Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Term 3 Day 1

CAN YOU BELIVE IT??!
Its TERM 3 ALREADY!
I feel as if school just started.
Okay it did just start, but i mean just started as in, i just came into VJ. :(
TIme flies!

Well, i'll update another day bout the rest of my hols.
But for now, H1N1 didnt affect school days, but it affected CCA.
Infact we're not supposed to train for the next one week.
Die man.
I need to train if not,. i can say bye bye to asean medal.
Bah....

Ah well.
Today was quite a fun day i belive. (:
Seeing all my friends and making new ones. Haha. Catching up a little with different ones.. (: It was a relatively ejoyable day.

Aye. LAzy to blog anymore.
OH exams was postponed by one week.
THANK GOD.
I have more time to study.

Aye.
Madness.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Gaga, truely

This is Lady Gaga live acoustic version of pokerface.

Truely Gaga.

I like. ;) Hahahaha.

Its quite interesting. :P

Her name suits her.:P

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Thirsty for life
broken and Dry
I know your love is an endless suply

Hungry for change
Yearning for your grace
I know your love restores me again

So Jesus
Transform me from the inside out
Consume me
With a vision for new things to come
Lord use me
Through your holy spirit in my life
Lord hear my cry
This is my cry to live for you

I give my past
to your soverign hands
Knowing all works in line to your plan
So give me strength
For days ahead
To face my mountains and trails in faith

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Goodbye World Youth

I really really really held my hopes up for getting into worl youth.
but i think right now, i can kiss my world youth goodbye.

12.5m
Its totally within my reach.
Its just my technique that stands in my way.
*sigh...*
When will i ever be great?
When will i ever be the best i can be?

i missed my chance to try and qualify by missing my Sea games event.
To make things worse, 5th all comers doesnt have shotputt to give me a chance to qualify.
Coach wants me to go for malacca open for exposure etc.
But im signing up through some johor club.
And i suspect, its not gonna be official.

Oh God.
When will i ever get to represent singapore at a greater scale?
I really really really wanted to go Italy. :(

Its gonna take a miracle to get me to World Youth this year.
a BIG one.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Sea Juniors over. :(

Ah well.

I didnt get to blog yesterday so im doing it today.

Sea Games Junior is over. :(
It was the worst competition but it had the best bunch of athletes yet! :D
I really really enjoyed spending time with every single one of the athletes there and seriously, i have something awesome to say about each and everyone of them cos they were all really awesome! :D

Well. The 2nd last day, 7th june was a second day of competitions. Thankfully, i wasnt affected much by the stadium nor by the shot putt prize presentation though i did try to voice over the announcer whenever she said announced the 2nd shot putter. I went "SHOULD BE hannah lee from Singapore" T-T Lame much, but it was true. Sigh.

In the morn, i went out to Parksons with mariam and aunty margaret to go shopping. the 4x100 guys and jannah didnt go with us this time as they had events in the afternoon. we walked to parksons and lo and beho, met a bunch of the guys from the other hotel on the way! they went to buy cake for dipna as it was her birthday. (: The whole bunch of them- Tim, Guo Pei, Dickson, Zaki and wayne. Then out of the blue, Guo pei passed me a small cake. I was really surprised when they said it was for me! My heart melted. :) They were so sweet! They bought me that small cake to cheer me up and told me not to be so sad about missing my event. really sweet and thoughtful of them. ^-^ Coming from guys, helloooo. So nice right! so unexpected. But im really touched. (:

So we went to parksons.
Aunty Margaret bought some adidas shorts that she says cant be found in s'pore, and mariam went to try some clothes. and guess what. I CHOSE THEM FOR HER! :D hehehehhe. The clothes there were reall really nice, for her. (: She totally should have bought this white dress i chose for her. It looked so awesome on her! except that it was 1million dong. Which is over a hundred sing. She didnt want to pay that much. haha. What a waste.

After shopping, we went to the top level of parksons to eat KFC. (: Aunty margaret treated us to KFC. Hee. It was nice having some fried fastfood for a change. (: Over there, some vietnamese waiter came to talk to me. :S lol. He asked for my name and i was kinda stunned. Lol. Then he asked where i came from and said that singapore is a very beautiful country. lol. Well, after that we had to leave. So... Lol. Wierd, much?

After that, it was about 11, 12. so we went back to our hotel.
Ate some fruits and waited for the guys so we could leave for the bus together.

Reyor was not feeling well and it didnt look good. He had a sore throat and a was running a fever. so autny margaret went to take some medication for him to take. And he wore a mask. Haha. I guess it was nessecary but it was hilaroous, definately. hahaha.

All of us hung out at the lobby of bat dat while waiting for the bus. Took pictures and chit chatted and all.

Soon, we went to the stadium. Well, im glad i was over the whole thing because the sight of the stadium, the podium and the pit didnt affect me anymore. (: I decided to dedicate myself to becoming the errand and camara and cheer girl. Too bad my cam ran out of batt if not i would have taken alot more pictures. But ah well. I went to get water, ran to get tags for ppl, take videos, cheer.. Aye nothing much la. haha.

The races were okay. watching jumps was interesting cos ive never really wathced them before. haha. (: I cheered the loudest man. Wayne's jump was wasted cos i think he could have cleared 2.08m. Sighhh... And the 4x100m men, that race was so wasted. We were like 2nd, then.... Ah well. It wasnt anyone's fault la. no one wanted yihao's injury to act up again. It wasnt his fault nor was it jason's fault for not catching the baton properly. It was a pity, but it wasnt anyone's fault. Just like my event. (: Its not anyone's entire fault. haha. but it was a pity.

The 4x400m men race, WOAH that was AWESOME! Freaking awesome! Omg. Im so proud of them! Well, we did win because the vietnam teams dropped their batons, but well, this is a competition, anything can happen. (: Haha. We were close to losing man. But we still won 2nd. (: how awesome is that! you should watch the video if you can. (: Haha. Awesome possum.

I really felt for the 4x1 guys. They were so sad. and i shared their pain. I understood how they felt cos i felt somewhat the same way the day before. But i told them it wasnt their fault la. haha. Ah well. Thankfully, they got over it soon enough. (: Chheppp!

So we went back to the hotel.

I took a bath and took a nap while waiting for aunty magaret. Heh. Infact, i took a nap too long. :P Woke up at 7.30 and rushed to the dinner. Haha. Thankfully it was at my hotel and the party hadnt started. Hehe. everyone else was there when i arrived. Ah well. (:

So i went to the table, sat down and all.
Soon the party started. Speeches, food and performances by little kids. (:
The place started getting wild as the vietnamese, indonesians and thais started making noise and dancing around the function room. I felt a little wierd, as did all the other singaporeans. Like we wanted to join the party, but we didnt dare to. Well. Its just the singapiorean culture la. Hello. We dont dance out of nowhere. But these ppl do. Like they have festives and they dances loads during those festives. But in singapore, we dont have festives like theirs. So we're not used to it la. haha.

So i ate rather happily and peacefully and the food was really good!
The president of some organisationg of vietnam was making a speech. and no one was listening. Suddenly, we heard a loud "Happy birthday to you". the indonesians and malaysians were singing loudly as guopei and timothy walked in towards my table with dipna's cake- all while the speech was going on. Obviously, we received rude stares and fingers pointing at the singapore team. It wasnt a very nice feeling. But it wasnt their fault.

Apparantly, they were waiting at the back for the speech to end. Then the manager stupidly asked them to go forward, and as they moved towards our table, the other peeps started singing. But it was really rude la. Sigh.. Ah well. Dipna felt so bad about it that she cried. haha. How cute. :P

So after that, countries went onto the stage to make impromtu performances. And as the countries went up one by one, as the performances continued, more ppl crashed the stage to dance, and suddenly, spontaneously, the stage was turned into a dancefloor. Im ntot kidding! liek a disco/club kinda thing. haha!

The music kept going and ppl kept going up to dance and all. It was interesting to watch.

The singapore team felt kinda wierd not doing anything, so we tried coming up with something. Well, actually, they tried to get me to do something. T-T But at that moment i was nowhere near my artistic side. So i couldnt come up with anything. ah well.
We all came to a silent mutual agreement that we should just forget about it cos the discussion died down. haha.

So as the dancing continued, i looked at my thai competitor who was sitting at the table across and pointed to the stage, asking her to go up. Then she replied by pointing to the stage asking me to go up. After a few rounds, she walked right up to me, took my hand and brought me onstage. HAHA!

MAN! I was soooooooooo embarrased! The whole singapore team cheered as i walked onto stage. But guess what. The moment i stepped onto the stage, my feet and body took over. Man! It was exciting! The music blasting in your eyes, the groove in the music taking over, woah. The feeling was amazing. I started jumping with the crowd, dancing with whateever i could, i didnt care. My hair was let down, my spirit was free.

I danced, i jumped, i screamed. It was ecstacy! It was crazy! I danced with ppl id idnt know, i made friends from other countries on stage. It was SO FUN! My goodness! What have i been missing out on? lol!

Soon, more singpapore peeps joined the stage and danced. haha. I just forgot about my yet-to-finish dinner and just danced my heart out on the stage. It was soooooooooo fun! :D Really enjoyed myself.

Well unfortunately, we were stopped rudely as it was late and we all needed to go back. After that it was a looooong session of phototaking and all. HAha. super funn. (:

So we went back to our rooms. Then my hotel peeps went to bat dat to tim, guopei chinhwee and zaki's room to hang out. We played some cards (murderer and indian polker), followed by a sharing session. That was interesting. (:

There were so many fun and interesting moments that happened in that room that night. Aye. I wish it could have gone on forever. :( But by 1am. we had to leave for our hotel cos we lived in a different hotel. :( Too bad. I loved the flower and door moment. Haha.

Ok i need to remmeber this one. :P

Well, the door of the room had some problem.
Suddenly at one moment, the door was kicked open. Being rather close to the door, i saw that the opposite door suddenly closed as our door swung open. So obviously, it was the guys living opposite us that kicked our door. the s'pore guys were quite pissed off and they went out the door looking for the guys who kicked our door. Rather galant, i must say.

I told them it was the guys opposite cos i saw their door closing suddenly as ours swung open. Then dickson and guopei went to knock on their door to look for them. Chin hwee was standing right behind them with a bunch of flowers he wanted to use as a weapon. Rather comicly. if i may add. HAha. Then dickson had this crazy idea.

So Dickson, guopei and chin hwee went on their knees infront of the door, holding up a bunch of flowers. HAHA. Then they knocked on the door and rang the bell. The guys inside were afraid of a confrontation from us. So the guy opened the door slowwwwly, only to see 3 guys kneeling with a bunch of flowers in their hand. Omg. The expression on all their faces, IT WAS HILARIOUS!!! HAHAHAHAAH! Oh God it was SO FUNNY! i hink and hope someone caught a video of it. haha.

Then the guys apologised to them and made peace with us.
I guess it worked out well cos it could have turned ugly, but because we turned it into a joke, all was well. (:

Hosni came to our room and asked "Where's the beer?" jokingly. haha. And our batch, being the good batch, had no beer at all. ;) Awesome yea. HAHA. :D Well, he came to tell us to not stay so late. Haha. (:

So anyway. Back to 1am. The whole group of athletes walked the arc-en-ceil ppl back to our hotel. (: And they were soooo amused by an empty road/street in vietnam that they stood in the middle of the road and took a picture. ahha! Damn funny.

So they walked us back to our hotel and we went back. (:

I slept at about 2+ and woke up at 4+ cos aunty margaret woke up, worrying about reyor, who at that point of time was in hospital. Quarantined by the vietnamese, suspected of H1N1. He was to be kept there for one night and go for a blood test the next day. If he were to be found positive, we would all have to stay back for 7 days to be quarantined.

Well, i couldnt go back to sleep and neither could aunty margaret. So we chatted for like 3 hours. And then i took another short nap, and went for breakfast.

After breakfast, we went to parksons again. Not for long cos it only opened at 9.30 and we needed to be back at the hotel to check out by 10.15am. lol. So we looked around a little. The guys bought some stuff. Then we went back to the hotel.

Checked out.
Went to the airport.
Me and Khairyll got rejected by the van, and we had to take a seperate one. Sad. But it was a fun ride with him. Wetalked, played hand games on the van and listened to music. HAHA. Damn fun. (:

Then we reached the airport.
Checked in and went for lunch. We saw the singapore taekwando team tehre too. And they look soooooooooooo vietnamese! goodness! I dont know and dont really wanna know their background. It looks ambiguous.

Well, lunch at a singaporean restaurant at the vietnam airport was good. We didnt need to pay cos aunty margaret paid first and would claim from saaa. (: Had chicken rice, which cost 8USD. For a plate of singapore chicken rice. LOL. what a joke. It was nice, but it tasted vietnamses. Haha.

Then we boarded the plane soon.
I sat beside Jason. (: We had alot of fun on the plane, talking teasing whacking each other. Hahaha. (: Its just that feeling that you know you were made to be friends kinda thing. Quite cool, but too bad we opened up to each other only on the last day. :(

The plane got delayed cos of some technical difficulty. The plane ride was short. :( The food was good. (: I only wished the plane ride was longer so i could watch my movie. Haha. Ah well..

So we got off the plane in singapore. :( And our trip was over.

Im really sad cos i didnt really get to say a proper goodbye to all of them. and all of them were really awesome. :( It owuld be a long time before we see each other again, and ive really had so so so much fun with every single one of them. :( I only wish we could spend more time togehtet.

I really wish this was asean cos asean's 10days. Imagine 10 days. in 5 days we were already so close. Imagine 10 days. we would be inseperable. haha Ah well. Goodbyes are hard, but life has t go on. :( i think i'll really miss every single one of them. Esp my hotel mates. All the great times spent, all our made laughter at teasing one another, all the card games and forfiets we played.. Sigh.. They will not be forgotten. (:

Ive had the time of my life.

Sea Games Juniors.
The worst competition experience,
yet,
The best company i could ever ask for.

Go team singapore!
I love you guys. (:

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Stupidest thing ive ever done.

WEll.

Today was my Sea Junior's event.
AND.
I missed it. T_T

No kidding. I missed my sea games junior sot putt event, which was the stupidest thing i could have ever done because i could have gotten 2nd position, and i lost it to some girl i totally could have won.

Total Bummer.

WEll.
The coaches told me that my event was at 7pm today and i totally took their word for it.
It was a real overlooking on my part because i didnt check the timing and assumed the coaches were right.

So at 3.30, i left with the bus to the stadium, only to find that my event ahd already begun.
Naturally, i freaked out.
And ran across the field with one of the vietnamese officials to try to enrol into the already happening competition.

But alas, i was devastated to know that the refrees and officials there wouldnt budge. They wouldnt let me have even one throw.

I was so upset.
I felt like my dreams were splashed onto the floor.

Everything i ever wanted was stripped away from me. Everything i ever wanted. My dreams, my career in throws. I was heartbroken. I really was.

I had really looked forward to coming to sea juniors. I still remember how ecstatic i was when i was told i was chosen to go for sea juniors. I was so happy. I was so excited. I couldnt wait to compete.

I wanted to get a sea games medal.
I wanted to get my 12m.
I wanted so badly to achieve something.
I wanted to move on from 11m.
I wanted to break the national record.

But alas.
A miscommunication led to my dismay.
My loss, my unability to compete.
I was devastated.

I went back to the stand crying.
What else could i do?
I felt sooooo horrid for that moment, i couldnt live with myself.

I had missed a competition.
I had missed THE competition.
I had screwed up big time.

The track girls came and comforted me but i couldnt be comforted. My heart was just a mess of rumbles and jumbles i cant describe the feeling, but it sucked. I felt like i couldnt live anymore and my entire body was shaking and turning into jelly. i nearly couldnt stand again.

But who else could i blame?
It wasnt anybody's fault.
In fact, it was possibly my fault.

I has missed my own game.

I was really upset.
I had wanted soooo much to get that medal.
And i totally could have gotten silver.

The first was that THai girl Bhuk who won asean last year. She threw 12.82m. And the girl who got 2nd, she threw 10.82m. i can totally beat that. My God. I can freaking get 2nd la!

But i missed it.
I let it slip through my fingers.
I let it walk right out the door.

God i feel stupid.

UGHH.

WEll.
After like maybe half and hour to an hour of crying and calling ppl, Dimna took me out of the stadium for a walk. Ironically, i felt better after breathing in that 'fresh' vietnam air, which in all honestly, is not fresh at all. Haha. Its so ironic that i feel better breathing all that polluted air. (: HAha. BUt it was a good walk. I sorted pout my thoughts and had a nice chat with dimna. She really made me feel better. (: Thanks babe. HAha.

After awhile, we went back to the stadium. The s'pore athletes were erally nice, making sure i was okay and all. HAha. Dickson gave me the s'pore token of appreciation as my medal, guopei gave me a flower from the s'pore bouquet and tim gave me a half hug. Haha. (: ANd almost all the girls gave me a hug. (: really sweet of them. Haha. (:

Ah well.
I pretty much got over it, but every once in awhile, the feeling would come back.
THe feeling of loss and self pity.
It was pathetic.
UGHH.

Well, i really did hope a miracle would happen.
But i guess not.

During the walk i realised that i inda found back my motivation to train. I had lost it for awhile but i found it back from the experience. WEll. I feel motivated to train everyday t be better for asean. Maybe i might even be able to beat the thai girl. I dont know...

BUt OH OH.
That thai girl, SHe's ADORABLE!!!
(:
She's so sweet i cant express how happy i felt when she encouraged me. Haha.

I congratulated her and she kinda pitied me.
Aye. We competed last year mah. And she probably could tell how upset i was that i didnt get to compete.
WEll, we shook hands and all, and i asked her if she was going asean and she said yes.
Then she gave me a hug. AWEEEE. (:
Super nice la! hahaha

THen during dinner, when we were lining up, this was how our interesting conversation turned out:
Bhuk: *Something in thai*
Me: Mai kao chai (Dont understand)
Bhuk: HEY! Mai Pen Rai
Me: HUh? *Think awhile...* OH!!! Khao Chai Khao Chai (Understand)
Bhuk: SUSU! *with hand showing a power sign* Jia you!
Me: HEIK! Not bad not bad!
Bhuk: Dui! Dui! (right)

HAHAHAH!
She's freaking cute la! Hahahaha. :D
I love her.
really wished i had competed with her today.
Sigh...
Ah well..

Well, i came up with a slogan during my walk:
Today was the worst day of my life.
But what doesnt kill you,
Only makes you stronger.

Well.
I feel kinda scared it may leave a black mark on my career. BUt one thing amazing that happened was that, God was there with me during my walk.

God reminded me to trust in him.
Like though things were sowrong, i needed to trust inhim for a miracle beyond my wildest dreams. I serve a great and faithful God, was this beyond him? I dontthink so.

I choose to believe that God has a plan and a purpose for me.
When has he ever failed me?
God has always been faithful through thick and thin and this wasnt gonna be any different.
THough i can feel my faith wearing out, and becoming thin, i just have to keep whatever hope i have to hold on to.

Im a little lost at what to do, but i trust that all things are in God's good hands and i just need to trust in him. Its not easy to ask a 17 year old maturing girl to do that, but it will be a growth in my faith in God and well, i guess it is necessary.

Somehow, i feel like God is putting me though what he put elijah through.
Like my dad was telling me that God had to strip elijah off everything he had before he could do a work in his life. And i feel the exact same way. I feel like my entire world of dreams and ambitions have crumbled. In the same single day, i missed 2 of the most important events that i wanted to be part of.

Singapore idol
Sea games junior.

Gosh.
God, what does this mean?
is there somthing that you want to tell me?
is there something you;re trying to teach me?
Oh God.
I dont know.
BUt i want to trust that you know what you're doing in my life.
If it is some part of your plann to make me prosper even more elsewhere, may it be.
But Lord, help me forgive myself first.
Cos i think the person im most mad with is myself.

I dont know.
But i think it'll take a little time.

I just hope i dont break at the stadium tmr.

I must keep the hope that i have.
The hope that will last.
The hope i have in God.

God, what does this mean?

Friday, June 5, 2009

Vietnam!

Hey Hey!



Im in vietnam now. Haha. Its currently day 2 of my 5 day trip in vietnam sea gmes junior. Haha.



The tri[ kinda started out a little lonely since i was the only thrower there. But it soon got better. (: Haha. Tim and Yi Hao were really nice, telling me i could always look for them if i ever felt lonely or something. (: Really touched. Haha.


Well. As we all started on out jouney from the airport and all, everyone started hanging out and all. I just hung out with the guys cos there was tim and yi hao, and i didnt quite fit in with the girl sprinters. Well, i kinda figured that it was totally fine being alone. Haha. No im not a loner. :P Just mature enough to not feel bad being alne. It was quite interesting.



Well, i started hanging out with the guys during the trip. It was really fun! Haha. The airplane ride was so so only. Haha. The food was good though.



Well, after the plane ride, we went to the hotel, only to wait 3+ hours for the rooms to be settled. The Vietnam organizers were really badly organized. We booked 9 rooms, but they were now only willing to give us 3 rooms because other ppl had come to the hotel first, so they gave the rooms to them. It was really maddening. Ughh.



So a few of us were transfered to another hotel just opposite. The outside looked really grummy and i was hoping i wouldnt get transfered there.



But as always, i get what i dont want. And i got transfered there, together with 8 other athletes and an official- Aunty Margaret.



But as fate and destiny would have it, the 9 /10 of us are having the time of our lives spnding time together. The 10 of us have bonded pretty much in a day. Haha. The fun outing we had, the great dinner, and the night spent together playing cards. MAN! It was fun! (: Haha.



Im really starting to enjoy my time here. Though there's nothing much to do here, well. The company's great. (: ahahah.



Thank God!

he really knows whats best for me. (:



Oh yes. I saw my thai competitor.

The girl who won 1st for asean last year.

Well, im not as intimidated.

I guess becase my dad told me something to remember:

David Won Goliath!
David was small in size and goliath was a giant. Yet David won goliath by the power of God backing him.

Im not saying that i can win the 'giant' aka the thailand girl, but rather i will ot be intimidated because i have a great God that will support me and will watch over me. I may not beat her, but by the pwoer of God, i pray and hope to achieve my personal best of 12m. God, i ask in faith for 12m this weekend. I really really wanna break the mental barrier i've had for so long.

Well, im not gonna be intimidated by the sizes of my competitors, but im just gonna go into the field and do my best. God, all glory goes to you no matter what.

Well. May the best person win. (:

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

My 2 new targets:
12.5m by 22nd June.
14.6 by next year.

Oh God.
I ask for a good 12m this weekend! :D

I still wanna go ITALY!!!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Lord,
I ask for wisdom.