Passionate Heartbeat of a Worshipper

Prelims

2010-09-22T11:56:00.003+08:00

Hello.
Its almost the end of prelims and i think im starting to see some light :D HAha
Well im really glad that prelims are almost over. But when i think about the future right after prelims, i cant seem to find that sense of YES ITS OVER cos even when prelims end, the studying regime would pretty much remain the same. So there's no feeling of anticipation for it to be over cos really, to me its just been a 'practice paper' and not something that will determine anything. So im not stressing my self over it. (:

BUT.
Prelims has been anoying.
I mean you cant really ignore all the hype and stress that you go through while preparing for the paper right. HAha. And yea i could totally do without the freaking out over mind blankings and getting irritated when i cacnt seem to remember anything. Id do without them anytime. x) haha.

But looking back i think its been a really good exam. (:
Im not sure how i'd do, but i definately say its my best exam performance to date. (:
Ive never felt so confident (Not that im very confident) when i step into the exam hall and sure of myself when i did the paper. Although i dont know how to answer a number of the questions, the fact that i actually knew what i was doing was enough of a comfort for me. It just showed me that im improving and catching up and hey, maybe i do have a shot at As. (:

Retaining is not even an option now considering how well i understand my stuff now. You know really, it doesnt seem as hard and daunting as it seemed in the beginning of the year. (: I guess i just took it one step at a time and as i take every step, the steps become easier and easier and it becomes more of a breeze. (: Not that i know everything or enough to get an A but i think if i continue at this pace, i'll get there eventually. (:

Well, this prelims has been filled with divine intervention.

When i was studying many of my subjects, i just felt alot of promptings from God that this will come out, this will not come out, concentrate on this topic, dont bother about the other one.. and really. Its been so amazing.

One example i want to highlight is Biology paper 2.
I was studying and studying and i nearly gave up sudying protein synthesis cos i was kinda sick of studyng DNA and i didnt really want to immerse myself into it. But something (which i believe was God) kept prompting me to study it. Like A FEW TIMES through my studyng. So i just forced myself to study it well and GUESS WHAT! It came out a 10m question just on protein syntheses. I think i got it. ;) HAHA. Thank God man. Its sooo amazing what God has been doing for me.

Another thing is, MY GC DIED YESTERDAY NIGHT and not during my papers! Thats really really amazing considering how much i need a GC for chem today. And it died last night! God is soo good. really. (:

Ive been listening to podcasts and praying and reading proverbs and its quite funny how God has been speaking to me. One thing he's been revealing to me are my faults in myself. And my weaknesses. And as much as i dont want to admit them or do anything about them, i think its time i did something about them before they become a thorn in my flesh. So aye. Be Humble, Hannah. Lay down your pride and start learning.

So thats all from me today. (:

Ciao, fellas. (:

YOG

2010-08-15T00:28:00.002+08:00

Today was the opening of the YOG!
The opening ceremony was SOOO GOOD OMG!!!
Im so fraeking proud of singapore!
I really am! :)
What a spectacular show for and to the world. I am so produ of the standards.
The skyline was sooo beautiful and the fireworks just made it even moer amazing!
The lighting was sooo well done and the song 'Everyone', man... It made my heart melt. It is such a great song. I would kill to work with ken lim one day. He is one amazing man. x)

Im really proud of SInapore.
And i am proud to be a singaporean, even though i am only half one.
My birth is half, but my blood is pure.
I really love SIngapore. (;

Unfortunately sadly not everyoone feels the same way. :( Many singaporeans are very negaive towards thr country, how its run, the weather, the education, the sports.. the list goes on. But they never realise how priveledge they are until they don have it anymore. I feel really sad towards these singaporeans because Singapore ius such a great country. If only they would open their eyes and start appreciating what they have instead of thinking about the bad stuff. If you only concentrate on the downsides, you'll never be happy cos you'll never realise he good things around you. and to me, thats pathetic. And they have my sympathy. Sigh... I reallly hope they'll realise how great singapore is. And appreciate what they have now.

But that aside, you know how everything is about sports right now, I just came back from a run and i was running by the road. Guess what. Almost everyone in the cars that drove past drove slower to check me out. See if i was a yog athlete. T_T HAHAHHA. It was damn funny i was soo tickled! x) How amusing. I am seriously gonna try wearing my hong kong china shirt to J8 and see if they are especially nice to me because they think i am a foreign athlete! HAHA I bet you it;'ll work. HAHAHA.

But anyway. Im sooo excited for YOG even though im not a part of it.
If only i didnt have As this year! :(
I would have gone to see alot alot alot ALOT of things and spend monkey time on the TV man. HAHAHA. Lapping everything up!
Come on. Having such a historic game at my doorstep is just the best thing in the world. Esp since i live like an olympian cos i really try to make the olympic values the way i live my life. Of course other than God's way. But i really want to embody what being an olympian means, even if i am or will never be one.

The Olympic values:
Excellince, Friendship, Respect.
Citius, Altius, Fortius.

Believe you're a champion,
Think like one
And one day, you will become one.

2010-08-11T20:46:00.003+08:00

Hello!

Haha. Its kinda a pity i didnt blog much this year. :( Now i kinda regret it cos i didnt get to pen many of my best moments this year down. :( Okay actually i can remember the best moments of the year. but sometimes its the jokes of the day i want to remember and the mundane things i did and the different things that i do everyday... Sigh... But ah well. I guess i should start penning down the best parts at least. (:

well right now...
Im really excited to go watch YOG. I really really wish i could be part of the experience in one way or another. :( DARN STUPID As. As seriously screwed my life up im so sad. :( Haha. Well, the athletes have all arrived at the games village and its sooo exiting the thought that my china competitor is already in town!! I really really wanna meet her and take her out! ANd meet all the pros and friend them too! OMG SO EXCITING! :D Time to throw away my face and be some crazed YOG fan that i actually am. HAHAHAHA. :)

OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH
HEY! :D

Exciting. much?

2010-08-02T11:12:00.001+08:00

Hello. Haha.

I just booked my tickets for YOG! :D

Im in school now. Im supposed to be studying but hey.

Its YOG!

Im so excited to have the best youth athletes in my own country!! Its sooo exciting!!!

Well i guess it so much more relevant to me since im a youth athlete too. (:

And making friends with foreign athletes have always been the best part of overseas comps anyway. So yog is just so so so spectacular to me im so excited. (:

Gonna spend $100 on YOG man. Thank God ive been saving up. Or at least havent had the opportunity to spend. HAha. x) Awesome much! Just heart pain that the tickets are sooooo damnnnn expensive!!!

But YOG.

Once in a lifetime experience hello!!!

In Singapore HELLO!

At Bishan Stadium HELLOOO!!!

And sommore i know some of the athletes competing. Hurhur.

So awesome to go ASian Juniors. ;) WOOTS!

Gu Si Yu FTW!!

My china pal YO!!

HAHAHAHA. :D

SO anyway.

YOG is so awesome i can hardly wait.

Gonna watch it on 22nd august!

I cant thank God enough on how he made it possible for me to go!

1. Its on a WEEKEND

2. Its BEFORE my prelims

3. Its BOTH guys and girls SHOT PUTT AND JAVELIN!!!

The top 2 events i wanna watch omg!!! <3!

So DAMN EXCITED! :D :D :D

But other than that, life just kinda sucks man.

Studying everyday every hour...

I dont feel anywhere near prepared for prelims much less As.

Mr Tan just told me if i dont get all Ds for prelims, im very risky.

Die sia.

Ive never even gotten more than a D for my exams before la. :(

And prelims are supposed to be hard right.

Oh god im sooo dead i dont know where to start.

Kinda like freaking out right now but i cant do anything about it.

And being a near-elite athlete...

Failure is not an option.

Sigh.....

Need.

Help.

Lots and lots of help. :/

For now, back to chem.

Byebye. Haha

Im back.

2010-07-28T21:57:00.002+08:00

Okay hello.
I know i havent been blogging in like FOREVER literally since this IS the first post of the year. HAHAHA. Well, I just cant handle having all the nice nice memories being replayed in my head over and over and over again without it being penned down and trust me, the memories ive had this year are so so so worth remembering. (:

So far, the past 7 months has been such a roller coaster ride its really so crazy, yet so memorable. In some ways, it has been the best, yet in other ways it has been the worst.

So today, i'll just tell you how crappy my life has been.

Well. I started the year off quite badly i believe.
I was really lonely and emo and sad and depressed and stuff cos well, i was now alone.
Well almost. I mean after chntal and bo tin left, it was kinda hard to adjust.

I upped my training to everyday training and i needed to study and i didnt have a social life. So i was kinda quite depressed. Haha. It really was sooo bad that my friends could tell i was withdrawing myself, and i seemed more sad, and i just wasnt the happy cool gal i was a few months ago.

But thankfully, slowly, God put people in my life to be friends with me and be there for me and things really did get better. Slowly, i let go and let God bring more people into my life. Slowly i matured and started to understand more about myself and how and why i react to relationships the way i do. Innitially i was kinda sad that i didnt belong to any click since ppl all around me seemed to belong somewhere. But over time, i realised that having people that care about you beats being in one group any time. And having these friends were enough for me. So i started to treasure those around me even more. And i really thank God for that.

Well, i have so many many other things to share. But i'll leave that for next time. (:

CIAO!

Camp!

2009-12-27T17:22:00.002+08:00

I know this is wayyyy overdue, but i havent had the chance to blog about it. Haha. (:

Well, I was finally a GL for camp! :D
YAYYYY!!!
And camp was really really really awesome.
I had a blast, and God just blew me away.

Okay. Lets start by talking about my group.
Red Eagle 3, Hong Ying San, Hegal (Sudu) Merah Tiggah.
I love my group. And i am so so so proud of them and even prouder to be their GL.
The group started out very shaky.
On the first day, it seemed like the group was really closed in and each individual were just an individual. And i started praying really really really har cos it seemed rather hard to be able to open up the group and get them to bond. So i prayed really hard. I was really scared. :/

But as the days went on, i kept spamming games cos thats the best way i know how to bond people- by having fun. So i kept spamming group games and i tried to keep talking to each group member so i could know more about them, and most importantly to find an area to speak into their lives about.

And God was good.
The quietest person of the group opened up to me sharing that she hasnt been to church for a year. So i encouraged her to open her heart to Jesus and receive him anew this camp. Another girl told me straight in the face on day one that she hated camps. Dear God. But in the end, i beleived she enjoyed herself cos she really warmed up to the group and was very chatty. So thank God. They were the girls i was most worried abt. But by the grace of God, they were transformed.

My group is a group of people with different personalities.
But its amazing how we all ended up bonding together as a group.
Hannah- The loud leader
Jared- The VERY loud one.
Sis Yanni- The open one
Nigel- The old one. :P
Nicholas- The joke. :D
Janice- The joker wannabi.
Pearl- The out of the world.
Simon- The out of his mind.
Zeke- The baby! ^_^
Andrea- The queit one
Hannah- The secretly loud one. ;)

So yuou see. We have very different personalities. But how we ended up so bonded a group, i have no idea. :/

So anyway.
On the last day, i got everyone to write nice stuff about each other.
And i spent the night before writing loooooong kletters for each and everyone of my memebers cause i wanted to speak into their lives one last time. And i was very very encouraged by what they wrote for me. It touched my heart so much i wanted to cry. :)

The ones that touched me the most was from Andrea and Nigel.
I was very encouraged by ANdrea's because she was one of the ones that seemed impossible to crack at the beginning. She was one of those i prayed the hardest for. And if it were the old Hannah, I'd probably not care about her because she was so quiet. But after the hard season this year and after the maturing in my mind and spirit, i wanted to make a difference in every single one of their lives. So i tried to speak into her life as much as i could. I prayed for her at the altars too. And this is what she wrote to me:

Thanks for being such a nice Gl, So encouraging."

Just that short line melted my heart. I was so encouraged. I thanked God for using me.

Though the encouragement was short, it was the most encouraging cause it was proof that i had made an impact in her life. I had moved from where i was from not accepting people, to a place of loving unconditionally. ALthough i may not have understood her completely, the fact that she could say i was encouraging meant alot to me. It was a sign that i had grown in the area of loving people. And yes, i loved every single one of my group members. (: God i feel like a mum. T_T

The second person that really encouraged me was nigel, the AF guy in my group. He thanked me for leading the cell, and he said that i had spoken into his life. And i really thank GOd for that. I feel that that was so amazing cause it showed how much i had grown spiritually. I had grown so much that the words i say can encourage a guy older than me. It was just encouraging.

Through the camp, i could tell that my group had heartfelt respect for me. They never questioned my leadership, they trusted in everything i said. They never talked back but they obeyed my cammands whenever i asked them to do something. To me, that was enough. It showed me i had done my job as a GL. My group trusted me. And to me, that was enough. I was more than satisfied with my work as a GL. (:

Moving on to the GOD experience.

This camp was the most God orientated camp ive ever been to. A day of games was cancelled just so we could have time to rest, so that we could pay attention during the night services. And to me, though i was disappointed in not being able to spend more time with my cell, i feel it was a very good call because we all needed the rest. ANd in the endd, God moved like never before.

I think this is the first camp that God truely exceeded my expectations for him.

I asked for a new experience - He gave me one.

He showed me how it was like to touch his presence. It was like a Pandora's box. You open it, you cant bear whats inside. same thing. When i stepped into his presence, deeper than before, i started shaking. I couldnt bear it. God was just too Holy for me to bear it. I kept jumping in and out of it like it was a Hot Spring. What an experience!

It was also the first time that i realised how desperate i was for God. On the first day, durinbg the night service, it seemed like I had been desiring and waiting and praying and seeking something of God, for God's presence, that when it came, it came as a gush of wind. More like a Tsunami. Its indescribable, really. It was just magnificant. God is jsut amazing.

So anyway, God really spoke to me about alot of things during camp.

God really dealt with my hurts from the failures and the fear of furture failures.

God showed me how much i had grown this year in the mind and in the spirit. It had been such a great gfeat season of growth i am stunned by the extent of growth. I think its the biggest extent of growth i have ever experienced. Then again, it was the hardest trial i have been through yet. ANd i thank God for it, because i hung on, and God gave me so much more in return. Truely.

There are so many other things i want to tell.

But most of it is rather personal. Haha.

So its all in a nutshell. (:

Camp was great because God was great.

Never have i been left in such awe and love and wonder for him as i did after this camp.

And his presence still resonates in my heart.

I love Jesus. (:

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-26T00:16:00.002+08:00

Today i had one of the best christmases in my life. (:

Firstly, i received many many nice presents very unexpectedly.
I had innitially wanted to give out my cards and gifts and throw the plastic bag away. But instead, i needed the bag because i received so many gifts! :) And im really touched cos i honestly didnt expect to receive even anything. But i did.

But the thing that touched me the most wasnt the gifts, but rather the reason i got the gifts. Many of the gifts were given out of appreciation of my presence in my friends lives and it really touched me to know how many people ive impacted through the year. I felt so encouraged to see how God has used me to impact and bless the people around me this year. And to me, that was the best christmas present.

So thanks friends, for appreciating me. Because that made my christmas more special than anything. And thank you for letting me appreciate you. THis christmas had truely been one of the most touching ones. (: Because i gave and i received greatly. (: THank you Lord.

THe second thing was that my dad performed for christmas service! Im so so so rpoud of him! ^_^ He sang 'We Three Kings' together with PDA and Bro Titus, but i think although all 3 of them did a great job, my dad sang the best. I was so so so proud of him i gave him a standing ovation! (: He sang so well. The voice control and the power that came out. Sheesh! I was so proud of my daddy. I think i got my voice from him. ;) Hahha.

So anyway.
Its been a great christmas.
Thank you Lord for everything.
I love yuou so much.

Happy Birthday Jesus! (:

Trust in God.

2009-12-13T01:03:00.001+08:00

I asked for Strength, God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom, God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity, God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage, God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love, God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors, God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted, I received everything I needed!

Trust in God.
Always!

- Written by Fuwei Fong. Ignyte Ministry.
Hahahaha. (:

I found this on facebook and i feel like its just so... appropriate and it makes so much sense.
I hink i'll think about it alot more the next few days. (:

RUAN JING TIAN! :D

2009-12-04T23:58:00.002+08:00

Today in Taiwan,
Whilst shopping at Sogo,
In Taipei,
While standing at the escalator waiting for my dad to come down,
i saw an angel.
AHHH!

No i didnt la. HAHAHA.

I SAW RUAN JING TIAN!
You know the Ji Cun Ci from Fated to Love you?
ZOMG! I SAW HIM! :D :D :D

I SAW RUAN JING TIAN LIVE IN TAIWAN!
ZOMG!!!
I was too stunned to react.
I was just in shock!
My goodness!
I couldnt believe i was sooooo lucky as to have seen a taiwan actor and of all of them i saw HIM! ^_^ WOOTS I TELL YOU! WOOTS!

He had shaved his hair short,
was wearing jeans and a white tee,
and sunglasses at the back of his head.
He looks alot skinnier in person.
I think he might have lost somne weight cos his face wasnt so skinny on screen.
AH!
but DAMN HOT SERIOUSLY!
Ahhhhh. BEst day of my life! HAHA

But Thinking back, i should have stalked him down the escalator and asked for an autograph and a picture dammit! But i was too shocked to do anything. Ah DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!
SO WASTED!

I still cant believe i saw him!
WOOTS!!!! ^_^
Best day in TAIWAN EVER! HHAHAHAHHA!

Missing you, love.

2009-11-29T01:24:00.002+08:00

Everytime i go to school nowadays, i feel like i miss Chantal more and more.
I really miss her company.
Class is no longer the same without her beside me.
Without her laughing at my jokes, talking to me about anything and everything, sleeping, drawing, listening.
God i miss her so much. :(

Aye.
School is becoming a little more bleak the more i think about it.
I didnt make OGL.
Not sure how i'll handle it when orientation starts.
Studies are gonna pile up.
Not sure how my track career will be.
Chantal and Bo Tin will no longer be there for me.

God i feel so stressed.
And upset over my life that is to come the year ahead.
I feel so messed up.
So lost.
I just wanna break down and cry.

How odd.
Though i feel this way, the words of my own song speaks to my heart.
And is providing that encouragement i need in this season.

I find my hope in you
written by Hannah Lee and Joan Wong
The walls are closing down on me
The waves outsound my symphony
My world is dark and I cant see
I search the world but find no answers

Then one day an angel came
To remind me of

Your grace and mercy
And how your love will direct me
Through the days your song is with me
I find my hope in you
And though my heart breaks
I know you have a plan
I lift my hands in surrender
I find my hope in you

Sometimes i want to run away
So many times i dont understand
Why things would turn out this way
Its not what life's supposed to be

Then one day an angel came
To remind me of

Your grace and mercy
And how your love will direct me
Through the days your song is with me
I find my hope in you
And though my heart breaks
I know you have a plan
I lift my hands in surrender
I find my hope in you

When i reach the end
I will understand all that you've instored for me
My trials are for my victory
And i know Im redeemed BY

Your Grace and mercy
And oh your love will direct me
Through the days your song is with me
I find my hope in you
And though my heart breaks
I know you have the plans
I lift my hands in surrender
I find my hope in you

2009-11-29T01:01:00.002+08:00

Today was an interesting spiritual day for me.
Not that i had an interesting spiritual encounter, but rather, many thoughts and challenges that ive come across.

Today, i met sis cheryl.
And we talked.
And as we talked, she said i was her superstar. And that i would blossom wherever she places me. I was really touched when she said that. I was touched because i was thankful for the favour i had found. And i was glad that someone saw and believes in me in this certain way.

As we talked, i thought through many things.

I realised this year has been one of the best years of my life.
Yet ironically, it was one of the hardest.

Ive had the best school spirit and friends i could ask for.
I started making something of myself in my greatest passion.
But i missed many golden opportunities for reasons i do not understand.
And i destroyed friendships i treasured with all my heart.
I nearly walked away from God completely.

Yet, i feel like ive grown stronger than ever.
Ready for the new year ahead.
I now understand what P.Andy meant when he said that the time will come where the youth will step up to the same line as the Adult Leaders.

When God set me to leave sat and go sunday, neither pandy nor me knew why. But after stepping into the sunday cell, i have found out why. God had set me there to lead the cell.

Next year, after the J2s leave, the only Sps left in RR would be Giselle and I. And the Sbs... well, we will have to take more than 1. And as i look at the people left in the cell, i dont forsee an easy time ahead. I forsee next year to be a year that will be heartbreaking, but yet rewading. I see the year as one of great prayer and trust in God because many things will be beyond my control. Yet i must go beyond the norm to reach out and grow my people. I do believe in the potential that they have, but i will need to grow a relationship and trust. And wisdom and strong discernment from the holy spirit as i speak into their lives.

Oh God. Help. Haha.

Well, P.Andy told me Next year would be a very important year for me. and oh. dont i know it.

I feel that God has placed a certain annointing on my life.
And as they saying goes- With great power comes great responsibility.
And i know sis Cheryl will push me to join IH.
Oh Lord help. Haha

But even so, wow.
I just gotta keep close to God, and hold on no matter what. It may be hard, but God, i am holding on to you.

Yesterday, i met joan to write a song for my soma recording.
And after a rather gruelling 4hrs, we wrote a song.
And its beautiful. (:

The title is 'I Find My Hope In You'

And everytime i hear the chorus, i feel encouraged despite my troubles.
This is how it goes:

Your grace and mercy
And How your love will direct me
Through the days your song is with me
I find my hope in you
And though my heart breaks
I know you have the plans
I lift my hands in surrender
I find my hope in you

I think this song might be my greatest encouragement in the year ahead.
Lord, speak to me.
I need to hear your voice.

A Successful Life

2009-11-25T00:48:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone.
Who hasnt given up reading. Haha.

Here's the news- I didnt make OGL'10
Yupp.
The ever excited, ever enthusiastic, ever hyper Hannah didnt make OGL.

Wow.

When i couldnt find my name on the list, surprisingly, i didnt feel anything. I didnt feel a great pang of disappointment, i didnt feel upset, i didnt feel happy either. I just looked at the list, sighed, and walked away with my head held high in the air.

I dont know whats with me. Haha.

Have i missed out on too many dreams this year that i have become numb to the disappointment?
Have I been stoned by life so much this one didnt even matter anymore?
Haha. My reaction shocks me.

I thought i'd be so devastated if i missed out on OGL.
But now i just feel... nothing. Nothing at all.

Maybe i kinda expected it?
Come on. who am i kidding.
I was probably the only one who applied despite 3 R papers.
Maybe they hate my guts for even trying. Haha.

So now i wonder. How should i feel?
Shoudl i feel upset they didnt choose me?
Or angry they didnt even give me a chance?
And should i really not perform for the SC anymore?

Hmmmm...

Well, i think the reason i didnt get in was because of my freaking 3 R papers.
Sigh. This is Singapore.
I was talking to Mr Tan yesterday and we talked about alot of rather deep stuff.
one of them was studies.
And i felt very sad as we talked about it because it just saddens me that Singapore is such a community based on Education. And this year i have experienced so much on non-acadamic skills that will take you far and further than your education can. Yet, in the end, all people want to see is that qualification on paper. I feel sad. Very sad. Because sometimes, the most capable people are brushed because of something as superficial as grades.

Well, as i thought about these, i thought of my life.
I thought of the things i have accomplished.
And i say to myself - I have lived a successful life.

My grades are average. Yet i feel like i have accomplishd much in my life. My grades are terrible in school. Yet i feel like the most successful person in the school. Every other area of my life has achieved greatly in one way or another. So because my grades arent good, does that mean i am not succesful?

No, i beg to differ.

The greatest thing that has happened to me, was that God has been with me all these while.
THough my studies have lacked, God has blessed me gretly in my life, and i feel very blessed. The road i have walked has been tough. But yet i say i am blessed because God has been good. God has been amazingly good.

And i feel successful.

Why does this society only see grades?
Why cfant they look beyond that?
Success is not from grades alone.
It comes from deep inside the person as a whole.

My grades are terible.
Yet i feel successful.

I have a God who is amazing.
I have a great family.
I have great friends.
I have an amazing track career most people can only dream of.
I have a rather super human strength for a singaporean athlete.
At the same time, i have a voice that sings into your soul.
I am a leader.
I am passioante about the things i do.

