Prelims

Hello.
Its almost the end of prelims and i think im starting to see some light :D HAha
Well im really glad that prelims are almost over. But when i think about the future right after prelims, i cant seem to find that sense of YES ITS OVER cos even when prelims end, the studying regime would pretty much remain the same. So there's no feeling of anticipation for it to be over cos really, to me its just been a 'practice paper' and not something that will determine anything. So im not stressing my self over it. (:

BUT.
Prelims has been anoying.
I mean you cant really ignore all the hype and stress that you go through while preparing for the paper right. HAha. And yea i could totally do without the freaking out over mind blankings and getting irritated when i cacnt seem to remember anything. Id do without them anytime. x) haha.

But looking back i think its been a really good exam. (:
Im not sure how i'd do, but i definately say its my best exam performance to date. (:
Ive never felt so confident (Not that im very confident) when i step into the exam hall and sure of myself when i did the paper. Although i dont know how to answer a number of the questions, the fact that i actually knew what i was doing was enough of a comfort for me. It just showed me that im improving and catching up and hey, maybe i do have a shot at As. (:

Retaining is not even an option now considering how well i understand my stuff now. You know really, it doesnt seem as hard and daunting as it seemed in the beginning of the year. (: I guess i just took it one step at a time and as i take every step, the steps become easier and easier and it becomes more of a breeze. (: Not that i know everything or enough to get an A but i think if i continue at this pace, i'll get there eventually. (:

Well, this prelims has been filled with divine intervention.

When i was studying many of my subjects, i just felt alot of promptings from God that this will come out, this will not come out, concentrate on this topic, dont bother about the other one.. and really. Its been so amazing.

One example i want to highlight is Biology paper 2.
I was studying and studying and i nearly gave up sudying protein synthesis cos i was kinda sick of studyng DNA and i didnt really want to immerse myself into it. But something (which i believe was God) kept prompting me to study it. Like A FEW TIMES through my studyng. So i just forced myself to study it well and GUESS WHAT! It came out a 10m question just on protein syntheses. I think i got it. ;) HAHA. Thank God man. Its sooo amazing what God has been doing for me.

Another thing is, MY GC DIED YESTERDAY NIGHT and not during my papers! Thats really really amazing considering how much i need a GC for chem today. And it died last night! God is soo good. really. (:

Ive been listening to podcasts and praying and reading proverbs and its quite funny how God has been speaking to me. One thing he's been revealing to me are my faults in myself. And my weaknesses. And as much as i dont want to admit them or do anything about them, i think its time i did something about them before they become a thorn in my flesh. So aye. Be Humble, Hannah. Lay down your pride and start learning.

So thats all from me today. (:

Ciao, fellas. (:

YOG

Today was the opening of the YOG!
The opening ceremony was SOOO GOOD OMG!!!
Im so fraeking proud of singapore!
I really am! :)
What a spectacular show for and to the world. I am so produ of the standards.
The skyline was sooo beautiful and the fireworks just made it even moer amazing!
The lighting was sooo well done and the song 'Everyone', man... It made my heart melt. It is such a great song. I would kill to work with ken lim one day. He is one amazing man. x)




Im really proud of SInapore.
And i am proud to be a singaporean, even though i am only half one.
My birth is half, but my blood is pure.
I really love SIngapore. (;

Unfortunately sadly not everyoone feels the same way. :( Many singaporeans are very negaive towards thr country, how its run, the weather, the education, the sports.. the list goes on. But they never realise how priveledge they are until they don have it anymore. I feel really sad towards these singaporeans because Singapore ius such a great country. If only they would open their eyes and start appreciating what they have instead of thinking about the bad stuff. If you only concentrate on the downsides, you'll never be happy cos you'll never realise he good things around you. and to me, thats pathetic. And they have my sympathy. Sigh... I reallly hope they'll realise how great singapore is. And appreciate what they have now.

But that aside, you know how everything is about sports right now, I just came back from a run and i was running by the road. Guess what. Almost everyone in the cars that drove past drove slower to check me out. See if i was a yog athlete. T_T HAHAHHA. It was damn funny i was soo tickled! x) How amusing. I am seriously gonna try wearing my hong kong china shirt to J8 and see if they are especially nice to me because they think i am a foreign athlete! HAHA I bet you it;'ll work. HAHAHA.

But anyway. Im sooo excited for YOG even though im not a part of it.
If only i didnt have As this year! :(
I would have gone to see alot alot alot ALOT of things and spend monkey time on the TV man. HAHAHA. Lapping everything up!
Come on. Having such a historic game at my doorstep is just the best thing in the world. Esp since i live like an olympian cos i really try to make the olympic values the way i live my life. Of course other than God's way. But i really want to embody what being an olympian means, even if i am or will never be one.

The Olympic values:
Excellince, Friendship, Respect.
Citius, Altius, Fortius.

Believe you're a champion,
Think like one
And one day, you will become one.

Hello!

Haha. Its kinda a pity i didnt blog much this year. :( Now i kinda regret it cos i didnt get to pen many of my best moments this year down. :( Okay actually i can remember the best moments of the year. but sometimes its the jokes of the day i want to remember and the mundane things i did and the different things that i do everyday... Sigh... But ah well. I guess i should start penning down the best parts at least. (:

well right now...
Im really excited to go watch YOG. I really really wish i could be part of the experience in one way or another. :( DARN STUPID As. As seriously screwed my life up im so sad. :( Haha. Well, the athletes have all arrived at the games village and its sooo exiting the thought that my china competitor is already in town!! I really really wanna meet her and take her out! ANd meet all the pros and friend them too! OMG SO EXCITING! :D Time to throw away my face and be some crazed YOG fan that i actually am. HAHAHAHA. :)

OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH
HEY! :D

Exciting. much?

Hello. Haha.



I just booked my tickets for YOG! :D

Im in school now. Im supposed to be studying but hey.

Its YOG!

Im so excited to have the best youth athletes in my own country!! Its sooo exciting!!!

Well i guess it so much more relevant to me since im a youth athlete too. (:

And making friends with foreign athletes have always been the best part of overseas comps anyway. So yog is just so so so spectacular to me im so excited. (:



Gonna spend $100 on YOG man. Thank God ive been saving up. Or at least havent had the opportunity to spend. HAha. x) Awesome much! Just heart pain that the tickets are sooooo damnnnn expensive!!!



But YOG.

Once in a lifetime experience hello!!!

In Singapore HELLO!

At Bishan Stadium HELLOOO!!!



And sommore i know some of the athletes competing. Hurhur.

So awesome to go ASian Juniors. ;) WOOTS!

Gu Si Yu FTW!!

My china pal YO!!

HAHAHAHA. :D



SO anyway.

YOG is so awesome i can hardly wait.

Gonna watch it on 22nd august!

I cant thank God enough on how he made it possible for me to go!

1. Its on a WEEKEND

2. Its BEFORE my prelims

3. Its BOTH guys and girls SHOT PUTT AND JAVELIN!!!

The top 2 events i wanna watch omg!!! <3!

So DAMN EXCITED! :D :D :D



But other than that, life just kinda sucks man.

Studying everyday every hour...

I dont feel anywhere near prepared for prelims much less As.

Mr Tan just told me if i dont get all Ds for prelims, im very risky.

Die sia.

Ive never even gotten more than a D for my exams before la. :(

And prelims are supposed to be hard right.



Oh god im sooo dead i dont know where to start.

Kinda like freaking out right now but i cant do anything about it.



And being a near-elite athlete...

Failure is not an option.



Sigh.....

Need.

Help.



Lots and lots of help. :/



For now, back to chem.

Byebye. Haha

Im back.

Okay hello.
I know i havent been blogging in like FOREVER literally since this IS the first post of the year. HAHAHA. Well, I just cant handle having all the nice nice memories being replayed in my head over and over and over again without it being penned down and trust me, the memories ive had this year are so so so worth remembering. (:

So far, the past 7 months has been such a roller coaster ride its really so crazy, yet so memorable. In some ways, it has been the best, yet in other ways it has been the worst.

So today, i'll just tell you how crappy my life has been.

Well. I started the year off quite badly i believe.
I was really lonely and emo and sad and depressed and stuff cos well, i was now alone.
Well almost. I mean after chntal and bo tin left, it was kinda hard to adjust.

I upped my training to everyday training and i needed to study and i didnt have a social life. So i was kinda quite depressed. Haha. It really was sooo bad that my friends could tell i was withdrawing myself, and i seemed more sad, and i just wasnt the happy cool gal i was a few months ago.

But thankfully, slowly, God put people in my life to be friends with me and be there for me and things really did get better. Slowly, i let go and let God bring more people into my life. Slowly i matured and started to understand more about myself and how and why i react to relationships the way i do. Innitially i was kinda sad that i didnt belong to any click since ppl all around me seemed to belong somewhere. But over time, i realised that having people that care about you beats being in one group any time. And having these friends were enough for me. So i started to treasure those around me even more. And i really thank God for that.

Well, i have so many many other things to share. But i'll leave that for next time. (:

CIAO!

Camp!

I know this is wayyyy overdue, but i havent had the chance to blog about it. Haha. (:

Well, I was finally a GL for camp! :D
YAYYYY!!!
And camp was really really really awesome.
I had a blast, and God just blew me away.

Okay. Lets start by talking about my group.
Red Eagle 3, Hong Ying San, Hegal (Sudu) Merah Tiggah.
I love my group. And i am so so so proud of them and even prouder to be their GL.
The group started out very shaky.
On the first day, it seemed like the group was really closed in and each individual were just an individual. And i started praying really really really har cos it seemed rather hard to be able to open up the group and get them to bond. So i prayed really hard. I was really scared. :/

But as the days went on, i kept spamming games cos thats the best way i know how to bond people- by having fun. So i kept spamming group games and i tried to keep talking to each group member so i could know more about them, and most importantly to find an area to speak into their lives about.

And God was good.
The quietest person of the group opened up to me sharing that she hasnt been to church for a year. So i encouraged her to open her heart to Jesus and receive him anew this camp. Another girl told me straight in the face on day one that she hated camps. Dear God. But in the end, i beleived she enjoyed herself cos she really warmed up to the group and was very chatty. So thank God. They were the girls i was most worried abt. But by the grace of God, they were transformed.

My group is a group of people with different personalities.
But its amazing how we all ended up bonding together as a group.
Hannah- The loud leader
Jared- The VERY loud one.
Sis Yanni- The open one
Nigel- The old one. :P
Nicholas- The joke. :D
Janice- The joker wannabi.
Pearl- The out of the world.
Simon- The out of his mind.
Zeke- The baby! ^_^
Andrea- The queit one
Hannah- The secretly loud one. ;)

So yuou see. We have very different personalities. But how we ended up so bonded a group, i have no idea. :/

So anyway.
On the last day, i got everyone to write nice stuff about each other.
And i spent the night before writing loooooong kletters for each and everyone of my memebers cause i wanted to speak into their lives one last time. And i was very very encouraged by what they wrote for me. It touched my heart so much i wanted to cry. :)

The ones that touched me the most was from Andrea and Nigel.
I was very encouraged by ANdrea's because she was one of the ones that seemed impossible to crack at the beginning. She was one of those i prayed the hardest for. And if it were the old Hannah, I'd probably not care about her because she was so quiet. But after the hard season this year and after the maturing in my mind and spirit, i wanted to make a difference in every single one of their lives. So i tried to speak into her life as much as i could. I prayed for her at the altars too. And this is what she wrote to me:

Thanks for being such a nice Gl, So encouraging."

Just that short line melted my heart. I was so encouraged. I thanked God for using me.

Though the encouragement was short, it was the most encouraging cause it was proof that i had made an impact in her life. I had moved from where i was from not accepting people, to a place of loving unconditionally. ALthough i may not have understood her completely, the fact that she could say i was encouraging meant alot to me. It was a sign that i had grown in the area of loving people. And yes, i loved every single one of my group members. (: God i feel like a mum. T_T

The second person that really encouraged me was nigel, the AF guy in my group. He thanked me for leading the cell, and he said that i had spoken into his life. And i really thank GOd for that. I feel that that was so amazing cause it showed how much i had grown spiritually. I had grown so much that the words i say can encourage a guy older than me. It was just encouraging.

Through the camp, i could tell that my group had heartfelt respect for me. They never questioned my leadership, they trusted in everything i said. They never talked back but they obeyed my cammands whenever i asked them to do something. To me, that was enough. It showed me i had done my job as a GL. My group trusted me. And to me, that was enough. I was more than satisfied with my work as a GL. (:

Moving on to the GOD experience.

This camp was the most God orientated camp ive ever been to. A day of games was cancelled just so we could have time to rest, so that we could pay attention during the night services. And to me, though i was disappointed in not being able to spend more time with my cell, i feel it was a very good call because we all needed the rest. ANd in the endd, God moved like never before.

I think this is the first camp that God truely exceeded my expectations for him.

I asked for a new experience - He gave me one.

He showed me how it was like to touch his presence. It was like a Pandora's box. You open it, you cant bear whats inside. same thing. When i stepped into his presence, deeper than before, i started shaking. I couldnt bear it. God was just too Holy for me to bear it. I kept jumping in and out of it like it was a Hot Spring. What an experience!

It was also the first time that i realised how desperate i was for God. On the first day, durinbg the night service, it seemed like I had been desiring and waiting and praying and seeking something of God, for God's presence, that when it came, it came as a gush of wind. More like a Tsunami. Its indescribable, really. It was just magnificant. God is jsut amazing.

So anyway, God really spoke to me about alot of things during camp.

God really dealt with my hurts from the failures and the fear of furture failures.

God showed me how much i had grown this year in the mind and in the spirit. It had been such a great gfeat season of growth i am stunned by the extent of growth. I think its the biggest extent of growth i have ever experienced. Then again, it was the hardest trial i have been through yet. ANd i thank God for it, because i hung on, and God gave me so much more in return. Truely.

There are so many other things i want to tell.

But most of it is rather personal. Haha.

So its all in a nutshell. (:

Camp was great because God was great.

Never have i been left in such awe and love and wonder for him as i did after this camp.

And his presence still resonates in my heart.

I love Jesus. (:

Merry Christmas!

Today i had one of the best christmases in my life. (:

Firstly, i received many many nice presents very unexpectedly.
I had innitially wanted to give out my cards and gifts and throw the plastic bag away. But instead, i needed the bag because i received so many gifts! :) And im really touched cos i honestly didnt expect to receive even anything. But i did.

But the thing that touched me the most wasnt the gifts, but rather the reason i got the gifts. Many of the gifts were given out of appreciation of my presence in my friends lives and it really touched me to know how many people ive impacted through the year. I felt so encouraged to see how God has used me to impact and bless the people around me this year. And to me, that was the best christmas present.

So thanks friends, for appreciating me. Because that made my christmas more special than anything. And thank you for letting me appreciate you. THis christmas had truely been one of the most touching ones. (: Because i gave and i received greatly. (: THank you Lord.

THe second thing was that my dad performed for christmas service! Im so so so rpoud of him! ^_^ He sang 'We Three Kings' together with PDA and Bro Titus, but i think although all 3 of them did a great job, my dad sang the best. I was so so so proud of him i gave him a standing ovation! (: He sang so well. The voice control and the power that came out. Sheesh! I was so proud of my daddy. I think i got my voice from him. ;) Hahha.

So anyway.
Its been a great christmas.
Thank you Lord for everything.
I love yuou so much.

Happy Birthday Jesus! (:

Trust in God.

I asked for Strength, God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom, God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity, God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage, God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love, God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors, God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted, I received everything I needed!

Trust in God.
Always!

- Written by Fuwei Fong. Ignyte Ministry.
Hahahaha. (:

I found this on facebook and i feel like its just so... appropriate and it makes so much sense.
I hink i'll think about it alot more the next few days. (:

RUAN JING TIAN! :D

Today in Taiwan,
Whilst shopping at Sogo,
In Taipei,
While standing at the escalator waiting for my dad to come down,
i saw an angel.
AHHH!

No i didnt la. HAHAHA.

I SAW RUAN JING TIAN!
You know the Ji Cun Ci from Fated to Love you?
ZOMG! I SAW HIM! :D :D :D

I SAW RUAN JING TIAN LIVE IN TAIWAN!
ZOMG!!!
I was too stunned to react.
I was just in shock!
My goodness!
I couldnt believe i was sooooo lucky as to have seen a taiwan actor and of all of them i saw HIM! ^_^ WOOTS I TELL YOU! WOOTS!

He had shaved his hair short,
was wearing jeans and a white tee,
and sunglasses at the back of his head.
He looks alot skinnier in person.
I think he might have lost somne weight cos his face wasnt so skinny on screen.
AH!
but DAMN HOT SERIOUSLY!
Ahhhhh. BEst day of my life! HAHA

But Thinking back, i should have stalked him down the escalator and asked for an autograph and a picture dammit! But i was too shocked to do anything. Ah DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!
SO WASTED!

I still cant believe i saw him!
WOOTS!!!! ^_^
Best day in TAIWAN EVER! HHAHAHAHHA!

Missing you, love.

Everytime i go to school nowadays, i feel like i miss Chantal more and more.
I really miss her company.
Class is no longer the same without her beside me.
Without her laughing at my jokes, talking to me about anything and everything, sleeping, drawing, listening.
God i miss her so much. :(

Aye.
School is becoming a little more bleak the more i think about it.
I didnt make OGL.
Not sure how i'll handle it when orientation starts.
Studies are gonna pile up.
Not sure how my track career will be.
Chantal and Bo Tin will no longer be there for me.

God i feel so stressed.
And upset over my life that is to come the year ahead.
I feel so messed up.
So lost.
I just wanna break down and cry.

How odd.
Though i feel this way, the words of my own song speaks to my heart.
And is providing that encouragement i need in this season.

I find my hope in you
written by Hannah Lee and Joan Wong
The walls are closing down on me
The waves outsound my symphony
My world is dark and I cant see
I search the world but find no answers

Then one day an angel came
To remind me of

Your grace and mercy
And how your love will direct me
Through the days your song is with me
I find my hope in you
And though my heart breaks
I know you have a plan
I lift my hands in surrender
I find my hope in you

Sometimes i want to run away
So many times i dont understand
Why things would turn out this way
Its not what life's supposed to be

Then one day an angel came
To remind me of

Your grace and mercy
And how your love will direct me
Through the days your song is with me
I find my hope in you
And though my heart breaks
I know you have a plan
I lift my hands in surrender
I find my hope in you

When i reach the end
I will understand all that you've instored for me
My trials are for my victory
And i know Im redeemed BY

Your Grace and mercy
And oh your love will direct me
Through the days your song is with me
I find my hope in you
And though my heart breaks
I know you have the plans
I lift my hands in surrender
I find my hope in you

Today was an interesting spiritual day for me.
Not that i had an interesting spiritual encounter, but rather, many thoughts and challenges that ive come across.

Today, i met sis cheryl.
And we talked.
And as we talked, she said i was her superstar. And that i would blossom wherever she places me. I was really touched when she said that. I was touched because i was thankful for the favour i had found. And i was glad that someone saw and believes in me in this certain way.

As we talked, i thought through many things.

I realised this year has been one of the best years of my life.
Yet ironically, it was one of the hardest.

Ive had the best school spirit and friends i could ask for.
I started making something of myself in my greatest passion.
But i missed many golden opportunities for reasons i do not understand.
And i destroyed friendships i treasured with all my heart.
I nearly walked away from God completely.

Yet, i feel like ive grown stronger than ever.
Ready for the new year ahead.
I now understand what P.Andy meant when he said that the time will come where the youth will step up to the same line as the Adult Leaders.

When God set me to leave sat and go sunday, neither pandy nor me knew why. But after stepping into the sunday cell, i have found out why. God had set me there to lead the cell.

Next year, after the J2s leave, the only Sps left in RR would be Giselle and I. And the Sbs... well, we will have to take more than 1. And as i look at the people left in the cell, i dont forsee an easy time ahead. I forsee next year to be a year that will be heartbreaking, but yet rewading. I see the year as one of great prayer and trust in God because many things will be beyond my control. Yet i must go beyond the norm to reach out and grow my people. I do believe in the potential that they have, but i will need to grow a relationship and trust. And wisdom and strong discernment from the holy spirit as i speak into their lives.

Oh God. Help. Haha.

Well, P.Andy told me Next year would be a very important year for me. and oh. dont i know it.

I feel that God has placed a certain annointing on my life.
And as they saying goes- With great power comes great responsibility.
And i know sis Cheryl will push me to join IH.
Oh Lord help. Haha

But even so, wow.
I just gotta keep close to God, and hold on no matter what. It may be hard, but God, i am holding on to you.

Yesterday, i met joan to write a song for my soma recording.
And after a rather gruelling 4hrs, we wrote a song.
And its beautiful. (:

The title is 'I Find My Hope In You'

And everytime i hear the chorus, i feel encouraged despite my troubles.
This is how it goes:

Your grace and mercy
And How your love will direct me
Through the days your song is with me
I find my hope in you
And though my heart breaks
I know you have the plans
I lift my hands in surrender
I find my hope in you

I think this song might be my greatest encouragement in the year ahead.
Lord, speak to me.
I need to hear your voice.

A Successful Life

Hello everyone.
Who hasnt given up reading. Haha.

Here's the news- I didnt make OGL'10
Yupp.
The ever excited, ever enthusiastic, ever hyper Hannah didnt make OGL.

Wow.

When i couldnt find my name on the list, surprisingly, i didnt feel anything. I didnt feel a great pang of disappointment, i didnt feel upset, i didnt feel happy either. I just looked at the list, sighed, and walked away with my head held high in the air.

I dont know whats with me. Haha.

Have i missed out on too many dreams this year that i have become numb to the disappointment?
Have I been stoned by life so much this one didnt even matter anymore?
Haha. My reaction shocks me.

I thought i'd be so devastated if i missed out on OGL.
But now i just feel... nothing. Nothing at all.

Maybe i kinda expected it?
Come on. who am i kidding.
I was probably the only one who applied despite 3 R papers.
Maybe they hate my guts for even trying. Haha.

So now i wonder. How should i feel?
Shoudl i feel upset they didnt choose me?
Or angry they didnt even give me a chance?
And should i really not perform for the SC anymore?

Hmmmm...

Well, i think the reason i didnt get in was because of my freaking 3 R papers.
Sigh. This is Singapore.
I was talking to Mr Tan yesterday and we talked about alot of rather deep stuff.
one of them was studies.
And i felt very sad as we talked about it because it just saddens me that Singapore is such a community based on Education. And this year i have experienced so much on non-acadamic skills that will take you far and further than your education can. Yet, in the end, all people want to see is that qualification on paper. I feel sad. Very sad. Because sometimes, the most capable people are brushed because of something as superficial as grades.

Well, as i thought about these, i thought of my life.
I thought of the things i have accomplished.
And i say to myself - I have lived a successful life.

My grades are average. Yet i feel like i have accomplishd much in my life. My grades are terrible in school. Yet i feel like the most successful person in the school. Every other area of my life has achieved greatly in one way or another. So because my grades arent good, does that mean i am not succesful?

No, i beg to differ.

The greatest thing that has happened to me, was that God has been with me all these while.
THough my studies have lacked, God has blessed me gretly in my life, and i feel very blessed. The road i have walked has been tough. But yet i say i am blessed because God has been good. God has been amazingly good.

And i feel successful.

Why does this society only see grades?
Why cfant they look beyond that?
Success is not from grades alone.
It comes from deep inside the person as a whole.

My grades are terible.
Yet i feel successful.

I have a God who is amazing.
I have a great family.
I have great friends.
I have an amazing track career most people can only dream of.
I have a rather super human strength for a singaporean athlete.
At the same time, i have a voice that sings into your soul.
I am a leader.
I am passioante about the things i do.

So why look only at my grades?

Even so.
I dont care.
Because i feel successful.
Very succesful. (:

And all these successes are not without their credits.
THe biggest one to God.
Because it was HE that made all these come to pass.

Thank you Lord, for my successful life.
I feel content with what i have achieved.
I feel very blessed.
THank you Lord.

I praise you for your goodness in my life.

You have been good, oh Lord.
You have been good. (:

Only God is God.

Well.
The past weekend has been an amazing one with God.

Well, over the past weekend, ive been busy being involved with Ignyte's Got Talent. (:
It was an amazing event.
Well okay. I sang at it.
But that wasnt what made it awesome.

I sang my rendition of I Could Only Imagine by mercy me.
And im very encouraged by the comments people have made regarding my performance.
Honestly, i dont care if i win or lose, because my main purpose was to serve God, and to minister to the people with this song. And to hear many people feedback to me that they were encouraged by my testimony and they were blessed by that song, its enough for me. I feel like a winner already. And i thank God. (: Haha.

WEll, Just wanna share what my sis's friend told her on msn anyway. (:
I was really encouraged. HAha.

Sis Friend: Ur Sis Rocks
Luv Her
Sis : Dont Continue
She's Beside Me
Sis Friend: -_-
Sis: She asked what else
Sis Friend: I Liked the Dynamics ^^
The other girl didnt have any. And she was straining.
Hmmmm.
The Testimony was realli nice
In not really a church person (As you know)
But damn i almost cried when she sang
The vocal range that the song required wasnt very wide but she sang it
very very nicely
She had the emotion behind it and it sounds very nice
Waaaaaaaah! Ur sis is gud
^^
Ok Finished

Haha. When i read this, i was really encouraged. I was glad that God could use my voice and this song to touch the hearts of people. And iw as content. It was a great encouragement as a girl who isnt that close to God could feel God's presence touch her during that song. Haha. No wonder P.Andy called it an annointed song. It was really an annointed song.

Ive always believed i carried that annointing. And im glad i never let it go, and guarded it with my heart. I guess thats where the feeling and emotions come from. From the annointing that God has placed upon my heart. Because whenever i sing a song that is dedicated to God, for some reason, that song would come alive on its own, and it would hit people like a big wave. Well, all i can say is, i guess thats the manifastation of the annointing God has placed upon me yea? (: Haha,. How awesome.

Anyway.
I guess my performance went well.
And im really really really glad that people could feel that song.
To me, thats enough.
And im really glad to have served in this event.
Because i was given many opportunities (painful and not) to grow.
And i definately have grown.
So yay! (:

Well, God really met me this weekend.
P.Andy's message was rather powerful, i'd say. HAha. Esp his last story about richard and michelle. Man. It sure pulled my heart strings. Haha. (:

But one thing that God really spoke to me about was through the drama and dance special item. God spoke to me everytime i saw the entire production. It was powerful.

WEll to begin with, it was a powerful annointed song. Haha. Really. It was.
Let me show you.
And let God speak to you through this song.

The title of this song is God is God.
It is by Steven Curtis Chapman.

And it really spoke to me. Coupled with the drama's presentation.
It was really timely for me, esp with all that ive been through these few months. (:

The drama started with the song.
And at the beginning, everyone was like nothing.
And then Kenneth walked in as 'God' as gave them all life.
Then he showed them the charcoal and showed them that they were to use it to draw the portion of the picture they were given to draw.
then he sent them off to draw their picture.

The Lord spoke to me that he has given each of us talents. And with our talents we are to use to to serve his Kingdom, to 'paint the part of our picture' he has destined for us to do. And by faith, we need to draw according to the outline he's given, acording to the impressions he's placed upon our hearts to do.

As the thing went on, several people wanted to give up on the drawing as they found it too hard, or they didnt understand what they were drawing. But their fellow people and even God himself went to encourage them to keep drawing their picture.

This spoke to me about how at times i just want to give up on God. And give up on the things he has destined for me to do. Just like in my very life, how i wanted to give up on God, on evangelising, on doing the things that God had placed on my heart to do. And at those times, how God will send people to encourage me not to give up, and even at times, how he himself had encouraged me, and brought me back to drawing that picture he had placed within me to draw.

After that, there was this portion that God would take the picture drawn by Hanyii and replace it with the one by another girl. Although this was actually because Hanyii couldnt draw a symetrical eye with the other girl, i think it was amazing how God made it out to be. Because that very part spoke to me. The moment God took the picture Hanyii painstakingly drew and gave it to someone else to complete, it struuck me real hard.

So many times in my life have i felt like ive put in so much in something, only to have it be taken away from me and given to someone else. And have something else i dont want put into my hand to do. Just like the whole If I Aint Got You Situation. But it was because God had greater plans. He wanted Hanyii to start on the picture, and let it be finished off by another person who could do it more skillfully than she did. And give her something she could do better in return.

This really struck me deep deep. God reminded me that everytime he takes something out of my hands, no matter how precious, it was because he had better things in store, and he knew my capabilities and wanted to make me shine with them instead of striving to do the things i cannot. So decides to switch the roles over. Haha. Just like he did during A bright New World. (: And i blossomed so much more as Nonya Boon. (:

At the end, the people are done with their part of the picture, and are very unsure of what it is. Because it means nothing to them. But then God gathers them, and they follow God, and with his guidance, they put their pieces of art tgt, and form a beautiful picture - The face of Jesus.

It spoke to me greatly, esp with the chorus of the song playing behind it. Combined tgt it hit me real hard. It reminded me that I can only see a part of what God is really doing. And i will not understand what its about. But upon continual trust in God, in time, he will put the pieces together and i will see the big picture and finally understand what his intention was. It was a great reminder that in all things, God is still God. And i am but Man. But Only God is God. And i must trust in him. Because he sees the picture that i do not see.

Its just like what my dad has been speaking to me about. The convergence points in my life. Where all the events that took plce will come together, and i will understand what God is trying to do.

God is truely an amazing God.
And i thank God for all that ive been through.
Cos its opened my eyes to the things he has been doing.
And has strengthened my faith in him like never before.
Thank you Lrd for this great weekend with you.

Only God is God.

God is God and I am Not
I can only see a part
Of the Picture he's painting
God is God and I am Man
So I'll never understand it all
For only God is God

Hello.

Today was an interesting day.

I woke up late and was late for training. Haha.
But training was quite horrid.
My body was really tight from wed's training.
So my training was awful today. :/

So after training, i went to church for the rehearsal for Ignyte's got talent.
And i became the vocal coach of the day.
HAHA!
It was really interesting for me.
I guess most of the things i did came to me rather naturally because it's become a part of me as a performer. A rather experienced one in a sense. Haha.

I started out helping Krystle with her song - If I Aint Got You.
I even let her have my minus one track. haha. :)
I guess i really got over the whole giving song episode.
Well, i kinda came to terms with it.
Each artist has his or her interpretation of the song.
So the song is still mine.
Well. at least the way i did it.

I didnt teach her what i did.
I just helped her according to her style.
I didnt want to give her my ideas.
I wanted her to make her own song. (:
And i really thank God that when i helped her, i helped her geninely, with no hint of envy or anger. But rather with a true heart that wanted to help. (: Haha. YAY! I think im growing. (: So Thank God for that. Haha.

After helping her out, and she sounds really good btw. :P
I helped Dan Yau out with his song.
Lots of pronounciation and voice projection and using the within to sing. (:
Well it paid off cos he sounded ALOT better than when he started.
Hopefully he'll keep it that way. HAha. (:

So anyway.
After them, P.Andy wanted to hear mine. I think he had his doubts and because of the lack of time, he had half the mind to scrap my singing. I honeslty wouldnt have any issues with him taking my portion out cos im here to serve and i already have served in many ways, esp with the position of a youth in such a special event. So to me, i felt like ive already done my part. Besides, i have performed so much outside already, i guess it'll be fine to give others the opportunity this time. (: Haha.

But he asked me to try out the song anyway.
And i did.
The guitar wasnt awesome cos the strings were so slippery.
And to suddenly hear my voice in that area... Haha. Not so used to it already.
So it wasnt SOOO awsome, but the spirit and emotions went through. (:
So thats okay..

Well, after i performed for him, he knew at once he wanted me to sing on both days.
He said this "After watching that performance, i feel you carry a certain annointing in your singing"
ANd i instantly said "I know"
HAHA!

yes, it is suuuper bhb.
But it wasnt becuse i fel proud he said that.
But it was truely from a place of belief and conviction and calling i have received and felt from God for so many years in my life. I have always believed and felt that God had placed a certain annointing upon me and my voice. So im not ashamed of that.

Well, one example would be when i worship lead in FMSS.
After that session, Benedict came up to me and said "Annointed."

So i actually know that i carry that annointing.
And being in WM also cultivated that sensitiveness to that annointing as well.
Which is perhaps why i felt frustrated after awhile getting nowhere in WM.
Its becasue i knew i had something to give.
And not being able to give it to its fullness frustrated me.

Which is also why i find joy in singing outside.
Cos i get the freedom to express myself and reach out and touch the hearts of people with my voice. And that is a great gift i treasure that the almighty has given to me. and i am truely grateful for it. (:

Well, P.Andy told me i will be a 'contestant' this weekend at Ignyte's Got Talent.
Honestly, i was trying NOT to become a contestant cos im afraid it might pull out the competitive side of me that would PERFORM instead of MINISTER.

But right now, with all my heart, i want to pray and set my heart right. Because i know this is a long-awaited opportunity from God to me to serve and minister with my voice. I am truely seeking to minister instead of just singing. I want to spread the love of God with the song im singing. I want to let people experience the intimacy i enjoy through the song i sing. I want God to use this song to touch the hearts of people.

Father,
I pray that you will use me greatly this weekend to touch the hearts of people. Lord, i thank you for the opportunity to serve you in this area. To lift my life as a living sacrifice, just as Romans 12 says. Lord i truely want to serve and worship you. May the song i sing bring music to your ears, and may you use it to reach out to the congregation. Lord i know out of the spirit there will be an outpour andan outflow of annointing this weekend. And i believe you will use this opportunity like never before.
Lord. Use me.

I thank you Lord.

In Jesus name i pray,
Amen.

James 3:4

Okay. Maybe im blogging so much nowadays to make up for the lack of in the year. Hahahaha. (:

Anyway. doing my Tawg now.
And this hit me differently than it could, or usually would.

Well, I decided i should do my tawg now since im planning to watch my lovely movies when i get home later. And by the time they end, it would be so late and i would be so tired i wouldnt be able to spend such quality time with God.

So i went to my online bible and went to 2 Timothy, where i stopped the last time.
And i said to God,
God, what should i read today? What do you want to speak to me about?
And i felt in my heart - James 3:4

Okay.
So i turned to james 3.
It was about the Tongue and how powerful it can be, small as it may be.
So my first thought was: This has no relvance to the emotions i feel right now?

But i read on anyway.

And when i read vs 4,
it just had a different meaning for me.

James 3:4
4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.

Ships are LARGE.
but they are controlled by SMALL rudders.

I felt the Lord pres on my heart my current situation.
And this was what he impressed upon my heart:

My Life may be facing many strong winds right now.
They may be tossing me left to right violently.
But ultimately, its that small will within that can control how i react, how i feel towards the wind. It will control what my reaction to the wind will be.
It will control my direction i take in spite of the strong wind.

So in this situation, i have a say on what i should do.
Should i crumble under the pressure, or should i look to other things that still holds great hope and purpose for me? Do i dwell on the things that hurt me, or do i learn to let go and let God?

The christian faith isnt one for the faint hearted. This much i know.
But despite the pain, i will press on.
For my God is greater than all.
that i know for sure.


The next verse that hit me were 14 and 16:
14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.
16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

I find the words in these two verse make alot of sense to me.
So many times in my life have i been so selfish and envious of things.
And these things should not be boasted about, nor should they be denied.

Isnt that wisdom?
I always feel like making them known cos i want people to understand me and understand how i really feel. But perhaps that isnt the best option cos it may bring more harm than peace. But yet upon confrontation, they should not be denied. Because if they are confronted upfront, change will come. But if not confronted, they should be kept to yourself. Less you been seen as a selfish person with a small heart.

Aye. Now i know.
And i regret what i did.
That caused me to lose one of my best friends ever.
I really do regret.
And i wish i could do something to save the friendship.
But what can i do?
Aye. :/
Now i know.
Haha.

Lord,
I pray that you will come and bring a change in my heart and in my life.
I dont wanna keep living a life of secret vice, jealousy and pride. It will break me apart, and break the things i care about. God, you have been breaking me on the inside. Break me. Take my pride. And make me whole again. I know you have intended me for more than what i see before my eyes. Help me to trust you. Help me to trust myself. For i know that you have plans to prosper me. But all these have to take place first. I can see myself grow already. But Lord, help me not forget all that ive learnt this season. And as i step into the new season, Lord i know it will be a season of great harvest and plentiful grace. So Lord i thank you.
In Jesus name,
Amen.

SAAA is a bunch of liars.

Bunch of liars.
WTH.

The YOG stuff are out for atheletes. And guess what? THey're capping it to 16 and 17 year olds.

And the official age limit is from 14 to 18 years old.
So that just makes them a bunch of liars aint it?
HOW STUPID OMG!

Why cap and limit your choices? Whats the rationale behind it?
I really dont understand.
They have a wide variety of athletes aged 18, which is actually legal for the games, and they dont wanna let these 18 year olds that are so much better compete.

Saaa is dumb.
Bunch of liars.

this is the reason why Spore wont go far in sports.
Cos when the whole world sends 18 year olds, spore sends 16 and 17. lol.
Big joke.
Great wonder why we're so bad at sports.

HELLO!
HAHA

Ever since PW ended, Life seems a little more aimless to me. Hehe.
Like there isnt anything to really aim for. :/
No work that is urgently due.

Well.
Now im kinda busy thinking about the Sectional Outing Planning Committee cos sis Cheryl made me the Chairperson of it. So i have to be on the ball on this issue. So its the next thing i need to plan and work towards.

But other than that, there isnt really anything else. :/

I feel lazy to start studying for my Rs, but i know i need to start studying if not im just gonna die in Dec or something. And maybe risk my chances of becoming an OGl. :/ So gotta work gotta work gotta work!! AHHH!!!

Training has been increasingly tough for me.
Coach has been paying ALOT more attention on me and my training, and he has been pushing me ALOT more than the rest.

Well, i guess thats a good sign.
He reminded me that we only have 3 months to work towards and improvement. Because Nats is like early April next year? So i really dont have time to improve! AHH! so if i really do wanna do well next year, i gotta really work these few months and not give up no matter how tough it is.

Haha. I told ya Hannah's gonna be BACK IN ACTION!

And she is. ;)
I finally got my fiery determination back.
Well, not to its fullest, but alot more than the period after exams. Haha.
So yea. Im getting back on track and thats a good thing! (:

I recently heeded THong En's advice on going to the library and borrowing a book on throwing. I managed to pick up this book called the Complete Book For throwers, which is really aesome! I am totally learning alot from the book, and trusting more in my coach cos what it says in there corresponds to most of what my coach is making me do.

Also, my body is reacting well to the training. And after talking to him the other day, i regained my trust in his training methods. He told me that as a thrower, i cannot and should not run too much. Because as throwers, we have big and heavy upper bodies, but weaker legs. So we cannot overuse them lest we injure them and cause more trouble for ourselves. he told me we were gonna start more specific trainings to get certain muscles really moving and we were gonna do more right legs, more short sprints, and more explosives stuff. He told me i wasnt strong enough. So we'll hve to work more on that. He told me that he might change my weight plans to more specific ones cos that might be more importnat for me. He told me that he wanted to correct my flip, cos its a little laggy and im still throwing whereas throws should be a flip and a snap action.

I think im totally talking greek to most of you, but i do understand and trust in him alot more now. Aye.

Now Who's that idiot who said throwing was easy?
LOL. (:

Ahhhh. Next week there's still lectures. T_T
And other schools ended school already. lol.
Life is so fun, aint it. haha.
Who ask me to choose VJ.

Well, i still have no regrets. (:


Oh yes.
OGL Interview next week! :D
teamed up with Erica and i think we're gonna be TOTALLY AWESOME! ^_^
Ah well.
Cant wait! ^_^

Remininse

You know,
ever since the whole If I Aint Got you episode with P Andy, Ive been listening to my musicfest song over and over again on Facebook. ANd each time i listen to it, i feel a sense of warmness just seep into my heart.

The memory of standing there on stage.
The adrenalin rush that made my entire body shingle in excitement as i sought to hit every note to perfection, as i sought to bring the aemotions through.

No wonder i won.
It really was an amazing performance.
Even as i sit here at Hans with my Dad's laptop and just listen to that performance, and type this blog out, the emotions and soul in that song that day is just...
Overwhelming.
wow.

No wonder the people felt it.
I honestly, honestly, never knew that that performance was THAT good.

I still remember how it felt to have the audience cheer when i hit the big parts of the song. As my vocals rumbled through the performance theatre.
And how amazingly loud the audience cheered when the song ended.
That feeling.
That moment.
Was probably one of the best in my life.

Up till now the massiveness of applause cant be remembered because it was so loud, so massive, it was unimaginable and crazy. It was like a dream come true. MAN! Wow.

When i was listeninng to it, i forgot it was me.
In fact everytime i listen to it, i cant believe it was me on that stage, singing that way that i did. I never believed i was THAT good.
And until now, i sitll dont believe it.

But i guess thats a good thing. (:
So i can keep trying new stuff and keep trying to improve myself. (:

But for now.
I take pride in my Alicia Keys song.
That was one of the best moments in my life.
And that song, is and will always be my signature song. (:

If i aint got you.

Heartbroken

I feel like i just pulled my heart out of my body.
I feel so heartbroken.
Like the inside of me is just really down and out and my heart hurts so badly. So badly.

Today, i went to school to do PW. The last of it.
We had to pack the PW file, and hand up I&R.
Then that was that, and PW ended for good.

Im happy for that.
I really am.
But i cant express it cos of the great hurt im experiencing right now.

So after PW, i went out with nicole, yijie, hwee yin, sien, hafeeza and tracy.
We went to subway, then spent alot of time trying to find somehwere to go. Haha. I did enjoy the company, and im really glad im getting closer to my class girls. (: They are an interesting bunch.

So they decided to go nicole's house. though we wanted to randomly crash Hung at Victoria Hall, but we decided not to. Haha. So they went to nicole's place and since i was supposed to meet P.Andy, i went to church, rather early, actually. Haha.

