Hello!
I bet many people have given up reading my blog.
In fact, i kinda give up writing also. Hahaha.
To thinkabout it, i have been writing blogs for like... 5 years now? Wow. that suddenly seems like a long time. haha.
Well, ive been really busy. And really lazy to blog.
Though i have so many random thoughts of the day i'd love to have penned down, somehow, im just too lazy to. Haha.
PW has been pretty much madness over the entire OP scramble. and i kinda just realised i havent even started on my I&R. Im so dead. Cant wait for the section outing and chinese to be over. That would put about half my mind to ease. I needa start studying for my R papers. Thats horrible. I dont mind th study part though. Im just not too delighted at the thought of not having so much time for myself. Been rather caught up with life lately and i havent been able to reflect about life and have some nice thinking time. I do enjoy that once in awhile. (:
Well, today i met Thomas for ice cream after a nice lunch with Danella at Thaipan. (: Met him at Berrylite but only for a short while. It kinda occured to me how different our intellect levels are. I mean, he was like spewing out so much intellectual knowledge, and i was... silent cos i couldnt exacly match the intellect level.
Not saying that we're sooo different cos we have a rather queer sense of humour.
But it just occured to me how interesting and diverse life is. I mean look at him. He's just a fine example of the people at the end of the spectrum of life where intellect is concerned. And in VJ, he's just one of them.
You know, not saying that Fairfield students are dumb, but i used to be one of Fairfield's top students. And even with the uppermost top student like Matthew and Robert, intellectual conversations with them never got me lost or have nothing to reply. It seemed like we were still on thesame level though they were more intellectual than me.
But here in VJ, talking to the top students scare me. Its like they really are from a different world and im just lost when they start with all the intellect stuff. Its hard to compete or have a friendly debate cos their minds are just so channeled the intellect way i'll just be stumped with no answer in the debate.
being in VJ is scary, yet exciting at the same time.
I have never seen such a diverse in the kind of people until i came here.
There are the smart ones.
There are the sporty ones.
And there are those that are both sporty and smart.
And there are those that are both smart and musical.
And there are those that are both musical and sporty.
And the list just goes on and on and on and on.
Hahahah.
Still, do i wish i was in another school?
Not in a million years.
Sometimes i do wonder what my life would have been like if i had chosen AC or RJ over VJ during nats last year when i had a chance to.
Would I have been happier there?
Same answer: Not in a million years.
It is a fact that ACJC was my dream school for 4 years cos i aspired to go there even before i reached sec 1. I was inspired by the fact that my dad was an AC boy, i had followed Andre from Pri to sec and potentially JC and Uni, and that Fmss was right beside AC. I had wanted so much to be an AC girl. Haha. Who would have known i would have become a victorian instead?
Life thrills me, truely.
And i never fail to wonder at how my life has turned out to be like.
I feel blessed despite the different hard times of trouble and trials ive had.
And like every christian,
But with even more meaning and sincerity than i believe i have ever said this,
God has been good.
I am just in so much gratitude for no reason now.
But then again, the things of God are with no reason, right? (:
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Sad goodbyes.
Now moving on from the previous post.
Its two different subjects altogether.
I hate goodbyes. :(
And recently, i had to say goodbye to 2 of my closest friends in VJ:
Thomas and Chantal.
Last week was Thomas.
Today was Chantal.
Ahhh. Its getting harder to keep my emotions stable. :(
Haha.
See what i mean? T-T
lol
Anyway.
Last week was J2 Farewell assembly. I sang 2 songs for assembly and ya.
But it wasnt till open house later that evening that i said my goodbye to Thomas. :(
Man. I really miss talking to Thomas. He's like real awesome company.
And to say goodbye was really really hard cos we share this really special bond thats hard to find. :/ And sadly since he's J2, he wont be in school next year unless he stays back as a relief teacher. Which im not sure he might since i havent talked to him in like FOREVER. I mean like in sec school, my special friends were my age. :/ And to part it was okay cos we're all going different directions at the same time. But Thomas, i'll be continuing that journey in the place we met-Just that he's no longer there. :( Aye. I'll really miss him but well, we all need to move on with life, right?