So why look only at my grades?

Even so.
I dont care.
Because i feel successful.
Very succesful. (:

And all these successes are not without their credits.
THe biggest one to God.
Because it was HE that made all these come to pass.

Thank you Lord, for my successful life.
I feel content with what i have achieved.
I feel very blessed.
THank you Lord.

I praise you for your goodness in my life.

You have been good, oh Lord.
You have been good. (:

Only God is God.

2009-11-16T20:39:00.002+08:00

Well.
The past weekend has been an amazing one with God.

Well, over the past weekend, ive been busy being involved with Ignyte's Got Talent. (:
It was an amazing event.
Well okay. I sang at it.
But that wasnt what made it awesome.

I sang my rendition of I Could Only Imagine by mercy me.
And im very encouraged by the comments people have made regarding my performance.
Honestly, i dont care if i win or lose, because my main purpose was to serve God, and to minister to the people with this song. And to hear many people feedback to me that they were encouraged by my testimony and they were blessed by that song, its enough for me. I feel like a winner already. And i thank God. (: Haha.

WEll, Just wanna share what my sis's friend told her on msn anyway. (:
I was really encouraged. HAha.

Sis Friend: Ur Sis Rocks
Luv Her
Sis : Dont Continue
She's Beside Me
Sis Friend: -_-
Sis: She asked what else
Sis Friend: I Liked the Dynamics ^^
The other girl didnt have any. And she was straining.
Hmmmm.
The Testimony was realli nice
In not really a church person (As you know)
But damn i almost cried when she sang
The vocal range that the song required wasnt very wide but she sang it
very very nicely
She had the emotion behind it and it sounds very nice
Waaaaaaaah! Ur sis is gud
^^
Ok Finished

Haha. When i read this, i was really encouraged. I was glad that God could use my voice and this song to touch the hearts of people. And iw as content. It was a great encouragement as a girl who isnt that close to God could feel God's presence touch her during that song. Haha. No wonder P.Andy called it an annointed song. It was really an annointed song.

Ive always believed i carried that annointing. And im glad i never let it go, and guarded it with my heart. I guess thats where the feeling and emotions come from. From the annointing that God has placed upon my heart. Because whenever i sing a song that is dedicated to God, for some reason, that song would come alive on its own, and it would hit people like a big wave. Well, all i can say is, i guess thats the manifastation of the annointing God has placed upon me yea? (: Haha,. How awesome.

Anyway.
I guess my performance went well.
And im really really really glad that people could feel that song.
To me, thats enough.
And im really glad to have served in this event.
Because i was given many opportunities (painful and not) to grow.
And i definately have grown.
So yay! (:

Well, God really met me this weekend.
P.Andy's message was rather powerful, i'd say. HAha. Esp his last story about richard and michelle. Man. It sure pulled my heart strings. Haha. (:

But one thing that God really spoke to me about was through the drama and dance special item. God spoke to me everytime i saw the entire production. It was powerful.

WEll to begin with, it was a powerful annointed song. Haha. Really. It was.
Let me show you.
And let God speak to you through this song.

The title of this song is God is God.
It is by Steven Curtis Chapman.

And it really spoke to me. Coupled with the drama's presentation.
It was really timely for me, esp with all that ive been through these few months. (:

The drama started with the song.
And at the beginning, everyone was like nothing.
And then Kenneth walked in as 'God' as gave them all life.
Then he showed them the charcoal and showed them that they were to use it to draw the portion of the picture they were given to draw.
then he sent them off to draw their picture.

The Lord spoke to me that he has given each of us talents. And with our talents we are to use to to serve his Kingdom, to 'paint the part of our picture' he has destined for us to do. And by faith, we need to draw according to the outline he's given, acording to the impressions he's placed upon our hearts to do.

As the thing went on, several people wanted to give up on the drawing as they found it too hard, or they didnt understand what they were drawing. But their fellow people and even God himself went to encourage them to keep drawing their picture.

This spoke to me about how at times i just want to give up on God. And give up on the things he has destined for me to do. Just like in my very life, how i wanted to give up on God, on evangelising, on doing the things that God had placed on my heart to do. And at those times, how God will send people to encourage me not to give up, and even at times, how he himself had encouraged me, and brought me back to drawing that picture he had placed within me to draw.

After that, there was this portion that God would take the picture drawn by Hanyii and replace it with the one by another girl. Although this was actually because Hanyii couldnt draw a symetrical eye with the other girl, i think it was amazing how God made it out to be. Because that very part spoke to me. The moment God took the picture Hanyii painstakingly drew and gave it to someone else to complete, it struuck me real hard.

So many times in my life have i felt like ive put in so much in something, only to have it be taken away from me and given to someone else. And have something else i dont want put into my hand to do. Just like the whole If I Aint Got You Situation. But it was because God had greater plans. He wanted Hanyii to start on the picture, and let it be finished off by another person who could do it more skillfully than she did. And give her something she could do better in return.

This really struck me deep deep. God reminded me that everytime he takes something out of my hands, no matter how precious, it was because he had better things in store, and he knew my capabilities and wanted to make me shine with them instead of striving to do the things i cannot. So decides to switch the roles over. Haha. Just like he did during A bright New World. (: And i blossomed so much more as Nonya Boon. (:

At the end, the people are done with their part of the picture, and are very unsure of what it is. Because it means nothing to them. But then God gathers them, and they follow God, and with his guidance, they put their pieces of art tgt, and form a beautiful picture - The face of Jesus.

It spoke to me greatly, esp with the chorus of the song playing behind it. Combined tgt it hit me real hard. It reminded me that I can only see a part of what God is really doing. And i will not understand what its about. But upon continual trust in God, in time, he will put the pieces together and i will see the big picture and finally understand what his intention was. It was a great reminder that in all things, God is still God. And i am but Man. But Only God is God. And i must trust in him. Because he sees the picture that i do not see.

Its just like what my dad has been speaking to me about. The convergence points in my life. Where all the events that took plce will come together, and i will understand what God is trying to do.

God is truely an amazing God.
And i thank God for all that ive been through.
Cos its opened my eyes to the things he has been doing.
And has strengthened my faith in him like never before.
Thank you Lrd for this great weekend with you.

Only God is God.

God is God and I am Not
I can only see a part
Of the Picture he's painting
God is God and I am Man
So I'll never understand it all
For only God is God

2009-11-14T01:34:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Today was an interesting day.

I woke up late and was late for training. Haha.
But training was quite horrid.
My body was really tight from wed's training.
So my training was awful today. :/

So after training, i went to church for the rehearsal for Ignyte's got talent.
And i became the vocal coach of the day.
HAHA!
It was really interesting for me.
I guess most of the things i did came to me rather naturally because it's become a part of me as a performer. A rather experienced one in a sense. Haha.

I started out helping Krystle with her song - If I Aint Got You.
I even let her have my minus one track. haha. :)
I guess i really got over the whole giving song episode.
Well, i kinda came to terms with it.
Each artist has his or her interpretation of the song.
So the song is still mine.
Well. at least the way i did it.

I didnt teach her what i did.
I just helped her according to her style.
I didnt want to give her my ideas.
I wanted her to make her own song. (:
And i really thank God that when i helped her, i helped her geninely, with no hint of envy or anger. But rather with a true heart that wanted to help. (: Haha. YAY! I think im growing. (: So Thank God for that. Haha.

After helping her out, and she sounds really good btw. :P
I helped Dan Yau out with his song.
Lots of pronounciation and voice projection and using the within to sing. (:
Well it paid off cos he sounded ALOT better than when he started.
Hopefully he'll keep it that way. HAha. (:

So anyway.
After them, P.Andy wanted to hear mine. I think he had his doubts and because of the lack of time, he had half the mind to scrap my singing. I honeslty wouldnt have any issues with him taking my portion out cos im here to serve and i already have served in many ways, esp with the position of a youth in such a special event. So to me, i felt like ive already done my part. Besides, i have performed so much outside already, i guess it'll be fine to give others the opportunity this time. (: Haha.

But he asked me to try out the song anyway.
And i did.
The guitar wasnt awesome cos the strings were so slippery.
And to suddenly hear my voice in that area... Haha. Not so used to it already.
So it wasnt SOOO awsome, but the spirit and emotions went through. (:
So thats okay..

Well, after i performed for him, he knew at once he wanted me to sing on both days.
He said this "After watching that performance, i feel you carry a certain annointing in your singing"
ANd i instantly said "I know"
HAHA!

yes, it is suuuper bhb.
But it wasnt becuse i fel proud he said that.
But it was truely from a place of belief and conviction and calling i have received and felt from God for so many years in my life. I have always believed and felt that God had placed a certain annointing upon me and my voice. So im not ashamed of that.

Well, one example would be when i worship lead in FMSS.
After that session, Benedict came up to me and said "Annointed."

So i actually know that i carry that annointing.
And being in WM also cultivated that sensitiveness to that annointing as well.
Which is perhaps why i felt frustrated after awhile getting nowhere in WM.
Its becasue i knew i had something to give.
And not being able to give it to its fullness frustrated me.

Which is also why i find joy in singing outside.
Cos i get the freedom to express myself and reach out and touch the hearts of people with my voice. And that is a great gift i treasure that the almighty has given to me. and i am truely grateful for it. (:

Well, P.Andy told me i will be a 'contestant' this weekend at Ignyte's Got Talent.
Honestly, i was trying NOT to become a contestant cos im afraid it might pull out the competitive side of me that would PERFORM instead of MINISTER.

But right now, with all my heart, i want to pray and set my heart right. Because i know this is a long-awaited opportunity from God to me to serve and minister with my voice. I am truely seeking to minister instead of just singing. I want to spread the love of God with the song im singing. I want to let people experience the intimacy i enjoy through the song i sing. I want God to use this song to touch the hearts of people.

Father,
I pray that you will use me greatly this weekend to touch the hearts of people. Lord, i thank you for the opportunity to serve you in this area. To lift my life as a living sacrifice, just as Romans 12 says. Lord i truely want to serve and worship you. May the song i sing bring music to your ears, and may you use it to reach out to the congregation. Lord i know out of the spirit there will be an outpour andan outflow of annointing this weekend. And i believe you will use this opportunity like never before.
Lord. Use me.

I thank you Lord.

In Jesus name i pray,
Amen.

James 3:4

2009-11-12T20:53:00.003+08:00

Okay. Maybe im blogging so much nowadays to make up for the lack of in the year. Hahahaha. (:

Anyway. doing my Tawg now.
And this hit me differently than it could, or usually would.

Well, I decided i should do my tawg now since im planning to watch my lovely movies when i get home later. And by the time they end, it would be so late and i would be so tired i wouldnt be able to spend such quality time with God.

So i went to my online bible and went to 2 Timothy, where i stopped the last time.
And i said to God,
God, what should i read today? What do you want to speak to me about?
And i felt in my heart - James 3:4

Okay.
So i turned to james 3.
It was about the Tongue and how powerful it can be, small as it may be.
So my first thought was: This has no relvance to the emotions i feel right now?

But i read on anyway.

And when i read vs 4,
it just had a different meaning for me.

James 3:4
4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.

Ships are LARGE.
but they are controlled by SMALL rudders.

I felt the Lord pres on my heart my current situation.
And this was what he impressed upon my heart:

My Life may be facing many strong winds right now.
They may be tossing me left to right violently.
But ultimately, its that small will within that can control how i react, how i feel towards the wind. It will control what my reaction to the wind will be.
It will control my direction i take in spite of the strong wind.

So in this situation, i have a say on what i should do.
Should i crumble under the pressure, or should i look to other things that still holds great hope and purpose for me? Do i dwell on the things that hurt me, or do i learn to let go and let God?

The christian faith isnt one for the faint hearted. This much i know.
But despite the pain, i will press on.
For my God is greater than all.
that i know for sure.

The next verse that hit me were 14 and 16:
14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.
16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

I find the words in these two verse make alot of sense to me.
So many times in my life have i been so selfish and envious of things.
And these things should not be boasted about, nor should they be denied.

Isnt that wisdom?
I always feel like making them known cos i want people to understand me and understand how i really feel. But perhaps that isnt the best option cos it may bring more harm than peace. But yet upon confrontation, they should not be denied. Because if they are confronted upfront, change will come. But if not confronted, they should be kept to yourself. Less you been seen as a selfish person with a small heart.

