3 Miracles. (:

The past 2 weeks have been crazy.
and i really mean CRAZY!

Last week, i was totally stressed out over 3 things:
1. Bio Test
2. Music Fest
3. Nationals.

I was soooooooo stressed out and emo that chantel and jesselyn didnt know what to do with me. :P Haha.
But i really have to thank the both of them for their support. W/o them , i think i wouldnt have made it through the week. It was quite horrid. haha. (:

Well. (:
During the week i was totally struggling.
Gafar was totally uncontactable and i had no idea what else i should do for music fest and i really wanted to get into finals and do something amazing. and the fear and stress i was having whilst worrying about my performance was driving me nuts.

On top of that, i was worrying about my bio test cos i didnt get to study it at all until the day before because i've been training and getting ready for my competition, which i didnt feel that ready for either.


And in desperation, i said in faith- God, i need a miracle.
And i stand(sit) here today, happy to declare that the Lord has indeed granted me a miracle.
3 miracles, in fact.
3 solutions to all i had worried about.

SO.
My discus last tues wasnt too bad.
I got 4th position. From the 2nd to the 4th.
28.49m.
I wouldnt say its my best cos i think i could have done better, but im proud to say that i tried my best and i guess im really okay with not getting top 3 la. (: What to do. haha.
But after that competititon, i really felt very pumped up and excited about shot putt. So i guess it was quite a good morale booster. Thank God.

After that, i had to worry about my bio test because i really havent studied for it at all.

Well, i managd to stay up and get some or most info into my head, and thankfully, whatever that was important remained in my brain when i did my test. Im not sure if i passed or failed, but i think i did good because i managead to finish the paper and i feel quite satisfied with the outcome of it. (: So thank God for that miracle, really. (: It was amazing. Seriously.

Although by then my bio test was over, i was still very very worried about my musicfest semis.

Just then, Jessica encouraged me by sending me an sms and by encouraging me with the courage that she has to face her trails and the faith she is holding on to which is only growing stronger. It really encouraged me, but i was still worried.

lol.

On friday, i still hadnt chosen a new song, i still couldnt find gafar, i was still freaking out.
Somehow during the day, i kept feeling in my heart the song "I could only imagine." And i felt the Lord remind me about something i said to him, that i would do a song that honours him for music fest, and in return he will honour me for it. I remembered that, but i still felt uncomfortable singing that song because i felt like it was boring and had no climax when i did it on the guitar on my own at home.

But somehow, i just knew in my heart that that was the song i should do. That that was the song of that season. So on impulse, i decided on it and told Thomas i was changing to that song, with a guitar and nothing else.

I was still really nervous about it.

That evening.
That friday evening. After training,
LinXin begged to hear me sing my song because she woulndt be there to hear it.
At the same time, Mervyn adn Jesselyn came by and they too asked to hear it.
Somehow, i didnt cringe, i didnt avoid it, but i gave in to the request.
I felt like performing it for them.

So Mervyn adn Jesselyn went to kope a guitar from the sailors for me to use. And when i sat on the benches outside the gym with the guitar, as ppl walked by, they stopped to listen. So from a group of 3, it grew to a group of about 10 ppl. Half of which knows me.

I sat there, a little shy, yet more daring. I felt energy and faith grow from within and i made a disclaimer that i didnt know the lyrics. So i just sang what i felt from within, from my heart, with my instincts. I plyed the guitar and sang My chains are gone and then I can only Imagine.

And there and then, i knew that indeed that was the song i was meant to sing for my semis.
That was the song that not I had chosen, but God had chosen for his Glory. (:
No he's not being selfish, but that was the song that really expressed who i was, and totally showed what i can do vocally and emotionally. It was a great song.

And whne i performed it there, there was onyl one word to describe the atmosphere:

Magical!

I felt like there was magic in that place, and my vocals were perfect, just the way i wanted it, just the texture. It was perfect. And i believe the rest fell it too. My audience were thrown in a deep intense silence as my voice resonated through the great space that there was between me and the rest of the world. I couldnt keep my voice to myself because it would hinder my range. So i just threw my voice out, not caring about who else would hear because i just wanted to perform. (: It was amazing.

So i checked up the lyrics of the song, tried it one or two times on the guitar to settle the chords and tried to memorise the lyrics cos i obviously didnt know ti. :P Haha. The verse la.

