kinnon's party. (: really really glad i caught him Hahaha. (: We caught up quite abit and im really really happy we're still really close. (: So i cant wait for his letter from melbourne! x)
OKAY.
SO!
The last thing i was worried about was my shot putt.
I refused to let myself think about having no competition because it would only hinder my performance and if i were to really think that way, i should just do stand throws and win the event. But i really wanted to break the record of 11.53m and get a good distance to give me a chance to qualify for SEA games junior and World Youth. Proably going ASEAN la. lol.
I decided not to think about the comp till that day cos i concluded i might get excited a little too early and end up having no more mental strength left for that day. So i didnt think about it till that day itself. Ate a whole lot at dinner the day before and made myself 3 pancakes for breakfast. :) Haha. Lots of energy for the day ahead. (:
My throws were quite screwed and i got quite worried during my throws. Heh.
My 1st throw was 9m. O.o
like, OMG!!!!
HANNAH THREW 9M!
Thats TERRIBLE! LOL.
My seniors got a shock too. I got a shock too. T-T
How terrible was that.
After that my furthest throw was 10.8m all the way till the lat throw which saved me. A 11.46m.
7cm away from the record.
The moemnt i saw it, i started screaming both in happiness and in anguish.
Happiness cos i hit a good 11+m,
anguish because i missed the record by a mere 8cm.
How sad was that.
But i still thank God for the miraculous last throw.
It saved me. Seriously.
Thank God. (;
I really feel like i deserve the medal this year.
I love the medal. and i really thank God for the miracle.
Its really a miracle. (:
AND i qualify for SEA GAMES JUNIOR. :D
Thank you Lord Jesus.(:
So.
I received a miracle when i had asked for one. (:
Indeed, i serve a faithful God.
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