Aye. Now i know.
And i regret what i did.
That caused me to lose one of my best friends ever.
I really do regret.
And i wish i could do something to save the friendship.
But what can i do?
Aye. :/
Now i know.
Haha.

Lord,
I pray that you will come and bring a change in my heart and in my life.
I dont wanna keep living a life of secret vice, jealousy and pride. It will break me apart, and break the things i care about. God, you have been breaking me on the inside. Break me. Take my pride. And make me whole again. I know you have intended me for more than what i see before my eyes. Help me to trust you. Help me to trust myself. For i know that you have plans to prosper me. But all these have to take place first. I can see myself grow already. But Lord, help me not forget all that ive learnt this season. And as i step into the new season, Lord i know it will be a season of great harvest and plentiful grace. So Lord i thank you.
In Jesus name,
Amen.

SAAA is a bunch of liars.

2009-11-12T20:09:00.001+08:00

Bunch of liars.
WTH.

The YOG stuff are out for atheletes. And guess what? THey're capping it to 16 and 17 year olds.

And the official age limit is from 14 to 18 years old.
So that just makes them a bunch of liars aint it?
HOW STUPID OMG!

Why cap and limit your choices? Whats the rationale behind it?
I really dont understand.
They have a wide variety of athletes aged 18, which is actually legal for the games, and they dont wanna let these 18 year olds that are so much better compete.

Saaa is dumb.
Bunch of liars.

this is the reason why Spore wont go far in sports.
Cos when the whole world sends 18 year olds, spore sends 16 and 17. lol.
Big joke.
Great wonder why we're so bad at sports.

2009-11-12T17:24:00.002+08:00

HELLO!
HAHA

Ever since PW ended, Life seems a little more aimless to me. Hehe.
Like there isnt anything to really aim for. :/
No work that is urgently due.

Well.
Now im kinda busy thinking about the Sectional Outing Planning Committee cos sis Cheryl made me the Chairperson of it. So i have to be on the ball on this issue. So its the next thing i need to plan and work towards.

But other than that, there isnt really anything else. :/

I feel lazy to start studying for my Rs, but i know i need to start studying if not im just gonna die in Dec or something. And maybe risk my chances of becoming an OGl. :/ So gotta work gotta work gotta work!! AHHH!!!

Training has been increasingly tough for me.
Coach has been paying ALOT more attention on me and my training, and he has been pushing me ALOT more than the rest.

Well, i guess thats a good sign.
He reminded me that we only have 3 months to work towards and improvement. Because Nats is like early April next year? So i really dont have time to improve! AHH! so if i really do wanna do well next year, i gotta really work these few months and not give up no matter how tough it is.

Haha. I told ya Hannah's gonna be BACK IN ACTION!

And she is. ;)
I finally got my fiery determination back.
Well, not to its fullest, but alot more than the period after exams. Haha.
So yea. Im getting back on track and thats a good thing! (:

I recently heeded THong En's advice on going to the library and borrowing a book on throwing. I managed to pick up this book called the Complete Book For throwers, which is really aesome! I am totally learning alot from the book, and trusting more in my coach cos what it says in there corresponds to most of what my coach is making me do.

Also, my body is reacting well to the training. And after talking to him the other day, i regained my trust in his training methods. He told me that as a thrower, i cannot and should not run too much. Because as throwers, we have big and heavy upper bodies, but weaker legs. So we cannot overuse them lest we injure them and cause more trouble for ourselves. he told me we were gonna start more specific trainings to get certain muscles really moving and we were gonna do more right legs, more short sprints, and more explosives stuff. He told me i wasnt strong enough. So we'll hve to work more on that. He told me that he might change my weight plans to more specific ones cos that might be more importnat for me. He told me that he wanted to correct my flip, cos its a little laggy and im still throwing whereas throws should be a flip and a snap action.

I think im totally talking greek to most of you, but i do understand and trust in him alot more now. Aye.

Now Who's that idiot who said throwing was easy?
LOL. (:

Ahhhh. Next week there's still lectures. T_T
And other schools ended school already. lol.
Life is so fun, aint it. haha.
Who ask me to choose VJ.

Well, i still have no regrets. (:

Oh yes.
OGL Interview next week! :D
teamed up with Erica and i think we're gonna be TOTALLY AWESOME! ^_^
Ah well.
Cant wait! ^_^

Remininse

2009-11-12T16:54:00.002+08:00

You know,
ever since the whole If I Aint Got you episode with P Andy, Ive been listening to my musicfest song over and over again on Facebook. ANd each time i listen to it, i feel a sense of warmness just seep into my heart.

The memory of standing there on stage.
The adrenalin rush that made my entire body shingle in excitement as i sought to hit every note to perfection, as i sought to bring the aemotions through.

No wonder i won.
It really was an amazing performance.
Even as i sit here at Hans with my Dad's laptop and just listen to that performance, and type this blog out, the emotions and soul in that song that day is just...
Overwhelming.
wow.

No wonder the people felt it.
I honestly, honestly, never knew that that performance was THAT good.

I still remember how it felt to have the audience cheer when i hit the big parts of the song. As my vocals rumbled through the performance theatre.
And how amazingly loud the audience cheered when the song ended.
That feeling.
That moment.
Was probably one of the best in my life.

Up till now the massiveness of applause cant be remembered because it was so loud, so massive, it was unimaginable and crazy. It was like a dream come true. MAN! Wow.

When i was listeninng to it, i forgot it was me.
In fact everytime i listen to it, i cant believe it was me on that stage, singing that way that i did. I never believed i was THAT good.
And until now, i sitll dont believe it.

But i guess thats a good thing. (:
So i can keep trying new stuff and keep trying to improve myself. (:

But for now.
I take pride in my Alicia Keys song.
That was one of the best moments in my life.
And that song, is and will always be my signature song. (:

If i aint got you.

Heartbroken

2009-11-10T22:53:00.000+08:00

I feel like i just pulled my heart out of my body.
I feel so heartbroken.
Like the inside of me is just really down and out and my heart hurts so badly. So badly.

Today, i went to school to do PW. The last of it.
We had to pack the PW file, and hand up I&R.
Then that was that, and PW ended for good.

Im happy for that.
I really am.
But i cant express it cos of the great hurt im experiencing right now.

So after PW, i went out with nicole, yijie, hwee yin, sien, hafeeza and tracy.
We went to subway, then spent alot of time trying to find somehwere to go. Haha. I did enjoy the company, and im really glad im getting closer to my class girls. (: They are an interesting bunch.

So they decided to go nicole's house. though we wanted to randomly crash Hung at Victoria Hall, but we decided not to. Haha. So they went to nicole's place and since i was supposed to meet P.Andy, i went to church, rather early, actually. Haha.

So i sat at Hans for about an hour, reading my Complete Book for Throwers, which was rather insightful cos i really understood alot more about throwing from it. So that was awesome and fruitful.

Then i met P.Andy.

Apparantly, the rehearsal for the contestants was cancelled cos he wanted to concentrate on the drama performance, and he forgot to tell me. So i stayed there to help them with some stuff like the planning of the programme and all.

And thats when the bombshell was dropped.

Okay, so the sob story actually began last thursday, when p.andy asked me to meet him for an 'audition' since there wasnt enough people that signed up. So i went, and his intention was more of me to sing and serve with my singing than to try and get into the contest. So okay. I went, and i sang If I aint got you, and I could only imagine. Unfortunately, the minus one i played was the one that was too high. So it didnt sound as good. :/

Okay. So taht was last week.

Over the weekend, P Andy told me to do I Could Onlyy Imagine.

And today, he dropped a bombshell on me.

Krystle had signed up for Ignyte's Got Talent.
But P.Andy couldnt find a good song that suited her voice.

And as he looked at me while saying that, it hit him. He wanted to use If I aint got you for her. He wanted to use My Song for her.

I was in shock.
My heart just broke.

It was my song.
The song that debuted my singing career in VJ.
The song that everyone remembered me for.
The song that when i sang it, ppl thoght it was the actual track.
My signature song.

And because of my demonstration last week, he now wanted to use it for someone else.

Can you even imagine me hurt?
My pain?
Its like someone just stole what you held so dear and so precious to your heart.
To have it taken away from you when you took it out for display.
It just sucks.
It really really really sucks.

I feel like my heart was ripped out of my body and placed on a hot grill under the beautiful night sky.

I was just so hurt.

So P.Andy called her and put her on loudspeaker and told her to try the song.
I couldnt take it.
I refused to talk to her or even look at P.Andy as he talked to her.
My heart just broke.
It shattered into a million pieces.
I tried so hard not to cry.

P.Andy told me that if i cant handle it, i should tell him, and he wouuld not let her use it. But as the meeting went on, i just felt a conviction in my heart. A reminder from God that i joined this 'contest' to serve him. Not to compete. Not to show off my talent. But to truely stand on stage, and minister to the people with my voice, and the song that God has used to touch the many hearts and lives of people in my school.

So i decided to allow Krystle to use the song, and to settle for I could Only imagine.

So after the meeting ended, i asked P.Andy to stay back cos i wanted to talk to him.

I told him my decision, and the rationale behind it. and he shared some stuff with me.
As he went on in his sharing, my heart just broke. And it wouldnt heal.
I just couldnt take the fact that someone else could take my song, and do it better.
The reason i keep saying it like its being stolen is because i showed him the song. I pulled the song out, and presented it as my own. And then it was taken, and given to someone else. It hurts. It hurts so bad. So bad.

And i cant do anything about it.

Its all in the glory of God.
The sacrifice of something precious so that the glory of God may be shown.
So that a great Ignyte event is possible.
So that she looks good.

Haha. I could totally write an article in F my Life.
but i wont.
And i refuse to think of it that way.
I cannot be selfish.

As a potential future artist, it is a fact that people can take and adapt your songs. And i must deal with it.

Aye. I feel really sore.
Its not a good feeling.

But truely, this is true, my intentions in joining this event was to serve God.
And since he has chosen for things to turn out this way, i must accept it with a cheerful heart. Because i choose to serve God. And be joyful and trust that he will do things that are meant to take me to greater hieghts. Besides, he has never failed me in my life. In the time that the role of sophia balckmore was taken away for me, and i was given the role of nonya boon instead, God meant to prosper me as i did that role splendidly, and even got a song writen just for me for that role.

So in the same way, i must trust in God.
Although my heart hurts from the sacrifice, i must trust in God.
That he will use me and use that song for greater purposes.

Now i understand what it means to fully serve God.
You know, the apostles in the Bible all had to sacrifice one thing or another in their service to God. Most sacrificed their lives and all. And all of them sacrificed something that was precious to them. Just like the boy who gave his 2 loaves and 5 fishes. He gave all that he had- His precious lunch, in return for a greater good. He gave it to Jesus who then broke the bread and fed the thousands. He gave what was precious to him to serve the purpose of God. In return for better.

Just like the woman who gave the last two copper coins she had to the temple of God. Of the little she had, she gave willingly, and Jesus saw it, and she was honoured before all mankind of many generations.

I always tell God, i dont have much to give, just take all of me.
And this time, he really did.
He took whats precious to me, to use it for his glory.
And what returns do i get?
I dont know yet. But im not hoping for much.

Although the small evil side of me secretly hopes that girl cant do the song, but MOST of me genuinely hopes she succeeds. Because i know my intentions of serving God are true. So no matter what the outcome, as long as i serve God, i will be content.

In my trials, i will praise him.

God i praise you.
For i know that in the midst of my pain, you are there.
And you know whats best for me.
So i place my trust in you.
I place my trust in you.
I believe in Jesus.

This i will not waver.

I doubt i can face P.Andy in a while. Haha.
Ah well.

Goodbye PW!!!

2009-11-10T00:27:00.002+08:00

Today was my Oral Presentation!

And thankfully, it went pretty well.
I think i might have screwed up a little bit...
But my friends said it was okay..
So i just gotta pray and believe in God for good results. Haha.

Aye.