The next day started with the semis.

I dressed up, practiced once, warmed up my voice a little then went to report at the PT. I wasnt excly that nervous, but i was anticipating competition. I know VJ has many vocal talents so i was checking out my competition and psyching myself up for it at the same time.

During then , i decided to dedicate my performance to God because he was the one who helped me pck that song, and i felt in my heart it was for his Glory, and i wanted to do it for his Glory. So i told God that if he has intended for me to enter the comp, then i will get in, and even if i dont, well, i still enjoyed the experience and that is good enough. (:

When it was my turn, i went up onstage.

I was really nervous back stage so i did my own stupid stuff backstage and i managed to calm down. When i went onstage, i was prepared to sing, and i had this awesome big spotlight shining on me. (: I was so ready. :D

So i introduced myself and i sang with all my heart.

There were a few screw ups like STILL forgetting my lyrics and having to make them up, dropping my guitar pick and ending up looking like im scratching my ass, and nearly dropping my guitar. Haha. :P

But despite all these obstacles, i remained calm and managed to get through the whole performance well and having all the emotions i wanted to have get across. My vocals were relatively good that day and i managed to hit the high notes well so that was good. (: and i was pretty confident about my performance. I even saw the judges clapping! :D Yay me! :P hahaha.

But i felt that my performance for the small group on friday was still better. :(

BUt nevertheless, God was there ,and i really felt God there with me. (: It was awesome.

After my performance, many ppl congratulated me and told me i sang really well and many of them cried, Yupp. CRIED, TEARED etc. I was kinda stunned. :P I never knew nor expected that my performance would be so powerful. I was really glad that the feeling and magic that i felt and wanted to share got across well and im glad the audienced enjoyed my performance. (:

What was most encouraging was that this girl from SC came up to me and really encouraged me. She said that she admired my bravery to choose those songs cos they were christian songs. She also said that I sang with my heart and with genuine sincerity that moved the audience and that it was evident that i was honouring God and giving God all the glory during my performance and during the song and she said that was probably the best thing about my performance.

That really encouraged me because i felt glad that i had honoured God and giving God the glory with my talent that he had given to me. Though i used the song under the disclaimer that it was shown in a video shown to the J1s, i also mentioned that it was about the Father's love. Not only the Father's love in the video, but also, the alpha-father's love. (: And i just wanted to give God all the glory i could there and then, and im glad i did. (: I guess its a natural thing. haha. (:

Ah well.

So that was a load off my mind because i did good.

and after training, i received a message to inform me i made finals. (:

So it really was a miracle and a blessing from God relaly. (:

A miracle indeed.

This is one of the ways God turns bad things into your good.

Things came out so much better with the new last minute performance. (:

Thank God.

Oh. And that saturday, i was really really glad that i managed to catch piwei for a Hannah Piwei session before he left. (: We caught up while on our way to Kinnon's party. (: really really glad i caught him Hahaha. (: We caught up quite abit and im really really happy we're still really close. (: So i cant wait for his letter from melbourne! x)

OKAY.

SO!

The last thing i was worried about was my shot putt.

I refused to let myself think about having no competition because it would only hinder my performance and if i were to really think that way, i should just do stand throws and win the event. But i really wanted to break the record of 11.53m and get a good distance to give me a chance to qualify for SEA games junior and World Youth. Proably going ASEAN la. lol.

I decided not to think about the comp till that day cos i concluded i might get excited a little too early and end up having no more mental strength left for that day. So i didnt think about it till that day itself. Ate a whole lot at dinner the day before and made myself 3 pancakes for breakfast. :) Haha. Lots of energy for the day ahead. (:

My throws were quite screwed and i got quite worried during my throws. Heh.

My 1st throw was 9m. O.o

like, OMG!!!!

HANNAH THREW 9M!

Thats TERRIBLE! LOL.

My seniors got a shock too. I got a shock too. T-T

How terrible was that.

After that my furthest throw was 10.8m all the way till the lat throw which saved me. A 11.46m.

7cm away from the record.

The moemnt i saw it, i started screaming both in happiness and in anguish.

Happiness cos i hit a good 11+m,

anguish because i missed the record by a mere 8cm.

How sad was that.

But i still thank God for the miraculous last throw.

It saved me. Seriously.

Thank God. (;

I really feel like i deserve the medal this year.

I love the medal. and i really thank God for the miracle.

Its really a miracle. (:

AND i qualify for SEA GAMES JUNIOR. :D

Thank you Lord Jesus.(:

So.

I received a miracle when i had asked for one. (:

Indeed, i serve a faithful God.

I made it.

I made the finals of Music Fest.

Thank God. (:

Stressed out.

Too many things have been happening all at one shot.
Competition.
Test.
Music Fest.

And im fretting over every single one.

Competition's next tuesday but i dont seem to be performing.
I try hard during training but i seem to be hitting no where near the record.
And everytime i look at it, i feel like its within my reach, but i just cant and i dont know why.
I dont feel excited.
I dont feel nervous.
I dont feel anything and that scares me.

A voice within tells me to just take the gold cos its obviously mine.
And that makes me even more scared cos it shows that i really have lost that fighting spirit i used to have. I used to believe i was the only one that i needed to beat. But right now, i seem to have lost that too.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!

Then test.
Tmr/Today i have a bio test.
2 BIG chapters.
And i didnt get to study till today.
Its so horrible cos im trying to focus on my competition and i have no time on my hands to do my work and train and study at the same time! :(
So tmr's bio test...
si liao la...

And Music Fest.
My beat boxer is MIA.
I cant contact him and no one knows where in the world he is right now.
He hasnt been in school, his hp is off...
I dont know what im going to do cos the semis are in 2 days time, and we havent practiced and weicong hasnt come up with anything on his part cos he needs the beat boxing.
Oh God.
I have half the mind to leafve the competition and forget about music fest.

I need a miracle.

Im totally maxed out.

Discus. 28.49

Here's a video of my Discus i did today. (:

Coach Jana videoed me and very very kindly sent it to my for my reference to look at the mistakes i made. (:

Well, today was nationals and my event discus.
Which if you know me, is not my pet event. (:
Well, i did expect a medal to a certain extent cos my discus is relatively good.
But i didnt get one, and im not too sad about it.

Its not my pet event.
I dont train hard on it.
What do i have to lose? (:

Well, my furthest distance was 28.49m.
Which is the throw that you can watch above, though you cant see the actual distance thrown. Haha. Im not too sad about not getting a medal. Well, i was 2nd until i got owned at the last throw. Haha.

1st distance was 34+ by Kelly. (:
She's really improved from last year.

2nd was some RIJC girl. 30+
3rd was by a girl from HCJC. 29.05m. I think she's not bad actually. Just needs alot more power in her throws.

So i didnt lose by a mere bit, i lost by some distance. So im not too pissed at that. If i had lost by a few cm, I would be SUPER pissed man. Actually, i dont think i would have been either la. haha. (:

I did my best, i fought hard.
And this is the result that God has given to me, so be it. (:
I acept it with a cheerful heart and thank God for it cos i've done my best and i have absolutely no room for regret. (: At all. (: So thank God. (: And Good Job to me. Haha. (:

Screwed up

OK.
I needa wake up.
I realised im totally screwing myself up in VJ for playing too much.
So much for being in a mugger school. :(

Today, i didnt hand up my math cos i thought that cos i didnt have my GC i convieniently assumed i couldnt do the questions. So i intended to hand up like, wed.. since tues im not going to school. Well... I totally screwed myself up because my teacher just sent me an email to tell me she's giving me a ZERO for not handing up my work.

And its a COMMON TEST, mind you.
I just got a zero for my common test.

I have been taking the fact that im not actually doing well in school very lightly cos well, i think im still adjusting and i can handle the stuff when the time comes.
But somehow, when i realised that im getting a 0 for my test, it bugs me.
It bugs me big time.

I thihnk i need to wake up and seriously start taking my work seriously.
Junior College is no place to slack.
Its now or never.
And if never, i'll live to regret it.

Man.
I seriously feel so screwed.
I got a 0 cos of my freakin laziness...

