Struggling.

Today i wanted to have an extra session of training and throwing and the whole idea of integrating speed from a lighter shot into a heavier one was really really smart and good and intriguing and i was absolutely looking forward to having training and training myself on that. However, things didnt go the way i had hoped.

As i started throwing, a few muscles started to ache. And it wasnt like ache ache. It was a strain or a pull at a few places and it hurt so bad i had to stop throwing. And i couldnt walk properly after that.

I was relaly upset with myself cos the past few days i havent been throwing well and my body has been giving up on me once in awhile. I felt the pressure on myself building up everytime i thought about how i might not make it to the various overseas comps i wanna go so so so very badly for. :(

And when i got injured today, somewhat at least, it really took a toll on me. If not for some distractions i had when i returned to the track table, i would have gone to a corner and cry. I dont understand why im not performing as well as i should, i dont understnad why my body's starting to give up on me, i dont understnad why im slowly giving up on myself.

Its getting tiring.
It really is.

My studies arent doing so well either.
I hate the fact that i cant understand and im not putting in enough effort to try. It just sucks la. I cant seem to understand half of what im learning now, and its only the beginning. Lord, help me.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!