Im so glad PW's over.
Although it'll only be officially over tmr, cos thats when we will hand up our I&R and compile all our work togeher, i feel like its already over cos there's nothing left to panic about, there's nothing left to do cos all that needs to be done has been done. (:

Although i hated PW for many reasons, on hindsight, i feel that i have gained much from this experience. I've learned to be more critical, to be more compromising, to be more arranged, to see things from certain views to increase effeciency, presentation skills and lots and lots of teamwork. Truely, PW has achieved its aim of both sucking the life out of people., as well as developing life skills it was made to develop.

The process was tedious, but as much as i hate to admit it, i enjoyed myself while doing PW. (: It was an interesting experience, and honestly, im kinda glad we have to do it. If not i doubt i'll ever get to experience such good real life examples and experiences on working skills, and people skills. Oh yes. People skills. You have no idea. HAhahahaha. ;)

Ah well.
Its time to say goodbye to PW.
really glad its over. (:

thoughts.

2009-10-30T00:56:00.000+08:00

Hello!

I bet many people have given up reading my blog.
In fact, i kinda give up writing also. Hahaha.
To thinkabout it, i have been writing blogs for like... 5 years now? Wow. that suddenly seems like a long time. haha.

Well, ive been really busy. And really lazy to blog.
Though i have so many random thoughts of the day i'd love to have penned down, somehow, im just too lazy to. Haha.

PW has been pretty much madness over the entire OP scramble. and i kinda just realised i havent even started on my I&R. Im so dead. Cant wait for the section outing and chinese to be over. That would put about half my mind to ease. I needa start studying for my R papers. Thats horrible. I dont mind th study part though. Im just not too delighted at the thought of not having so much time for myself. Been rather caught up with life lately and i havent been able to reflect about life and have some nice thinking time. I do enjoy that once in awhile. (:

Well, today i met Thomas for ice cream after a nice lunch with Danella at Thaipan. (: Met him at Berrylite but only for a short while. It kinda occured to me how different our intellect levels are. I mean, he was like spewing out so much intellectual knowledge, and i was... silent cos i couldnt exacly match the intellect level.

Not saying that we're sooo different cos we have a rather queer sense of humour.

But it just occured to me how interesting and diverse life is. I mean look at him. He's just a fine example of the people at the end of the spectrum of life where intellect is concerned. And in VJ, he's just one of them.

You know, not saying that Fairfield students are dumb, but i used to be one of Fairfield's top students. And even with the uppermost top student like Matthew and Robert, intellectual conversations with them never got me lost or have nothing to reply. It seemed like we were still on thesame level though they were more intellectual than me.

But here in VJ, talking to the top students scare me. Its like they really are from a different world and im just lost when they start with all the intellect stuff. Its hard to compete or have a friendly debate cos their minds are just so channeled the intellect way i'll just be stumped with no answer in the debate.

being in VJ is scary, yet exciting at the same time.
I have never seen such a diverse in the kind of people until i came here.

There are the smart ones.
There are the sporty ones.
And there are those that are both sporty and smart.
And there are those that are both smart and musical.
And there are those that are both musical and sporty.

And the list just goes on and on and on and on.
Hahahah.

Still, do i wish i was in another school?

Not in a million years.

Sometimes i do wonder what my life would have been like if i had chosen AC or RJ over VJ during nats last year when i had a chance to.

Would I have been happier there?

Same answer: Not in a million years.

It is a fact that ACJC was my dream school for 4 years cos i aspired to go there even before i reached sec 1. I was inspired by the fact that my dad was an AC boy, i had followed Andre from Pri to sec and potentially JC and Uni, and that Fmss was right beside AC. I had wanted so much to be an AC girl. Haha. Who would have known i would have become a victorian instead?

Life thrills me, truely.
And i never fail to wonder at how my life has turned out to be like.
I feel blessed despite the different hard times of trouble and trials ive had.
And like every christian,
But with even more meaning and sincerity than i believe i have ever said this,
God has been good.

I am just in so much gratitude for no reason now.
But then again, the things of God are with no reason, right? (:

2009-10-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

Heres a super quick update.

Life is sooooo sad and empty w/o Chantal or Botin. :(

HUIJUEN QUALIFIED FOR SEA GAMES! ANd made a nice newspaper article!

My Pw mates nearly drove me out of my sanity over PW.

Thats all for now.

Sad goodbyes.

2009-10-16T21:09:00.000+08:00

Now moving on from the previous post.
Its two different subjects altogether.

I hate goodbyes. :(
And recently, i had to say goodbye to 2 of my closest friends in VJ:
Thomas and Chantal.

Last week was Thomas.
Today was Chantal.
Ahhh. Its getting harder to keep my emotions stable. :(
Haha.
See what i mean? T-T
lol

Anyway.

Last week was J2 Farewell assembly. I sang 2 songs for assembly and ya.
But it wasnt till open house later that evening that i said my goodbye to Thomas. :(

Man. I really miss talking to Thomas. He's like real awesome company.
And to say goodbye was really really hard cos we share this really special bond thats hard to find. :/ And sadly since he's J2, he wont be in school next year unless he stays back as a relief teacher. Which im not sure he might since i havent talked to him in like FOREVER. I mean like in sec school, my special friends were my age. :/ And to part it was okay cos we're all going different directions at the same time. But Thomas, i'll be continuing that journey in the place we met-Just that he's no longer there. :( Aye. I'll really miss him but well, we all need to move on with life, right?

And today, Chantal left school.
Chantal left to go poly and honestly, im really happy for her. But I'll raelly really raelly miss her so so so much. :( She was always there for me in my ups and downs in VJ and has made my Vj life sooo much more enjoyable with all the mad stuff we do together to entertain ourselves. She shared my views and thoughts and Ive always enjoyed my conversations with her cos she really understood what i felt. And vice versa. I really thank God that i have met a friend like her who has been really really really special to me. And Im really raelly really sad that she's leaving. Man. If not for Jesselyn, I'll be soooo lonely in class. :( Its the same situation as Thomas. Except that Chantal was a greater part of my everyday school like. She was my pillar of support everyday. And to lose it, well... I'll have to deal with it eyy. :/

And soon, the second of my chantal botin kahkee is leaving for overseas studies too. :(zomg. My entire class clique is leaving. :( Though im not as close to botin as i am to chantal, i really appreciate her cos she brings a crazy different perspective to things and its so fun to just watch her cos of her funny face. haha. I really raelly enjoyed hanging out with her and i appreciate her soooooo much for being there for me at asean. OMG! If she leaves, THAT MEANS I'LL BE ALL BY MYSELF AT ASEAN NEXT YEAR!!! omg.... :( Thomas you'd better be in malaysia while im there. HAHA. :( but yea.

omg i'll raelly miss all of them. Each and everyone of them have played such a big part of my VJ life and have made school so much more special than i ever expected or hoped it to be. And now to know that next year, i'll be left with none of the above, the feeling is terrible. Its horrid. Its eating me on the inside. I just might cry. Again. :( OMG. Im seriously 9lonelygirl2@randomemoemail.com. Hahahahha. Came up by augustin. Stupid boy. lol.

Oh God. :(

But one thing i really thank God for is that he made thigns easier for me.
Like the whole falling apart with chantal and botin made it easier for me to let go of them, though i would have rather been close to them with all my heart. But i guess its alot easier for me to let them go and carry on with life in VJ. But i wish that we had been as close as ever. And i wish i didnt do the things i did. But well, thigns happen for a reason. And i guess we just have to let bygones be bygones and move on with life. At least ive learnt that i shouldnt act in certain ways. And i will correct that in the future. Ahh. me and my complication brain. :/ Haha.

And recently, God has been bringing so many new friends into my life. And i dont mean just hi-bye friends. I mean people that are getting closer to me, deeperin the friendship. And i raelly thank God for them. Perhaps next year will be a year of forging new deeper friendships with them aye. :) God is a good God.

But for now, let me sort out my feelings.
Im still feeling kinda sad. :(
Aye....
9lonelygirl2@randomemoemail.com
Haha.

The promise land.

2009-10-16T20:46:00.000+08:00

Hello!
Now its really been a LONG time since i last posted. Hahaha.
I think i kinda regret it cos i might have missed many important events of my life.
But time has been really on the tight end for me. I dont think ive ever been so busy in my life. Hahaha.

Well.

Im in VJC.

Yes i believe we have established that a long time ago. Haha.
But that statement, my friends, is not one to be underestimated.

My promos ended about a week ago, and this week i got all my results back. Ever since ASEAN ended, i havent been training much, if not at all. And all ive been doing is staying at home and mugging my ass off. Its been really tiring, ardous and hard, but i Thank God i made it through. I managed to sit down and actually try to understand my subjects, and i got a few tuition teachers to help me out with my understanding. lol. A levels makes O level look like chicken feet. Seriously. lol.

But when i got my results back, i was terribly dismayed.
Midyears my grades were:
GP-E
Econs-U
Bio-S
Chem-S
Math-S
Chinese- I think we can leave this out. (: I PASSED OKAY. lol.

And it was kinda terrible. :/

but after studying so hard for promos, i got:
GP-D
Econs-S
Bio-S
Chem-S
Math-E

There was an improvement in my math and and econs and GP, but bio and chem remained status quo. And honestly, i was quite put off by my grades. I was expecting much more because of all the effort i had put into my studies. Seriously. After studying my ass off and nearly bursting a few brain cells, all i got for bio and econs and chem was an S?!?! Gosh. You must be kidding me.

I was really quite emo about my results.
I felt like im finally in the real world and im not at the top at all. Im at the bottom. It made me question my intellectual abilities and what i shoul do in life. I felt soooo horrible about myself cos i felt like such a loser. Come on. I go to lectures, i go to tutorials, i listen in class as much as possible, and i still do wayyyyyyyyyyy worse than ppl who dont. In fact, i do wayy worse than ppl who study alot less than me for the exam. Dear God. Whats wrong with me?

So my question for awhile was, what was i studying for? I mean whats the point. I study so hard and i still fail? So study for what? lol . Gee. Its not easy to pass in JC. Its hard to even get an S! :/ Aye...

But even in my self pity and misery, i really thank god for my parents for continuosly encouraging me. As much as i hated to think and talk about my non-existant results, they really talked some sense into me. Esp my dad.

Yest night, my dad shared with me about the promise land. The story of how God brought the Isrealites to the promise land. but yet the isrealites had failed to enter it because of their lack of faith and trust in him.

The story is that after God had led the Isrealites across the red sea, he brought them through the desert to the promise land and ORDERED moses to send out 12 spies to spy on the land. The spies came back with news about the plentifulness of the promise land. But 10 of them were shaken by the giants that they saw. And only 2 of the spies came back with hope and belief that God could overcome the giants for them.

Because the 10 spies had brought back news and beliefs that they could not conquer the Giants of the land, the Isrealites did not enter the promise land. Only the 2 spies, Joshua and Caleb managed to see the promise land. God was angry with the Isrealites for not believing him. And he asked "Would i bring you so far just to see you fail? Would I the God of all creation bring you all the way to the promise land just so you can fail?"

NO! He is not!
And when my dad asked me that question, i was in shock. I knew God was speaking to me about my situation. Had God brought me all the way to VJ just so i can fail? Did God open and close the doors during nationals last year so i could enter VJ just so i could fail and feel like such a loser?

NO! He did not!

And thats why right now i just need to trust in him. I just need to remember that before the promise land, is the desert. And when i see my giants in the promise land, i need to focus on God, and trust that he will fight my battles and conquer my giants for me. And that i need not be afraid of the obstacles that lay before me.

God is a great God.
This promos is but a small set back in life. And i just need to deal with this failure and move on. Honestly, i think i haave somewhat moved on. Maybe in the comfort of the knowledge that
1. I can promote
2. I might have only 1 or 2 R papers in the end cos the final grade might increase to E! :D
3. I have a good chance of becoming OGL! :D

But other than that, i feel that after what my dad shared with me, the wrong mindset that im a loser has been lifted up by God. Though i may not have been the best student in VJ, and i have decided against becoming a doctor or a bio teacher, well, my options are slightly narrowed. Haha. Im thinking of a non acadamic career after deeming myself to be acadamically illiterate. But what my mum said was right-> Im in the top Jc, im competing with ppl wayyyyyyyy above my standard.

So i really dont quite know what to think right now, but im just gonna work hard in all i do, develope my EQ side and really work hard to do my best. And trust that God will prosper me in the end. As he always does. (:

My Dream.