And today, Chantal left school.
Chantal left to go poly and honestly, im really happy for her. But I'll raelly really raelly miss her so so so much. :( She was always there for me in my ups and downs in VJ and has made my Vj life sooo much more enjoyable with all the mad stuff we do together to entertain ourselves. She shared my views and thoughts and Ive always enjoyed my conversations with her cos she really understood what i felt. And vice versa. I really thank God that i have met a friend like her who has been really really really special to me. And Im really raelly really sad that she's leaving. Man. If not for Jesselyn, I'll be soooo lonely in class. :( Its the same situation as Thomas. Except that Chantal was a greater part of my everyday school like. She was my pillar of support everyday. And to lose it, well... I'll have to deal with it eyy. :/
And soon, the second of my chantal botin kahkee is leaving for overseas studies too. :(zomg. My entire class clique is leaving. :( Though im not as close to botin as i am to chantal, i really appreciate her cos she brings a crazy different perspective to things and its so fun to just watch her cos of her funny face. haha. I really raelly enjoyed hanging out with her and i appreciate her soooooo much for being there for me at asean. OMG! If she leaves, THAT MEANS I'LL BE ALL BY MYSELF AT ASEAN NEXT YEAR!!! omg.... :( Thomas you'd better be in malaysia while im there. HAHA. :( but yea.
omg i'll raelly miss all of them. Each and everyone of them have played such a big part of my VJ life and have made school so much more special than i ever expected or hoped it to be. And now to know that next year, i'll be left with none of the above, the feeling is terrible. Its horrid. Its eating me on the inside. I just might cry. Again. :( OMG. Im seriously 9lonelygirl2@randomemoemail.com. Hahahahha. Came up by augustin. Stupid boy. lol.
Oh God. :(
But one thing i really thank God for is that he made thigns easier for me.
Like the whole falling apart with chantal and botin made it easier for me to let go of them, though i would have rather been close to them with all my heart. But i guess its alot easier for me to let them go and carry on with life in VJ. But i wish that we had been as close as ever. And i wish i didnt do the things i did. But well, thigns happen for a reason. And i guess we just have to let bygones be bygones and move on with life. At least ive learnt that i shouldnt act in certain ways. And i will correct that in the future. Ahh. me and my complication brain. :/ Haha.
And recently, God has been bringing so many new friends into my life. And i dont mean just hi-bye friends. I mean people that are getting closer to me, deeperin the friendship. And i raelly thank God for them. Perhaps next year will be a year of forging new deeper friendships with them aye. :) God is a good God.
But for now, let me sort out my feelings.
Im still feeling kinda sad. :(
Aye....
9lonelygirl2@randomemoemail.com
Haha.
Its two different subjects altogether.
I hate goodbyes. :(
And recently, i had to say goodbye to 2 of my closest friends in VJ:
Thomas and Chantal.
Last week was Thomas.
Today was Chantal.
Ahhh. Its getting harder to keep my emotions stable. :(
Haha.
See what i mean? T-T
lol
Anyway.
Last week was J2 Farewell assembly. I sang 2 songs for assembly and ya.
But it wasnt till open house later that evening that i said my goodbye to Thomas. :(
Man. I really miss talking to Thomas. He's like real awesome company.
And to say goodbye was really really hard cos we share this really special bond thats hard to find. :/ And sadly since he's J2, he wont be in school next year unless he stays back as a relief teacher. Which im not sure he might since i havent talked to him in like FOREVER. I mean like in sec school, my special friends were my age. :/ And to part it was okay cos we're all going different directions at the same time. But Thomas, i'll be continuing that journey in the place we met-Just that he's no longer there. :( Aye. I'll really miss him but well, we all need to move on with life, right?
