Yesterday, i checked out several competitions that i had aimed to go and compete for for this year. And most of the results were to my utter disappointment plus horror.
1) I cant go for Asian Youth because im too OLD. T_T 1 Year too late. :(
2) To qualify for Sea Games Junior, i need to throw at least 11.65m during an official competition.
3) To qualify for World Youth held in ITALY, i have to throw 12.50m
O_O
seriously.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Anyway.
Today i had VOG shot putt event.
As somewhat expected, i didnt do that well.
I really wanted to though, but it just didnt come through today.
I felt kinda tired and i really wanted to sleep before the event. Lol.
But i still gave it my all, but yet i hit a mere 10.50m. T-T
Though i totally trashed the record.
But it was still horrendously disappointing i didnt hit my 11m.
Everyone who knows me is anticipating me to hit my 11m.
And i can imagine my competitors cheering loudly when i hit an official 11m because they're really awesome competitors. (:
Aye.
The best part is, i threw 11m after my official 6th throw. T-T
Me and Fush were stunned man.
And i was sooooooooooo pissed, seriously.
Coach wasnt too happy with Fush's and my distances as well.
lol. Its relaly horrible esp when you constantly hit 11m during training. T-T
At least it was a constant 10.5 i guess... Which means im ready to shoot even higher cos the mark has been broken even. and with an extra good throw, i should be able to hit even further.
Im really contemplating training everyday.
It seems like if i dont train on some day, my body looks for action on its own. lol.
Im thinkign of taking abt an hour after school on tues and thurs to throw because my archilles heel is really my technique. So i need to find a way to correct it, or risk opportunities to represent Singapore. :( *Sigh..*
Anyway.
After throws, we had some gym training.
And i nearly died.
Literally.
Clean was pretty managable.
I did 50kg but i felt great and perhaps could do heavier weight.
Step up was a killer.
I did 45kg for 10x5 and i really had to grit my teeth and get through the exercise. I usually do 40kg, so i guess 45kg was a big leap for me. Well, it really made me exhausted and tired out and i shouted while doing the exercise to get myself to continue the exercise. It was terribly strainious.
The thing that kept me going was the thought "World youth... World Youth... World Youth... You have to train to get to World Youth..." And that really made me push myself to my limits. I felt everyone's eyes on me, and mind you, the gym was full of ppl then. But i didnt care. I couldnt. If i were to lose concentration by a bit, i think i would have lost it or something. Aye.
But i did complete the sets and by the end of it, i was so darned tired out i just collapsed onto my knees and panted for awhile. It was quite bad i think. lol.
After that we had to do bench. I seriously hadnt recovered but i still went to try anyway.
The moment i lifted the 40+kg off the stand to do my warm up, my arms collapsed, i lost my senses and the next thing i knew, the entire bar/weight fell onto me. Somehow, instead of falling onto my chest, it fell onto my stomach.
I screamed, obviously. its no joke having a 40+kg thing fall onto your body. And it took about 3 seconds before anyone reacted. Lol. Then Huijuan and Fush helped me carry the bar back onto the stand and i fell off the chair. I wasnt exacly in pain but i wasnt exacly ecstatic either. Well, obviously. Lol.
I was quite tired plus a little not in touch with my senses at that point of time. It was like a point of exhaustion that you might faint if you pushed yourself anymore. Lol. I think its probably one of the worst exhaustion ive ever had yet. In Vj, that is. Lol.
But i thank God im still alive. I dont think the 40kg would have killed me, but if it had landed on my chest, i might have died, or at least land in hospital for a good long time. And really miss my comps. I really thank God because come to think of it, my hands were somewhat lead to move infront and the bar was pretty well dropped onto my abdomen. The best part it, when it landed, it wasnt a hard heavy land, but it was soft and cushioned. Maybe im just fat. But still, it could have hurt or injured my organs. yet nothing was damaged.
Thank God im still alive.
After that, my coach told me to rest and he wanted to reduce some of the exercises.
As i rested and walked around, i felt like crying. Actually, i did. I was upset and angry with myself. I was disappointed that i couldnt reach 11m, i was disappointed that there was a possibility that i wouldnt make it far, i was sad that i may never get to go furthur than Asean. I was afraid that i may never reach 13m, nor go past anywhere i was now. I was disappointed that my body gave way to exhaustion in such a dramatic way.
After ahwile, i pulled myself together and forced myself to stop crying. I rested, took it easy, and then continued with my training. After awhile, my body got its energy back and i decided to complete the entire training, without the slack coach had granted to me. And I felt really glad tha ti made it through training.
I feel even more thankful to my teammates. (:
They really cared for me and constantly cheered me on and supported me and checked on me wherever i went and in whatever i did. And that really touched my heart. Thank God for such an awesome team, really. (:
Ah well.
I need to push myself if i really wnat to get to the top.
Or at least get somewhere. haha. (:
Lord, like i said to you, I put it in your hands. I will work hard, but whether i really make it or not, i put it in your hands for you to decide. If you will for me to go, AWESOME. But even if you dnt, it makes no difference for i will still trust in your decisions. For your ways are greater than mine. And I seek to honour you in everyway that i can. So Lord, Be Glorified in all ways.
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