2009-08-26T21:46:00.000+08:00

This is my dream.

Please come back in 2 years time.

2009-08-23T00:17:00.000+08:00

HELLO.
HAHA.

Ive been WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY to busy and caught up with life to remember to blog. Seriously. I need to take time off to blog. So much hsa been happening i barely have time to breathe! HAHA!

Well.
Just a brief run-through of the past 2 weeks.
Ever since breaking point.

SOE. :P

-Nearly gave up on everything and myself.
-Met P.Andy and he encouraged me greatly.
-He asked me to me to move to Sunday.
-Next day i told the LCell of my move
-The Day After P.Andy told my cell.
-The next week, Hello Sunday cell.
-Felt and thought many things.
-Walked on the path that led me closer to God.
-Cut my Hair SHORT
-Got my Iphone
-Seriously considering joining Tchouk Ball
-Best Friend seriously considering leaving VJ
-Hanging out with Awesome people.
-Feeling the tug in my spirit for Ignyte

Thats it basically in a nutshel. (:
Will update more.
Helps me clear my thoughts too. haha. (:

2009-08-02T01:36:00.000+08:00

Breaking Point

My whole world is falling apart.

I dont know how i can last much longer.

Yesterday.

2009-07-26T22:27:00.001+08:00

Yesterday.

Yesterday was what i wuld consider one of the best competitions in my life.
It was awesome.

Firstly,
I got 2nd position in the 1st Asean School Games. (:
The dsitanc was 11.17m T_T Not the best, but im not complaining cos im really really glad i got 2nd, esp after all the obstavcles i've faced before this. Haha. Getting 4th last year wasnt a good feeling, and losing the silver medal was just dumb. So im jut really realluy glad i got a medal, and the horsey that came with it. ;) Thank the Lord. Haha.

I'll fill you in another day.

BUt for now,
The competition was awesome.
And i finally received my well deserved silver medal. ;)
THANK GOD. :D

Tomorrow

2009-07-24T20:36:00.000+08:00

pffft.
I wrote a long one on this but it got deleted. T_T
Darn the computers here in Thailand. AHHHHH.

Anyway. Just saying that im really anticipating tmr's competition to be one of the best since everyone there's around my standard. AM hoping for a medal. Am hoping for 12m. Am hoping to feel good.

And no matter what happens, all Glory goes to God cos truely, it will be he that makes things happen.

Like the word of God says.
Many are the plans ina man's heart.
BUt its the Lord's plans taht surpass all...
AHHH.
Cant wait. (:

2009-07-06T01:12:00.000+08:00

(Rolf)You wait little girl
On an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on

Your life little girlis an empty page
that men will want to write on

(Leisl)To write on

(Rolf)You are 16 going on 17
Baby its time to think
Better beware
Be canny and careful
Baby you're on the brink

You are 16 going on 17
Fellows will fall in line
Eager young lads
And grueways and cads
Will offer you fruit and wine

Totally unprepared are you
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared are you
Of things beyond your ken

You need someoneOlder and wiser
Telling you what to do
I am 17 going on 18
I'll take care of you

(Leisl)I am 16 going on 17
I know that i'm naive
Fellows I meet may tell me I'm sweet
And willingly I believe

I am 16 going on 17
innocent as a rose
Bachelor dandies
Drinkers of brandies
What do I know of those

Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken
I need someoneOlder and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are 17 going on 18
I'll depend on you

Today is the last day i can ever sing this song with the true meaning.
Its my last 16. My sweet 16.
My awesome sweet 16.

I am 16 going on 17.
(:

2009-07-06T00:53:00.000+08:00

I saw someone on facebook do this thing. So i thought it'de be cool if i did it as well. So i clicked on it and silently said to God "God, i want a word from it. and i believe the word is not going to be by coincidence or luck but by purpose." And here's what i got.

On this day of your life, Hannah, we believe God wants you to know... ...
that God has an important purpose for you, and made everything possible for you to succeed.
That's not to say it's an easy purpose, or a convenient one. It might very well seem hard or even impossible, but it only looks that way. The truth is that one day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete and utter success.

And you know what? I believe it too. It really is the word that God wants to speak into my life. I have been struggling with my purpose in life, my purpose in God, and in who i am in God as well. Never in my christian walk have i been set back so much before, and never have i been so challanged in my faith.

In the not too long ago past, if there was a gun pointed in my face to disown jesus, i wouldnt have run away. But honestly, right now, im not too sure.

I still love Jesus but im just a little unsure of where my life is turning to. What im doing, what i shouldbe doing. Its all a blur and im still trying to decipher.

Should i continue track?
Should i remain in worship min?
Is it and was it ever destined for me to be a worship leader?
Was i ever made to be a somebody?

Recently, ive been feeling rather small in many ways.
In fact, i feel forgotten.
I dont know. Many things have happened and i guess many people have walked out of my life together with the changes that came. And im not emoing, but just sharing what i feel.

I feel fine with it actually.
Almost numb.
I thank God that at least i have found my place somewhere in Vj, the school he has intended for me Despite the many unfortunate events of the late, i sstill feel somehow that VJ was still the school intended for me. Like i said to myself in the beginning of the year, i smell destiny when i stepped into VJ.

But i still feel lonely in the places i shouldnt be.
Sometimes when you place expectations on people, they fail.
I've placed several expectations on people that i believed who would have cared but they ended up forgetting and placing me at a raher unimportant position of their lives.

But you know what?
I dont wish to be affected by this anylonger.
People fail.
People will always fal because they are people.
I fail too.

And i just have to accept that.

But God.
God never fails.
God will never fail and i just have to keep believing.
Its hard to believe in the things you cannot see.
But then again, thats what faith is about right?
Faith is believeing in what you cannot see.

I cant see the future, but i am believing for great things to come.
My purpose in God.
My future.
I ahve to leave it in his hands because if i leave it in my own or the world's hands, it will only come to ruin.

Faith.
Is believing in the things you cannot see.
And by beliving in what you cant see, the reward will be even greater.

I still dont know what my future holds.
Im still confuesd.
But i choose to trust in the one who holds my world in his hands.
My maker.
My friend.
My Jesus. (:

Term 3 Day 1

2009-06-30T00:34:00.000+08:00

CAN YOU BELIVE IT??!
Its TERM 3 ALREADY!
I feel as if school just started.
Okay it did just start, but i mean just started as in, i just came into VJ. :(
TIme flies!

Well, i'll update another day bout the rest of my hols.
But for now, H1N1 didnt affect school days, but it affected CCA.
Infact we're not supposed to train for the next one week.
Die man.
I need to train if not,. i can say bye bye to asean medal.
Bah....

Ah well.
Today was quite a fun day i belive. (:
Seeing all my friends and making new ones. Haha. Catching up a little with different ones.. (: It was a relatively ejoyable day.

Aye. LAzy to blog anymore.
OH exams was postponed by one week.
THANK GOD.
I have more time to study.

Aye.
Madness.

Gaga, truely

2009-06-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

This is Lady Gaga live acoustic version of pokerface.

Truely Gaga.

I like. ;) Hahahaha.

Its quite interesting. :P

Her name suits her.:P

2009-06-13T10:16:00.000+08:00

Thirsty for life
broken and Dry
I know your love is an endless suply

Hungry for change
Yearning for your grace
I know your love restores me again

So Jesus
Transform me from the inside out
Consume me
With a vision for new things to come
Lord use me
Through your holy spirit in my life
Lord hear my cry
This is my cry to live for you

I give my past
to your soverign hands
Knowing all works in line to your plan
So give me strength
For days ahead
To face my mountains and trails in faith

Goodbye World Youth

2009-06-11T20:00:00.000+08:00

I really really really held my hopes up for getting into worl youth.
but i think right now, i can kiss my world youth goodbye.

12.5m
Its totally within my reach.
Its just my technique that stands in my way.
*sigh...*
When will i ever be great?
When will i ever be the best i can be?

i missed my chance to try and qualify by missing my Sea games event.
To make things worse, 5th all comers doesnt have shotputt to give me a chance to qualify.
Coach wants me to go for malacca open for exposure etc.
But im signing up through some johor club.
And i suspect, its not gonna be official.

Oh God.
When will i ever get to represent singapore at a greater scale?
I really really really wanted to go Italy. :(

Its gonna take a miracle to get me to World Youth this year.
a BIG one.

Sea Juniors over. :(

2009-06-09T22:52:00.000+08:00

Ah well.

I didnt get to blog yesterday so im doing it today.

Sea Games Junior is over. :(
It was the worst competition but it had the best bunch of athletes yet! :D
I really really enjoyed spending time with every single one of the athletes there and seriously, i have something awesome to say about each and everyone of them cos they were all really awesome! :D

Well. The 2nd last day, 7th june was a second day of competitions. Thankfully, i wasnt affected much by the stadium nor by the shot putt prize presentation though i did try to voice over the announcer whenever she said announced the 2nd shot putter. I went "SHOULD BE hannah lee from Singapore" T-T Lame much, but it was true. Sigh.

In the morn, i went out to Parksons with mariam and aunty margaret to go shopping. the 4x100 guys and jannah didnt go with us this time as they had events in the afternoon. we walked to parksons and lo and beho, met a bunch of the guys from the other hotel on the way! they went to buy cake for dipna as it was her birthday. (: The whole bunch of them- Tim, Guo Pei, Dickson, Zaki and wayne. Then out of the blue, Guo pei passed me a small cake. I was really surprised when they said it was for me! My heart melted. :) They were so sweet! They bought me that small cake to cheer me up and told me not to be so sad about missing my event. really sweet and thoughtful of them. ^-^ Coming from guys, helloooo. So nice right! so unexpected. But im really touched. (:

So we went to parksons.
Aunty Margaret bought some adidas shorts that she says cant be found in s'pore, and mariam went to try some clothes. and guess what. I CHOSE THEM FOR HER! :D hehehehhe. The clothes there were reall really nice, for her. (: She totally should have bought this white dress i chose for her. It looked so awesome on her! except that it was 1million dong. Which is over a hundred sing. She didnt want to pay that much. haha. What a waste.

After shopping, we went to the top level of parksons to eat KFC. (: Aunty margaret treated us to KFC. Hee. It was nice having some fried fastfood for a change. (: Over there, some vietnamese waiter came to talk to me. :S lol. He asked for my name and i was kinda stunned. Lol. Then he asked where i came from and said that singapore is a very beautiful country. lol. Well, after that we had to leave. So... Lol. Wierd, much?

After that, it was about 11, 12. so we went back to our hotel.
Ate some fruits and waited for the guys so we could leave for the bus together.

Reyor was not feeling well and it didnt look good. He had a sore throat and a was running a fever. so autny margaret went to take some medication for him to take. And he wore a mask. Haha. I guess it was nessecary but it was hilaroous, definately. hahaha.

All of us hung out at the lobby of bat dat while waiting for the bus. Took pictures and chit chatted and all.

Soon, we went to the stadium. Well, im glad i was over the whole thing because the sight of the stadium, the podium and the pit didnt affect me anymore. (: I decided to dedicate myself to becoming the errand and camara and cheer girl. Too bad my cam ran out of batt if not i would have taken alot more pictures. But ah well. I went to get water, ran to get tags for ppl, take videos, cheer.. Aye nothing much la. haha.

The races were okay. watching jumps was interesting cos ive never really wathced them before. haha. (: I cheered the loudest man. Wayne's jump was wasted cos i think he could have cleared 2.08m. Sighhh... And the 4x100m men, that race was so wasted. We were like 2nd, then.... Ah well. It wasnt anyone's fault la. no one wanted yihao's injury to act up again. It wasnt his fault nor was it jason's fault for not catching the baton properly. It was a pity, but it wasnt anyone's fault. Just like my event. (: Its not anyone's entire fault. haha. but it was a pity.

The 4x400m men race, WOAH that was AWESOME! Freaking awesome! Omg. Im so proud of them! Well, we did win because the vietnam teams dropped their batons, but well, this is a competition, anything can happen. (: Haha. We were close to losing man. But we still won 2nd. (: how awesome is that! you should watch the video if you can. (: Haha. Awesome possum.

I really felt for the 4x1 guys. They were so sad. and i shared their pain. I understood how they felt cos i felt somewhat the same way the day before. But i told them it wasnt their fault la. haha. Ah well. Thankfully, they got over it soon enough. (: Chheppp!

So we went back to the hotel.

I took a bath and took a nap while waiting for aunty magaret. Heh. Infact, i took a nap too long. :P Woke up at 7.30 and rushed to the dinner. Haha. Thankfully it was at my hotel and the party hadnt started. Hehe. everyone else was there when i arrived. Ah well. (:

So i went to the table, sat down and all.
Soon the party started. Speeches, food and performances by little kids. (:
The place started getting wild as the vietnamese, indonesians and thais started making noise and dancing around the function room. I felt a little wierd, as did all the other singaporeans. Like we wanted to join the party, but we didnt dare to. Well. Its just the singapiorean culture la. Hello. We dont dance out of nowhere. But these ppl do. Like they have festives and they dances loads during those festives. But in singapore, we dont have festives like theirs. So we're not used to it la. haha.

So i ate rather happily and peacefully and the food was really good!
The president of some organisationg of vietnam was making a speech. and no one was listening. Suddenly, we heard a loud "Happy birthday to you". the indonesians and malaysians were singing loudly as guopei and timothy walked in towards my table with dipna's cake- all while the speech was going on. Obviously, we received rude stares and fingers pointing at the singapore team. It wasnt a very nice feeling. But it wasnt their fault.

Apparantly, they were waiting at the back for the speech to end. Then the manager stupidly asked them to go forward, and as they moved towards our table, the other peeps started singing. But it was really rude la. Sigh.. Ah well. Dipna felt so bad about it that she cried. haha. How cute. :P

So after that, countries went onto the stage to make impromtu performances. And as the countries went up one by one, as the performances continued, more ppl crashed the stage to dance, and suddenly, spontaneously, the stage was turned into a dancefloor. Im ntot kidding! liek a disco/club kinda thing. haha!

The music kept going and ppl kept going up to dance and all. It was interesting to watch.

The singapore team felt kinda wierd not doing anything, so we tried coming up with something. Well, actually, they tried to get me to do something. T-T But at that moment i was nowhere near my artistic side. So i couldnt come up with anything. ah well.
We all came to a silent mutual agreement that we should just forget about it cos the discussion died down. haha.

So as the dancing continued, i looked at my thai competitor who was sitting at the table across and pointed to the stage, asking her to go up. Then she replied by pointing to the stage asking me to go up. After a few rounds, she walked right up to me, took my hand and brought me onstage. HAHA!

MAN! I was soooooooooo embarrased! The whole singapore team cheered as i walked onto stage. But guess what. The moment i stepped onto the stage, my feet and body took over. Man! It was exciting! The music blasting in your eyes, the groove in the music taking over, woah. The feeling was amazing. I started jumping with the crowd, dancing with whateever i could, i didnt care. My hair was let down, my spirit was free.

I danced, i jumped, i screamed. It was ecstacy! It was crazy! I danced with ppl id idnt know, i made friends from other countries on stage. It was SO FUN! My goodness! What have i been missing out on? lol!

Soon, more singpapore peeps joined the stage and danced. haha. I just forgot about my yet-to-finish dinner and just danced my heart out on the stage. It was soooooooooo fun! :D Really enjoyed myself.

Well unfortunately, we were stopped rudely as it was late and we all needed to go back. After that it was a looooong session of phototaking and all. HAha. super funn. (:

So we went back to our rooms. Then my hotel peeps went to bat dat to tim, guopei chinhwee and zaki's room to hang out. We played some cards (murderer and indian polker), followed by a sharing session. That was interesting. (:

There were so many fun and interesting moments that happened in that room that night. Aye. I wish it could have gone on forever. :( But by 1am. we had to leave for our hotel cos we lived in a different hotel. :( Too bad. I loved the flower and door moment. Haha.

Ok i need to remmeber this one. :P

Well, the door of the room had some problem.
Suddenly at one moment, the door was kicked open. Being rather close to the door, i saw that the opposite door suddenly closed as our door swung open. So obviously, it was the guys living opposite us that kicked our door. the s'pore guys were quite pissed off and they went out the door looking for the guys who kicked our door. Rather galant, i must say.

I told them it was the guys opposite cos i saw their door closing suddenly as ours swung open. Then dickson and guopei went to knock on their door to look for them. Chin hwee was standing right behind them with a bunch of flowers he wanted to use as a weapon. Rather comicly. if i may add. HAha. Then dickson had this crazy idea.

So Dickson, guopei and chin hwee went on their knees infront of the door, holding up a bunch of flowers. HAHA. Then they knocked on the door and rang the bell. The guys inside were afraid of a confrontation from us. So the guy opened the door slowwwwly, only to see 3 guys kneeling with a bunch of flowers in their hand. Omg. The expression on all their faces, IT WAS HILARIOUS!!! HAHAHAHAAH! Oh God it was SO FUNNY! i hink and hope someone caught a video of it. haha.

Then the guys apologised to them and made peace with us.
I guess it worked out well cos it could have turned ugly, but because we turned it into a joke, all was well. (:

Hosni came to our room and asked "Where's the beer?" jokingly. haha. And our batch, being the good batch, had no beer at all. ;) Awesome yea. HAHA. :D Well, he came to tell us to not stay so late. Haha. (:

So anyway. Back to 1am. The whole group of athletes walked the arc-en-ceil ppl back to our hotel. (: And they were soooo amused by an empty road/street in vietnam that they stood in the middle of the road and took a picture. ahha! Damn funny.

So they walked us back to our hotel and we went back. (:

I slept at about 2+ and woke up at 4+ cos aunty margaret woke up, worrying about reyor, who at that point of time was in hospital. Quarantined by the vietnamese, suspected of H1N1. He was to be kept there for one night and go for a blood test the next day. If he were to be found positive, we would all have to stay back for 7 days to be quarantined.

Well, i couldnt go back to sleep and neither could aunty margaret. So we chatted for like 3 hours. And then i took another short nap, and went for breakfast.

After breakfast, we went to parksons again. Not for long cos it only opened at 9.30 and we needed to be back at the hotel to check out by 10.15am. lol. So we looked around a little. The guys bought some stuff. Then we went back to the hotel.

Checked out.
Went to the airport.
Me and Khairyll got rejected by the van, and we had to take a seperate one. Sad. But it was a fun ride with him. Wetalked, played hand games on the van and listened to music. HAHA. Damn fun. (:

Then we reached the airport.
Checked in and went for lunch. We saw the singapore taekwando team tehre too. And they look soooooooooooo vietnamese! goodness! I dont know and dont really wanna know their background. It looks ambiguous.

Well, lunch at a singaporean restaurant at the vietnam airport was good. We didnt need to pay cos aunty margaret paid first and would claim from saaa. (: Had chicken rice, which cost 8USD. For a plate of singapore chicken rice. LOL. what a joke. It was nice, but it tasted vietnamses. Haha.

Then we boarded the plane soon.
I sat beside Jason. (: We had alot of fun on the plane, talking teasing whacking each other. Hahaha. (: Its just that feeling that you know you were made to be friends kinda thing. Quite cool, but too bad we opened up to each other only on the last day. :(

The plane got delayed cos of some technical difficulty. The plane ride was short. :( The food was good. (: I only wished the plane ride was longer so i could watch my movie. Haha. Ah well..

So we got off the plane in singapore. :( And our trip was over.

Im really sad cos i didnt really get to say a proper goodbye to all of them. and all of them were really awesome. :( It owuld be a long time before we see each other again, and ive really had so so so much fun with every single one of them. :( I only wish we could spend more time togehtet.

I really wish this was asean cos asean's 10days. Imagine 10 days. in 5 days we were already so close. Imagine 10 days. we would be inseperable. haha Ah well. Goodbyes are hard, but life has t go on. :( i think i'll really miss every single one of them. Esp my hotel mates. All the great times spent, all our made laughter at teasing one another, all the card games and forfiets we played.. Sigh.. They will not be forgotten. (:

Ive had the time of my life.

Sea Games Juniors.
The worst competition experience,
yet,
The best company i could ever ask for.

Go team singapore!
I love you guys. (:

Stupidest thing ive ever done.

2009-06-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

WEll.

Today was my Sea Junior's event.
AND.
I missed it. T_T

No kidding. I missed my sea games junior sot putt event, which was the stupidest thing i could have ever done because i could have gotten 2nd position, and i lost it to some girl i totally could have won.

Total Bummer.

WEll.
The coaches told me that my event was at 7pm today and i totally took their word for it.
It was a real overlooking on my part because i didnt check the timing and assumed the coaches were right.

So at 3.30, i left with the bus to the stadium, only to find that my event ahd already begun.
Naturally, i freaked out.
And ran across the field with one of the vietnamese officials to try to enrol into the already happening competition.

But alas, i was devastated to know that the refrees and officials there wouldnt budge. They wouldnt let me have even one throw.

I was so upset.
I felt like my dreams were splashed onto the floor.

Everything i ever wanted was stripped away from me. Everything i ever wanted. My dreams, my career in throws. I was heartbroken. I really was.

I had really looked forward to coming to sea juniors. I still remember how ecstatic i was when i was told i was chosen to go for sea juniors. I was so happy. I was so excited. I couldnt wait to compete.

I wanted to get a sea games medal.
I wanted to get my 12m.
I wanted so badly to achieve something.
I wanted to move on from 11m.
I wanted to break the national record.

But alas.
A miscommunication led to my dismay.
My loss, my unability to compete.
I was devastated.

I went back to the stand crying.
What else could i do?
I felt sooooo horrid for that moment, i couldnt live with myself.

I had missed a competition.
I had missed THE competition.
I had screwed up big time.

The track girls came and comforted me but i couldnt be comforted. My heart was just a mess of rumbles and jumbles i cant describe the feeling, but it sucked. I felt like i couldnt live anymore and my entire body was shaking and turning into jelly. i nearly couldnt stand again.

But who else could i blame?
It wasnt anybody's fault.
In fact, it was possibly my fault.

I has missed my own game.

I was really upset.
I had wanted soooo much to get that medal.
And i totally could have gotten silver.

The first was that THai girl Bhuk who won asean last year. She threw 12.82m. And the girl who got 2nd, she threw 10.82m. i can totally beat that. My God. I can freaking get 2nd la!

But i missed it.
I let it slip through my fingers.
I let it walk right out the door.

God i feel stupid.

UGHH.

WEll.
After like maybe half and hour to an hour of crying and calling ppl, Dimna took me out of the stadium for a walk. Ironically, i felt better after breathing in that 'fresh' vietnam air, which in all honestly, is not fresh at all. Haha. Its so ironic that i feel better breathing all that polluted air. (: HAha. BUt it was a good walk. I sorted pout my thoughts and had a nice chat with dimna. She really made me feel better. (: Thanks babe. HAha.

After awhile, we went back to the stadium. The s'pore athletes were erally nice, making sure i was okay and all. HAha. Dickson gave me the s'pore token of appreciation as my medal, guopei gave me a flower from the s'pore bouquet and tim gave me a half hug. Haha. (: ANd almost all the girls gave me a hug. (: really sweet of them. Haha. (:

Ah well.
I pretty much got over it, but every once in awhile, the feeling would come back.
THe feeling of loss and self pity.
It was pathetic.
UGHH.

Well, i really did hope a miracle would happen.
But i guess not.

During the walk i realised that i inda found back my motivation to train. I had lost it for awhile but i found it back from the experience. WEll. I feel motivated to train everyday t be better for asean. Maybe i might even be able to beat the thai girl. I dont know...

BUt OH OH.
That thai girl, SHe's ADORABLE!!!
(:
She's so sweet i cant express how happy i felt when she encouraged me. Haha.

I congratulated her and she kinda pitied me.
Aye. We competed last year mah. And she probably could tell how upset i was that i didnt get to compete.
WEll, we shook hands and all, and i asked her if she was going asean and she said yes.
Then she gave me a hug. AWEEEE. (:
Super nice la! hahaha

THen during dinner, when we were lining up, this was how our interesting conversation turned out:
Bhuk: *Something in thai*
Me: Mai kao chai (Dont understand)
Bhuk: HEY! Mai Pen Rai
Me: HUh? *Think awhile...* OH!!! Khao Chai Khao Chai (Understand)
Bhuk: SUSU! *with hand showing a power sign* Jia you!
Me: HEIK! Not bad not bad!
Bhuk: Dui! Dui! (right)

HAHAHAH!
She's freaking cute la! Hahahaha. :D
I love her.
really wished i had competed with her today.
Sigh...
Ah well..