And today, Chantal left school.
Chantal left to go poly and honestly, im really happy for her. But I'll raelly really raelly miss her so so so much. :( She was always there for me in my ups and downs in VJ and has made my Vj life sooo much more enjoyable with all the mad stuff we do together to entertain ourselves. She shared my views and thoughts and Ive always enjoyed my conversations with her cos she really understood what i felt. And vice versa. I really thank God that i have met a friend like her who has been really really really special to me. And Im really raelly really sad that she's leaving. Man. If not for Jesselyn, I'll be soooo lonely in class. :( Its the same situation as Thomas. Except that Chantal was a greater part of my everyday school like. She was my pillar of support everyday. And to lose it, well... I'll have to deal with it eyy. :/
And soon, the second of my chantal botin kahkee is leaving for overseas studies too. :(zomg. My entire class clique is leaving. :( Though im not as close to botin as i am to chantal, i really appreciate her cos she brings a crazy different perspective to things and its so fun to just watch her cos of her funny face. haha. I really raelly enjoyed hanging out with her and i appreciate her soooooo much for being there for me at asean. OMG! If she leaves, THAT MEANS I'LL BE ALL BY MYSELF AT ASEAN NEXT YEAR!!! omg.... :( Thomas you'd better be in malaysia while im there. HAHA. :( but yea.
omg i'll raelly miss all of them. Each and everyone of them have played such a big part of my VJ life and have made school so much more special than i ever expected or hoped it to be. And now to know that next year, i'll be left with none of the above, the feeling is terrible. Its horrid. Its eating me on the inside. I just might cry. Again. :( OMG. Im seriously 9lonelygirl2@randomemoemail.com. Hahahahha. Came up by augustin. Stupid boy. lol.
Oh God. :(
But one thing i really thank God for is that he made thigns easier for me.
Like the whole falling apart with chantal and botin made it easier for me to let go of them, though i would have rather been close to them with all my heart. But i guess its alot easier for me to let them go and carry on with life in VJ. But i wish that we had been as close as ever. And i wish i didnt do the things i did. But well, thigns happen for a reason. And i guess we just have to let bygones be bygones and move on with life. At least ive learnt that i shouldnt act in certain ways. And i will correct that in the future. Ahh. me and my complication brain. :/ Haha.
And recently, God has been bringing so many new friends into my life. And i dont mean just hi-bye friends. I mean people that are getting closer to me, deeperin the friendship. And i raelly thank God for them. Perhaps next year will be a year of forging new deeper friendships with them aye. :) God is a good God.
But for now, let me sort out my feelings.
Im still feeling kinda sad. :(
Aye....
9lonelygirl2@randomemoemail.com
Haha.
The promise land.
Hello!
Now its really been a LONG time since i last posted. Hahaha.
I think i kinda regret it cos i might have missed many important events of my life.
But time has been really on the tight end for me. I dont think ive ever been so busy in my life. Hahaha.
Well.
Im in VJC.
Yes i believe we have established that a long time ago. Haha.
But that statement, my friends, is not one to be underestimated.
My promos ended about a week ago, and this week i got all my results back. Ever since ASEAN ended, i havent been training much, if not at all. And all ive been doing is staying at home and mugging my ass off. Its been really tiring, ardous and hard, but i Thank God i made it through. I managed to sit down and actually try to understand my subjects, and i got a few tuition teachers to help me out with my understanding. lol. A levels makes O level look like chicken feet. Seriously. lol.
But when i got my results back, i was terribly dismayed.
Midyears my grades were:
GP-E
Econs-U
Bio-S
Chem-S
Math-S
Chinese- I think we can leave this out. (: I PASSED OKAY. lol.
And it was kinda terrible. :/
but after studying so hard for promos, i got:
GP-D
Econs-S
Bio-S
Chem-S
Math-E
There was an improvement in my math and and econs and GP, but bio and chem remained status quo. And honestly, i was quite put off by my grades. I was expecting much more because of all the effort i had put into my studies. Seriously. After studying my ass off and nearly bursting a few brain cells, all i got for bio and econs and chem was an S?!?! Gosh. You must be kidding me.
I was really quite emo about my results.
I felt like im finally in the real world and im not at the top at all. Im at the bottom. It made me question my intellectual abilities and what i shoul do in life. I felt soooo horrible about myself cos i felt like such a loser. Come on. I go to lectures, i go to tutorials, i listen in class as much as possible, and i still do wayyyyyyyyyyy worse than ppl who dont. In fact, i do wayy worse than ppl who study alot less than me for the exam. Dear God. Whats wrong with me?
So my question for awhile was, what was i studying for? I mean whats the point. I study so hard and i still fail? So study for what? lol . Gee. Its not easy to pass in JC. Its hard to even get an S! :/ Aye...
But even in my self pity and misery, i really thank god for my parents for continuosly encouraging me. As much as i hated to think and talk about my non-existant results, they really talked some sense into me. Esp my dad.
Yest night, my dad shared with me about the promise land. The story of how God brought the Isrealites to the promise land. but yet the isrealites had failed to enter it because of their lack of faith and trust in him.
The story is that after God had led the Isrealites across the red sea, he brought them through the desert to the promise land and ORDERED moses to send out 12 spies to spy on the land. The spies came back with news about the plentifulness of the promise land. But 10 of them were shaken by the giants that they saw. And only 2 of the spies came back with hope and belief that God could overcome the giants for them.
Because the 10 spies had brought back news and beliefs that they could not conquer the Giants of the land, the Isrealites did not enter the promise land. Only the 2 spies, Joshua and Caleb managed to see the promise land. God was angry with the Isrealites for not believing him. And he asked "Would i bring you so far just to see you fail? Would I the God of all creation bring you all the way to the promise land just so you can fail?"
NO! He is not!
And when my dad asked me that question, i was in shock. I knew God was speaking to me about my situation. Had God brought me all the way to VJ just so i can fail? Did God open and close the doors during nationals last year so i could enter VJ just so i could fail and feel like such a loser?
NO! He did not!
And thats why right now i just need to trust in him. I just need to remember that before the promise land, is the desert. And when i see my giants in the promise land, i need to focus on God, and trust that he will fight my battles and conquer my giants for me. And that i need not be afraid of the obstacles that lay before me.
God is a great God.
This promos is but a small set back in life. And i just need to deal with this failure and move on. Honestly, i think i haave somewhat moved on. Maybe in the comfort of the knowledge that
1. I can promote
2. I might have only 1 or 2 R papers in the end cos the final grade might increase to E! :D
3. I have a good chance of becoming OGL! :D
But other than that, i feel that after what my dad shared with me, the wrong mindset that im a loser has been lifted up by God. Though i may not have been the best student in VJ, and i have decided against becoming a doctor or a bio teacher, well, my options are slightly narrowed. Haha. Im thinking of a non acadamic career after deeming myself to be acadamically illiterate. But what my mum said was right-> Im in the top Jc, im competing with ppl wayyyyyyyy above my standard.
So i really dont quite know what to think right now, but im just gonna work hard in all i do, develope my EQ side and really work hard to do my best. And trust that God will prosper me in the end. As he always does. (:
Now its really been a LONG time since i last posted. Hahaha.
I think i kinda regret it cos i might have missed many important events of my life.
But time has been really on the tight end for me. I dont think ive ever been so busy in my life. Hahaha.
Well.
Im in VJC.
Yes i believe we have established that a long time ago. Haha.
But that statement, my friends, is not one to be underestimated.
My promos ended about a week ago, and this week i got all my results back. Ever since ASEAN ended, i havent been training much, if not at all. And all ive been doing is staying at home and mugging my ass off. Its been really tiring, ardous and hard, but i Thank God i made it through. I managed to sit down and actually try to understand my subjects, and i got a few tuition teachers to help me out with my understanding. lol. A levels makes O level look like chicken feet. Seriously. lol.
But when i got my results back, i was terribly dismayed.
Midyears my grades were:
GP-E
Econs-U
Bio-S
Chem-S
Math-S
Chinese- I think we can leave this out. (: I PASSED OKAY. lol.
And it was kinda terrible. :/
but after studying so hard for promos, i got:
GP-D
Econs-S
Bio-S
Chem-S
Math-E
There was an improvement in my math and and econs and GP, but bio and chem remained status quo. And honestly, i was quite put off by my grades. I was expecting much more because of all the effort i had put into my studies. Seriously. After studying my ass off and nearly bursting a few brain cells, all i got for bio and econs and chem was an S?!?! Gosh. You must be kidding me.
I was really quite emo about my results.
I felt like im finally in the real world and im not at the top at all. Im at the bottom. It made me question my intellectual abilities and what i shoul do in life. I felt soooo horrible about myself cos i felt like such a loser. Come on. I go to lectures, i go to tutorials, i listen in class as much as possible, and i still do wayyyyyyyyyyy worse than ppl who dont. In fact, i do wayy worse than ppl who study alot less than me for the exam. Dear God. Whats wrong with me?
So my question for awhile was, what was i studying for? I mean whats the point. I study so hard and i still fail? So study for what? lol . Gee. Its not easy to pass in JC. Its hard to even get an S! :/ Aye...
But even in my self pity and misery, i really thank god for my parents for continuosly encouraging me. As much as i hated to think and talk about my non-existant results, they really talked some sense into me. Esp my dad.
Yest night, my dad shared with me about the promise land. The story of how God brought the Isrealites to the promise land. but yet the isrealites had failed to enter it because of their lack of faith and trust in him.
The story is that after God had led the Isrealites across the red sea, he brought them through the desert to the promise land and ORDERED moses to send out 12 spies to spy on the land. The spies came back with news about the plentifulness of the promise land. But 10 of them were shaken by the giants that they saw. And only 2 of the spies came back with hope and belief that God could overcome the giants for them.
Because the 10 spies had brought back news and beliefs that they could not conquer the Giants of the land, the Isrealites did not enter the promise land. Only the 2 spies, Joshua and Caleb managed to see the promise land. God was angry with the Isrealites for not believing him. And he asked "Would i bring you so far just to see you fail? Would I the God of all creation bring you all the way to the promise land just so you can fail?"
NO! He is not!
And when my dad asked me that question, i was in shock. I knew God was speaking to me about my situation. Had God brought me all the way to VJ just so i can fail? Did God open and close the doors during nationals last year so i could enter VJ just so i could fail and feel like such a loser?
NO! He did not!
And thats why right now i just need to trust in him. I just need to remember that before the promise land, is the desert. And when i see my giants in the promise land, i need to focus on God, and trust that he will fight my battles and conquer my giants for me. And that i need not be afraid of the obstacles that lay before me.
God is a great God.
This promos is but a small set back in life. And i just need to deal with this failure and move on. Honestly, i think i haave somewhat moved on. Maybe in the comfort of the knowledge that
1. I can promote
2. I might have only 1 or 2 R papers in the end cos the final grade might increase to E! :D
3. I have a good chance of becoming OGL! :D
But other than that, i feel that after what my dad shared with me, the wrong mindset that im a loser has been lifted up by God. Though i may not have been the best student in VJ, and i have decided against becoming a doctor or a bio teacher, well, my options are slightly narrowed. Haha. Im thinking of a non acadamic career after deeming myself to be acadamically illiterate. But what my mum said was right-> Im in the top Jc, im competing with ppl wayyyyyyyy above my standard.
So i really dont quite know what to think right now, but im just gonna work hard in all i do, develope my EQ side and really work hard to do my best. And trust that God will prosper me in the end. As he always does. (:
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