The promise land.

Hello!
Now its really been a LONG time since i last posted. Hahaha.
I think i kinda regret it cos i might have missed many important events of my life.
But time has been really on the tight end for me. I dont think ive ever been so busy in my life. Hahaha.

Well.

Im in VJC.

Yes i believe we have established that a long time ago. Haha.
But that statement, my friends, is not one to be underestimated.

My promos ended about a week ago, and this week i got all my results back. Ever since ASEAN ended, i havent been training much, if not at all. And all ive been doing is staying at home and mugging my ass off. Its been really tiring, ardous and hard, but i Thank God i made it through. I managed to sit down and actually try to understand my subjects, and i got a few tuition teachers to help me out with my understanding. lol. A levels makes O level look like chicken feet. Seriously. lol.

But when i got my results back, i was terribly dismayed.
Midyears my grades were:
GP-E
Econs-U
Bio-S
Chem-S
Math-S
Chinese- I think we can leave this out. (: I PASSED OKAY. lol.

And it was kinda terrible. :/

but after studying so hard for promos, i got:
GP-D
Econs-S
Bio-S
Chem-S
Math-E

There was an improvement in my math and and econs and GP, but bio and chem remained status quo. And honestly, i was quite put off by my grades. I was expecting much more because of all the effort i had put into my studies. Seriously. After studying my ass off and nearly bursting a few brain cells, all i got for bio and econs and chem was an S?!?! Gosh. You must be kidding me.

I was really quite emo about my results.
I felt like im finally in the real world and im not at the top at all. Im at the bottom. It made me question my intellectual abilities and what i shoul do in life. I felt soooo horrible about myself cos i felt like such a loser. Come on. I go to lectures, i go to tutorials, i listen in class as much as possible, and i still do wayyyyyyyyyyy worse than ppl who dont. In fact, i do wayy worse than ppl who study alot less than me for the exam. Dear God. Whats wrong with me?

So my question for awhile was, what was i studying for? I mean whats the point. I study so hard and i still fail? So study for what? lol . Gee. Its not easy to pass in JC. Its hard to even get an S! :/ Aye...

But even in my self pity and misery, i really thank god for my parents for continuosly encouraging me. As much as i hated to think and talk about my non-existant results, they really talked some sense into me. Esp my dad.

Yest night, my dad shared with me about the promise land. The story of how God brought the Isrealites to the promise land. but yet the isrealites had failed to enter it because of their lack of faith and trust in him.

The story is that after God had led the Isrealites across the red sea, he brought them through the desert to the promise land and ORDERED moses to send out 12 spies to spy on the land. The spies came back with news about the plentifulness of the promise land. But 10 of them were shaken by the giants that they saw. And only 2 of the spies came back with hope and belief that God could overcome the giants for them.

Because the 10 spies had brought back news and beliefs that they could not conquer the Giants of the land, the Isrealites did not enter the promise land. Only the 2 spies, Joshua and Caleb managed to see the promise land. God was angry with the Isrealites for not believing him. And he asked "Would i bring you so far just to see you fail? Would I the God of all creation bring you all the way to the promise land just so you can fail?"

NO! He is not!
And when my dad asked me that question, i was in shock. I knew God was speaking to me about my situation. Had God brought me all the way to VJ just so i can fail? Did God open and close the doors during nationals last year so i could enter VJ just so i could fail and feel like such a loser?

NO! He did not!

And thats why right now i just need to trust in him. I just need to remember that before the promise land, is the desert. And when i see my giants in the promise land, i need to focus on God, and trust that he will fight my battles and conquer my giants for me. And that i need not be afraid of the obstacles that lay before me.

God is a great God.
This promos is but a small set back in life. And i just need to deal with this failure and move on. Honestly, i think i haave somewhat moved on. Maybe in the comfort of the knowledge that
1. I can promote
2. I might have only 1 or 2 R papers in the end cos the final grade might increase to E! :D
3. I have a good chance of becoming OGL! :D

But other than that, i feel that after what my dad shared with me, the wrong mindset that im a loser has been lifted up by God. Though i may not have been the best student in VJ, and i have decided against becoming a doctor or a bio teacher, well, my options are slightly narrowed. Haha. Im thinking of a non acadamic career after deeming myself to be acadamically illiterate. But what my mum said was right-> Im in the top Jc, im competing with ppl wayyyyyyyy above my standard.

So i really dont quite know what to think right now, but im just gonna work hard in all i do, develope my EQ side and really work hard to do my best. And trust that God will prosper me in the end. As he always does. (: