Life's such a mystery.

Life is such a mystery.
There's like so much going through my mind i cant exacly point out what im thinking.
What am i thinking?

Last sat, sis Varina came up to me and said she had a word for me.
"Dont compare, just be yourself."
At first, i found it kinda odd but important. And so i asked her to msg it to me.
And after she did, well, i did chuck it aside, somewhat.

Until recently, a sudden thought dropped into my head about the whole thing.
And i realised how relevant it was.
How i seemed to be losing myself as i changed with my environment.
As i stopped ferevently standing up for what i believe is right.
As i started to face a brunt of unfamilier wind.

What was happening to me?

Then i remembered sis Varina's note
And i whipped out my phone and looked for it. And the words
"Dont compare, Just be yourself" popped out to me.
I also noticed the "Be it in school or in worship min etc..."
And it really struck my heart.
What made me unhappy in subtle ways.
Why sometimes i didnt seem content to be where i was, who i was.

It was because of comparison.
Comparing my position to others.
Comparing what i was before and what i was now.
Comparing my differences with others.
Comparing.
COmparing.
Comparing.

Until i forgot who i was.
Until i forgot that God had set me aside with a different destiny.
Until i forgot the promises of God laid over my life.

Who am i?
Where is that Hannah that would never waver from what she believed in?
What was i thinking?

Good Girl Gone Bad indeed.

And it hurt to think i was losing myself.
It hurt even more to think i had let myself come close to hurting God.
It hurt the most to compare.

Why compare, Hannah?
Just be yourself.
You are unique and your circumstances are differnt.
You dont have to follow the world because they arent the ones that forge your destiny.
YOU ARE!

You're in VJ.
Everyone who got in got in through either brains or brawns.
And most of them are brains.
Why compare?
You know you're the kind that needs to work hard.
You know you're the kind that needs to be consistent.
You know you need to add an extra effort to do as well as the rest.
STOP COMPARING ALREADY!

You're in worship.
Things are changing there.
We're going a new direction.
We have crossed over.
Why do you keep looking back and remeninscing the old?
Why do you keep embracing the way of the old when the way of the old is no longer applicable in the new season?
STOP COMPARING ALREADY!

God. Has set me apart.
God, has given me gifts that i have that many may not be blessed with.
God, has chosen me for a different purpose.
Hence, many things in my life are not going the way i intended it to be because what seems right in my eyes may not nessecarily be what God sees as best in his eyes.

God intended me to be great.
Why settle for anything less than ordinary?
And to be the person and victorian (pun not intended), i need to trust in God and in myself.
I tend to forget to trust both God and myself. I need to trust God because he knows what he's doing, as he always has, and i need to trust myself. Because only when i truely be who i am and only when i follow what is true to my heart, then i will be happy and satisfied with life.

Why compare?
Just be yourself.
And know that God is still God.