Oh God.
HELP! :(

I need to start bucking up. :(
Time to turn mugger. :(

God only helps those who help themselves. :(

This was a song that my aunt's fanily showed during her 70th birthday party that my family and i were invited to yesterday to a 6 star restaurant. I wouldnt say i was SO impressed with the food, but the fish and the prawn and the pulut hitam w ice creamwas FREAKIN AWESOME! The best. Seriously! :P

But the service there was really really good. HAha.If i had to look for a job, i dont mind working as a waitress there. Im sure i have enough charm to carry it off. ;) Hahah. :D

But i realised i dont quite enjoy being served. Like i dont relaly like the idea of ppl having to serve or be accustomed to my needs. Sigh... Maybe i should become a humanitarian. HAHA! I think i can make it! Seriously! :P haha. Ah well..

Thursday i met Ryan after school. (: After my crappy econs test that i didnt get to study for and seriously just tried my best. it would be a miracle if i PASSED. by golly... Sigh.. Ah well.

BUT ANYWAY
I met ryan!!! :D It was so awesome seeing him again after sooooooooooo long and catching up and all. (: Its so fun! I wish he was in VJ or something. hehehe. ah well. (:

The ACJC drama was quite impressive, i must admit. The show was really long, but i enjoyed it greatly. (: The plot was good and it didnt turn lame anywhere. The dances were awesome. (: But somehow, i felt like i didnt belong to ac. (: Im really glad i went to VJ instead of AC. I think i wouldnt have enjoyed myself as much in AC than i am in VJ. (:

The Lord knows best, ya? :D

I live to worship you.

This morning, i went to school at my usual time.
I felt like playing the piano.
So since i had nothing important to place in the locker, i walked to the grand piano instead.
I sat down, and i started playing.
Though a few of the keys were a little wierd, i played with the keys that were available.

Well, i started playing the usual random stuff around the board, the usual 1645.
And suddenly, i felt like playing the bridge of How Great is our God.
So i did.
And from then on, i really felt the presence of God with me as i played.
I played on with How Great is our God.

And then God led me to another song.
And his presence was there and he spoke to me.
This are the lyrics of the song:

I Worship you
I worship you
The reason i live
Is to worship you
I worship you
I worship you
The reason i live
Is to worship you.

A simple song made out of 3 differnt lines.
As i played it, i started to sing it out in worship from my heart.
And when i reached the line "The reason i live is to wroship you", God really just spoke to me. And reminded me that my reason to live, is indeed to worship God.
Everything i do, i do it for the Lord.
Because my reason to live, is to worship God.

A great reminder. (:

Hello.
I tried a facebook test on being an ACsian and here's the results:


100% Original ACSian
You are a true blue ACSian! It's like you're born to be in AC! you are passionate about AC; you know the school inside out! you definitely had the best time of your life in there and will prob miss AC after graduating from there.

LOL.
DUDE.
IM IN VJC!
LOLLLLL.
But i was pretty much born to be somewhat an ACsian.
Wonder if anyone would think im one. :P
HSould try one day.

You know, i've been into the 'Fake first impression thing'
Its actually quite entertaining!!!
i tried to be dao..
i tried to be irritating..
i tried to be cocky.
LOL.
SUPER FUN CAN! :D
HAhahahaha. Ah well. (:

Anyway.
Like i said, Piwei's BACK! :D :D :D
Oh man i cant tell you how much i miss him.
Cos i really really do! :(
I didnt quite feel it until he came back, actually. HAha.

Let me tell you my hilarious story that happened on thursday.

After school, i was debating btw going home and going to welcome piwei back.
So in the meanwhile, i went out with Jess, Mervyn and Hung.
Well, We started by watching half the soccer match against uh.. Acsi. lol.
We won, DUH.
The cheering's kinda pathetic.
Come on. Motivate me to cheer.
Merv was making a fool out of himself during cheers. Omg. it was hilarious. I felt embarrassed sitting beside him. Like you know "OOOOOOOOoooooooooo VJ BOLEH VJ BOLEH" Cheer? He went "OOOOOOOOO... OREOOOOOOOOO.. VJ BOLEH..." Oh man.. He was the LOUDEST of the crowd sommore... Lol...

Anyway. the 4 of us finally left and went to ice cream chef.
MEERVYN led us the wrong way and obviously the lost one aka Jesselyn couldnt tell the difference.. :P Haha. I kinda figured it was the wrong way but other than that way, we had no idea. So we kept walking. We walked for like half an hour, was completely lost, then i finally decided to call wenyi-who's an ice cream chef specialist. Haha.