So i sat at Hans for about an hour, reading my Complete Book for Throwers, which was rather insightful cos i really understood alot more about throwing from it. So that was awesome and fruitful.

Then i met P.Andy.

Apparantly, the rehearsal for the contestants was cancelled cos he wanted to concentrate on the drama performance, and he forgot to tell me. So i stayed there to help them with some stuff like the planning of the programme and all.

And thats when the bombshell was dropped.

Okay, so the sob story actually began last thursday, when p.andy asked me to meet him for an 'audition' since there wasnt enough people that signed up. So i went, and his intention was more of me to sing and serve with my singing than to try and get into the contest. So okay. I went, and i sang If I aint got you, and I could only imagine. Unfortunately, the minus one i played was the one that was too high. So it didnt sound as good. :/

Okay. So taht was last week.

Over the weekend, P Andy told me to do I Could Onlyy Imagine.

And today, he dropped a bombshell on me.

Krystle had signed up for Ignyte's Got Talent.
But P.Andy couldnt find a good song that suited her voice.

And as he looked at me while saying that, it hit him. He wanted to use If I aint got you for her. He wanted to use My Song for her.

I was in shock.
My heart just broke.

It was my song.
The song that debuted my singing career in VJ.
The song that everyone remembered me for.
The song that when i sang it, ppl thoght it was the actual track.
My signature song.

And because of my demonstration last week, he now wanted to use it for someone else.

Can you even imagine me hurt?
My pain?
Its like someone just stole what you held so dear and so precious to your heart.
To have it taken away from you when you took it out for display.
It just sucks.
It really really really sucks.

I feel like my heart was ripped out of my body and placed on a hot grill under the beautiful night sky.

I was just so hurt.

So P.Andy called her and put her on loudspeaker and told her to try the song.
I couldnt take it.
I refused to talk to her or even look at P.Andy as he talked to her.
My heart just broke.
It shattered into a million pieces.
I tried so hard not to cry.

P.Andy told me that if i cant handle it, i should tell him, and he wouuld not let her use it. But as the meeting went on, i just felt a conviction in my heart. A reminder from God that i joined this 'contest' to serve him. Not to compete. Not to show off my talent. But to truely stand on stage, and minister to the people with my voice, and the song that God has used to touch the many hearts and lives of people in my school.

So i decided to allow Krystle to use the song, and to settle for I could Only imagine.

So after the meeting ended, i asked P.Andy to stay back cos i wanted to talk to him.

I told him my decision, and the rationale behind it. and he shared some stuff with me.
As he went on in his sharing, my heart just broke. And it wouldnt heal.
I just couldnt take the fact that someone else could take my song, and do it better.
The reason i keep saying it like its being stolen is because i showed him the song. I pulled the song out, and presented it as my own. And then it was taken, and given to someone else. It hurts. It hurts so bad. So bad.

And i cant do anything about it.

Its all in the glory of God.
The sacrifice of something precious so that the glory of God may be shown.
So that a great Ignyte event is possible.
So that she looks good.

Haha. I could totally write an article in F my Life.
but i wont.
And i refuse to think of it that way.
I cannot be selfish.

As a potential future artist, it is a fact that people can take and adapt your songs. And i must deal with it.

Aye. I feel really sore.
Its not a good feeling.

But truely, this is true, my intentions in joining this event was to serve God.
And since he has chosen for things to turn out this way, i must accept it with a cheerful heart. Because i choose to serve God. And be joyful and trust that he will do things that are meant to take me to greater hieghts. Besides, he has never failed me in my life. In the time that the role of sophia balckmore was taken away for me, and i was given the role of nonya boon instead, God meant to prosper me as i did that role splendidly, and even got a song writen just for me for that role.

So in the same way, i must trust in God.
Although my heart hurts from the sacrifice, i must trust in God.
That he will use me and use that song for greater purposes.

Now i understand what it means to fully serve God.
You know, the apostles in the Bible all had to sacrifice one thing or another in their service to God. Most sacrificed their lives and all. And all of them sacrificed something that was precious to them. Just like the boy who gave his 2 loaves and 5 fishes. He gave all that he had- His precious lunch, in return for a greater good. He gave it to Jesus who then broke the bread and fed the thousands. He gave what was precious to him to serve the purpose of God. In return for better.

Just like the woman who gave the last two copper coins she had to the temple of God. Of the little she had, she gave willingly, and Jesus saw it, and she was honoured before all mankind of many generations.

I always tell God, i dont have much to give, just take all of me.
And this time, he really did.
He took whats precious to me, to use it for his glory.
And what returns do i get?
I dont know yet. But im not hoping for much.

Although the small evil side of me secretly hopes that girl cant do the song, but MOST of me genuinely hopes she succeeds. Because i know my intentions of serving God are true. So no matter what the outcome, as long as i serve God, i will be content.

In my trials, i will praise him.

God i praise you.
For i know that in the midst of my pain, you are there.
And you know whats best for me.
So i place my trust in you.
I place my trust in you.
I believe in Jesus.

This i will not waver.



I doubt i can face P.Andy in a while. Haha.
Ah well.

Goodbye PW!!!

Today was my Oral Presentation!

And thankfully, it went pretty well.
I think i might have screwed up a little bit...
But my friends said it was okay..
So i just gotta pray and believe in God for good results. Haha.

Aye.

Im so glad PW's over.
Although it'll only be officially over tmr, cos thats when we will hand up our I&R and compile all our work togeher, i feel like its already over cos there's nothing left to panic about, there's nothing left to do cos all that needs to be done has been done. (:

Although i hated PW for many reasons, on hindsight, i feel that i have gained much from this experience. I've learned to be more critical, to be more compromising, to be more arranged, to see things from certain views to increase effeciency, presentation skills and lots and lots of teamwork. Truely, PW has achieved its aim of both sucking the life out of people., as well as developing life skills it was made to develop.

The process was tedious, but as much as i hate to admit it, i enjoyed myself while doing PW. (: It was an interesting experience, and honestly, im kinda glad we have to do it. If not i doubt i'll ever get to experience such good real life examples and experiences on working skills, and people skills. Oh yes. People skills. You have no idea. HAhahahaha. ;)

Ah well.
Its time to say goodbye to PW.
really glad its over. (: