Draw me nearer.

God touched me again.

Life has been perfectly normal. Ive been doing well in school, having fun, enjoying life, spending time with God. But somehow, i felt odd in church this weekend, and God met me this weekend.

During cell, i was pretty okay. Pretty normal and awesome as usual. But when Bro vic showed us a picture of a tree and kids all over the place doing different things, he asked us to choose one and say why it shows where you are in your walk with God.

I chose 2 kids. One girl sitting idly on a branch and one boy lying on the groud feeling dizzy from a fall. I hated to admit i felt like the boy on the ground cos i never like to show myself as weak or down in my walk with God, esp since im an SP. But somehow, i knew that if the cell were to start opening to each other and grow together, i had to start the ball rolling. For my own good, i had to let my cell and leaders know. For my own good, i had to admit to myself where i really was.

I said i was like the girl because i feel like im just sitting on a high branch waiting for things to happen, observing my view, looking out for what i can do, what destiny God has to bring. Its like waiting for God to lead me to make something happen.

But yet i was like the boy. Because i feel like i've fallen. And when i started on the boy, i broke out in tears, and i dont know why. I guess it hurt to admit that i had fallen. It hurt to face what i really feel. I felt like i've fallen away from where i was with God, i felt like i was losing myself and my values. I felt that i had lost many things and i felt confused and alone. And just like the boy, sitting on the ground feeling dizzy, i had fallen. And thats how i really felt because i dont seem to know what to do any longer.

After that, i did stop crying. lol. Then we sang Jesus loves me together, and it started again. Then i stopped after pairing up with Shalyn and Davelle and sharing with them how i felt and all. It was wierd cos i really had no idea why i was crying because i felt fine. Maybe it was the presence of God and i didnt even know it. lol.

shalyn shared with me this verse from James that said the testing of faith comes perseverence. And i had to persevere on with the testing of my faith. Yes God, i will go on beause i know that your way is better than mine. After that, i quickly made my way to chapel to serve.

I stepped onto stage really feeling okay and ready to serve. But God wasnt done with me yet. Instaed of the usaul Praise and worhsip, God turned things around. Pastor Andy called for an altar call for a few things. Emptiness, suicide, self worth and a few more. At first i didnt feel like answering it because, well, i was serving and how odd is it to disappear to the altars and let the whole ministry know that you're answering the altar call? Once again, i didnt want to seem weak in any area. So i stood my ground.

So i thought.

Well, the moment the team starting singing draw me nearer, i broke down. I couldnt sing. I was just stuck on the spot crying. So i gingerly put down my mic and went to the altars and knelt down before the Lord. To why or what it was, i had no answers. No one did. It was odd. Really odd.

Bro titus came and prayed for me. And even he said that i was Feeling something no words could describe. And indeed, no words could describe how i felt,. Then he prayed for the love of God and the love of the Holy Spirit to wrap around me and dig deep inside my heart. To warm my spirit and to break the spirit of condemnation. Condemnation of what? I dont know. Maybe God will reveal in the days to come, but i was really touched as i felt the Love of God surround me once again. To feel the presence of God so near his breath was only a tear apart. I felt comforted. I felt moved.

Then pastor Andy shared about Martha and Mary. And it really spoke to me. Instead of always fighting and fighting to stand strong, i should be still and embrace the presence of the Lord. For that is enough. Just like an empty vessel that lets the power of God fully flow through.

Then just as i thought altar call was going to end, Bro Victor came to pray for me. Though at the back of my mind i thought "what a joker", but deep in my heart i was glad he came. And he prayed a powerful prayer that spoke to my heart. That i must hold on to the promises of God in my life and believe in mypurpose in VJ. That i will be the warrior of God that God has intended me to be. And that i need not fight so hard, but allow the Lord to fight for me.

And after that, was communion and service per normal. I felt really refreshed and comforted after altar call. It was amazing. God met me once again and truely surprised me. Because i did not expect to meet God in such a way that saturday.

Indeed Lord, draw me closer to you. Its my heart's cry and desire to sit close to your feet. To serrve you with all my heart. And to see hope rise and see people come to know you for who you are. Just as i have, lord. Indeed, draw me closer to you. I desire to be closer to you.

Draw me nearer to you
Neare to you
Fill my life with your presence
The way you want to
Till my soul is ablaze
Each and everyday
Draw me nearer
Nearer to you