Then we realised, at st pats, we should have turned right instead of left. And there mervyn was insisting it was the left. T-T Sigh...

so we took a bus back to st pats, and walked to the direction of ice cream chef, and found in in abt 2mins from st pats. Oh how much i wanted to kill mervyn for making me walk SOOOOOO much esp in those unwalkable shoes of mine. Lol. Time to buy a new pair! ^-^ Or maybe get rid of that corn on my toe or something. Its really starting to bother me.

SO. Anyway.
We got our icecream.
Its horribly expensive, though i must say quite creative.
I didnt get the best of blends, but it wasnt too bad.

Talked about wierd stuff with the 3 of them.
Was still trying to decide on whether to go to the airport or not.
Finally decided to go.

So.
We left ice cream chef, played a little fool, then mervyn had a bad fall into the drain. Lol. It was really hilarious. But im too lazy to explain. haha. (:

So i left for the aiport.
I tried to call my mum cos i wasnt sure if she would allow me to go.
But she didnt answer.
So i just decided to go ahead and go to the airport. HAha.
So i hopped on a 36 and went to the airport.
So excited to see piwei. :D

Then just as i reached the airport, like right at the airport busstop, my mum told me i cant go welcome him cos it was too late. T-T i was like so dehhhhhhh can. Omg.. lol. So i called felix and i felt so apologetic about it. :(

Ah well.
So i got off anyway.
Took some pictures to justify my journey there, then i bought some food nad went home. Haha. :P So i didnt meet pi wei after all.

Thank goodness also. cos there were so many flights from melbourne i had no idea which one it was. Sigh... Ah well. (: Hahaha.

oh.
SINGAPORE IDOL'S COMING THIS YEAR!
I WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Religion vs God

God is not a religion ;-).
Religion:
1. An organized system or institution of belief based upon the traditions of men
2. The act of playing church, exchanging internal truths for external performance; substituting spiritual realities with carnal rituals.

God:
1. The pursuit of friendship with God.
2. Goes beyond what happens in church. He's part of your life in every way.

Read this somewhere
And i felt it was not too bad a comparison.
I should look for more.
Watch this space. (:
Its good revelation.

I'de rather not talk about this saturday.

Except for one thing:
PIWEI'S BACK! :D
Did i tell you the long story of my trip to pick piwei up?
I dont think so. I'll tell you some other time. (:

BORING!

Tmr there's all comers.
I just saw the start list and i have only one word to describe it.
BORING!

Aye.
All the good competitors not competing.
No fun sia....
:(

Kinda not looking forward to tmr's comp.
But then again, i really need to be excited.
So i gotta fight agaisnt the boredem and fight for my distance.
11.5m

My dad told me something relaly important today.
David defeated Goliath.

I cant let my intimidation of others break my confidence down.
After all, David defeated Goliath with God's strength.
In the same way, with faith, i can do the same thing.
God, i may just be a David, but i want to win the Goliaths in my life.
Be it distances or simply throwers themselves, Lord if i am the David, may you be my God. The God that was with David that defeated Goliath. We share the same God. And i believe if you could help David, you can help me. (: Thank you Lord in advance for what you are about to do.

Most of all, Do your will.

Struggling.

Today i wanted to have an extra session of training and throwing and the whole idea of integrating speed from a lighter shot into a heavier one was really really smart and good and intriguing and i was absolutely looking forward to having training and training myself on that. However, things didnt go the way i had hoped.

As i started throwing, a few muscles started to ache. And it wasnt like ache ache. It was a strain or a pull at a few places and it hurt so bad i had to stop throwing. And i couldnt walk properly after that.

I was relaly upset with myself cos the past few days i havent been throwing well and my body has been giving up on me once in awhile. I felt the pressure on myself building up everytime i thought about how i might not make it to the various overseas comps i wanna go so so so very badly for. :(

And when i got injured today, somewhat at least, it really took a toll on me. If not for some distractions i had when i returned to the track table, i would have gone to a corner and cry. I dont understand why im not performing as well as i should, i dont understnad why my body's starting to give up on me, i dont understnad why im slowly giving up on myself.

Its getting tiring.
It really is.

My studies arent doing so well either.
I hate the fact that i cant understand and im not putting in enough effort to try. It just sucks la. I cant seem to understand half of what im learning now, and its only the beginning. Lord, help me.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!