Well, i came up with a slogan during my walk:

Today was the worst day of my life.
But what doesnt kill you,
Only makes you stronger.

Well.
I feel kinda scared it may leave a black mark on my career. BUt one thing amazing that happened was that, God was there with me during my walk.

God reminded me to trust in him.
Like though things were sowrong, i needed to trust inhim for a miracle beyond my wildest dreams. I serve a great and faithful God, was this beyond him? I dontthink so.

I choose to believe that God has a plan and a purpose for me.
When has he ever failed me?
God has always been faithful through thick and thin and this wasnt gonna be any different.
THough i can feel my faith wearing out, and becoming thin, i just have to keep whatever hope i have to hold on to.

Im a little lost at what to do, but i trust that all things are in God's good hands and i just need to trust in him. Its not easy to ask a 17 year old maturing girl to do that, but it will be a growth in my faith in God and well, i guess it is necessary.

Somehow, i feel like God is putting me though what he put elijah through.
Like my dad was telling me that God had to strip elijah off everything he had before he could do a work in his life. And i feel the exact same way. I feel like my entire world of dreams and ambitions have crumbled. In the same single day, i missed 2 of the most important events that i wanted to be part of.

Singapore idol
Sea games junior.

Gosh.
God, what does this mean?
is there somthing that you want to tell me?
is there something you;re trying to teach me?
Oh God.
I dont know.
BUt i want to trust that you know what you're doing in my life.
If it is some part of your plann to make me prosper even more elsewhere, may it be.
But Lord, help me forgive myself first.
Cos i think the person im most mad with is myself.

I dont know.
But i think it'll take a little time.

I just hope i dont break at the stadium tmr.

I must keep the hope that i have.
The hope that will last.
The hope i have in God.

God, what does this mean?

Vietnam!

2009-06-05T11:01:00.000+08:00

Hey Hey!

Im in vietnam now. Haha. Its currently day 2 of my 5 day trip in vietnam sea gmes junior. Haha.

The tri[ kinda started out a little lonely since i was the only thrower there. But it soon got better. (: Haha. Tim and Yi Hao were really nice, telling me i could always look for them if i ever felt lonely or something. (: Really touched. Haha.

Well. As we all started on out jouney from the airport and all, everyone started hanging out and all. I just hung out with the guys cos there was tim and yi hao, and i didnt quite fit in with the girl sprinters. Well, i kinda figured that it was totally fine being alone. Haha. No im not a loner. :P Just mature enough to not feel bad being alne. It was quite interesting.

Well, i started hanging out with the guys during the trip. It was really fun! Haha. The airplane ride was so so only. Haha. The food was good though.

Well, after the plane ride, we went to the hotel, only to wait 3+ hours for the rooms to be settled. The Vietnam organizers were really badly organized. We booked 9 rooms, but they were now only willing to give us 3 rooms because other ppl had come to the hotel first, so they gave the rooms to them. It was really maddening. Ughh.

So a few of us were transfered to another hotel just opposite. The outside looked really grummy and i was hoping i wouldnt get transfered there.

But as always, i get what i dont want. And i got transfered there, together with 8 other athletes and an official- Aunty Margaret.

But as fate and destiny would have it, the 9 /10 of us are having the time of our lives spnding time together. The 10 of us have bonded pretty much in a day. Haha. The fun outing we had, the great dinner, and the night spent together playing cards. MAN! It was fun! (: Haha.

Im really starting to enjoy my time here. Though there's nothing much to do here, well. The company's great. (: ahahah.

Thank God!

he really knows whats best for me. (:

Oh yes. I saw my thai competitor.

The girl who won 1st for asean last year.

Well, im not as intimidated.

I guess becase my dad told me something to remember:

David Won Goliath!
David was small in size and goliath was a giant. Yet David won goliath by the power of God backing him.

Im not saying that i can win the 'giant' aka the thailand girl, but rather i will ot be intimidated because i have a great God that will support me and will watch over me. I may not beat her, but by the pwoer of God, i pray and hope to achieve my personal best of 12m. God, i ask in faith for 12m this weekend. I really really wanna break the mental barrier i've had for so long.

Well, im not gonna be intimidated by the sizes of my competitors, but im just gonna go into the field and do my best. God, all glory goes to you no matter what.

Well. May the best person win. (:

2009-06-03T14:38:00.000+08:00

My 2 new targets:
12.5m by 22nd June.
14.6 by next year.

Oh God.
I ask for a good 12m this weekend! :D

I still wanna go ITALY!!!!

2009-06-02T23:54:00.000+08:00

Lord,

I ask for wisdom.

Not performing and growing fat

2009-05-31T23:32:00.000+08:00

Today's nats Junior was kinda disaster.
Free medal, but honestly, they're starting to mean nothing to me.
Aye. I am grateful for them, but im starting to treasure the more importnat and prestigious ones more than the rest.

Today there was very little or almost no competition at all.
5 ppl for discus and 4 ppl for shot putt.
Kinda wierd.
I got 2nd for discus and 1st for shot.

My discus was 27.85m and shot was 11.16m.

Kinda wierd, really. Quite terrible.

Discus anyhow whack la. Not my pet also.
So lost to kelly, obviously. She didnt perform today, though. Aye.

Then shot putt...
Sigh...
I didnt get to warm up much and my food didnt get enough time to digest. By the time my throws got warmed up, the event was over. Every 5 minutes i have to throw one ball. And 5 minutes isnt enough to psyco and warm up and get excited. It was horrid. Afer my event, i still wasnt quite warmed up. I still had a whole lot of energy and i could like go for another 50 throws with no problem. Sigh. so i was trying to rid myself of the glycogen in my liver. So i walked around, jumped around and tried to get ppl to play badminton with me. Well. It didnt quite work. hahaha. But oh well.

Well. Up to now, my energy from all the food i ate still hasttnt been used up to the max. Pfffft.
Tmr sure grow fat. :( Oh no.

and tmr's the team meeting for Sea Junior.
From what i know so far, quite a number of awesome peeps are going. (:
I pray and hope for a great time there. :D

My mental barrier

2009-05-30T22:32:00.000+08:00

I currently have a mental barrier i cant face.

Its like there is a cup on the table that i want to take.
It is an arm's length away.
I can take it if i just reach out my arm.
Thats how close it is to me.

Yet, when i reach my arm, i realise that there is a plastic sheet btw my arm and the cup.
And i cant reach it even though it is within reach.

Thats how i feel right now.
I need to break this mental barrier.

Oh God.
Help me.

Athelethically overwhelming

2009-05-29T00:34:00.000+08:00

Today was a rather overwhelming day in sports. Haha.

Well.
In the morn, there was this BIG drama i created because i got accepted and am being sent to vietnam next week for SEA GAMES JUNIOR!!! :D :D :D
It came as a HUGE surprise as i kinda gave up the idea of getting in because the appeal was sent in 2 weeks ago, and the trip's next week!
So i was pleasantly surprised that i was shortlisted to go. :D

Thank the LORD!
Seriously!

So i'll be away from the 4th to the 8th of June. (:
Which is in exacly one week's time. Lol.
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!
FINALLY GOT TO GO SEA GAMES! :D

And to be chosen, means that i have a chance to get top 3.
Oh God.
I want top 3.
I want 12m! :D

Ah well.
After that, was school.
Which wasnt exacly the best of days, but it was okay.

I ponned econs lecture to meet haoyi for lunch. :D
For the first time ever, my ex-coach treated me to lunch!!! *GASP!* :D
I was so thrilled. Hahahaha.
It was a rather good catch up session. (:
We're still as close as ever and haoyi...
Haoyi hasnt changed a bit. (:
And oh do i love that coach of mine. ^_^

Aye. I miss talking to him. Haha.
I wished we had more time to talk.
But time wasnt on our side. :( Boo.
So when his kids came, i went to put my stuff down, bought a fruit juice, then went to the pit to look for haoyi. (: Ah well.

After that, i had track exco meeting, which also came as a surprise because i didnt know i was in the exco since i knew i wasnt the vice cap. But i happened to be the secretary, which puts me in the exco. Haha. So, Hannah Lee Shih Yan of 09S32 is officially the track girls secretary and part of the exco. It is an honour to be chosen to be in the exco. (: Haha. But i also have to do all the admin work. Meh. No complaints here. I actually enjoy doing admin work. ^_^ HEE.

Well, during the meeting, i also learnt that Mr Melvin Tan is leaving, which is a rather big shock to me. :( I really looked up to him as a teacher and a coach and a motivator and a mentor and to know he's leaving is like.. BAM! :( I was quite sad actually. Still am. :( But ah well. Life has to go on. I guess its a different season for every one of us. And we just need to trust God and move on with life. (:

After the meetings and all, i had training.
Coach wasnt very pleased with all of us today.
He gave us attitude and we were kinda shocked that he was so angry.

Well.
I didnt throw too well today.
Infact, i havent been throwing well at all.
I barely pass 11m nowadays and that scares me big time.
It shows that i have not improved at all! :(

Honestly, im really worried abuot my throws.
I have this HUGE mental block infront of me right now which im finding rather hard to breech.
Somehow, i know i can reach 12m. I should be doing that now. But somehow, i cant. And its definately a mental block. :(

Somebody help me!!!!!!!!! :(
I really need to break that bariar to reach my full potential. :(

Aye.
On the way home with Miss Yu, who gave me a lift back home, i talked alot with her. And i learnt more baout her and coach. It was so cute! :P Did you know my coach used to coach James Wong? BIG SHOCKER THERE! Haha. Confidence level in coach has risen another lot. Haha. (: ah well.

Enough banter for now. (:

Power Hungry

2009-05-26T23:18:00.000+08:00

Someone told me that i was power hungry today.
Well i wouldnt consider myself power hungry, but i would rather think myself to be a natural leader. Not that i think i am fabulous at leading a group or something, but its something that is natural, that is inborne, that is part of my rather dominant nature. I dont like commanding, ive learnt its not worth it. But yet i enjoy leading people. I enjoy taking the innitiative to lead a project, to lead people in the direction i believe is right.

Is that being power hungry?

I accept the decision made by the teachers in charge and by the track team.
Though honestly, i really did hope to be appointed the vice-cap of the girls team. But since i didnt, im fine with it too. (: I guess it wasnt the position for me, and i accept that. (: PErhaps Grace and Shiying are better than me. And i will support them because they are my captains.

Ever since i came to VJ, i have found my leadership path to be rather interesting. Instead of fighting to be in the lead, i decided to take one step back and follow instead of leading. I used to be someone in Fairfield. A rather prominant figure. A worship leader, a student councillor, a captain. But when i came to VJ, i decided i would desire none of the leadership position and just let nature take its course. And nature has taken a very interesting course for me. (:

I didnt join house com because i was afraid of the commitment.
I somewhat wish i did now cos it looks like SO MUCH FUN!
But i guess that wasnt quite part of my destiny, so be it. (:

I tried to run for class chairman but it was given to someone else.
Well, i guess my class didnt quite believe in me when we all first met and the networking among my classmates wasnt strong so i guess thats why i lost out. Well, i didnt mind settling for a normal student status in my class. (:

I didnt join the Students council.
I REFUSED to. Haha.
I;ve been in te prefects and council since primary school.
Enough rules for once in my life!

So. I didnt get any leadership roles.
I didnt quite volunteer for any.
As not humbling as this sounds, i humbled myself in VJ to take the roles of ordinary citizens of VJ- Only to become more outstanding than i'de imagine i'de become.

Lets start with my class, shall we. (:
Though i wasnt made the class chairman, i still lead the class in subtle ways. Im proud to say that i may not hold a prominant class position, but yet i have earned my classmates' respect. I Thank the Lord for the favour he has granted me with my classmates and thought i am a nobody in my class exco, i am a somebody to my class. I know for sure my classmates respect me and it touches my heart to know how much they care. (: Through SLV, i have seen how my class has supported me as a leader. Though i became the unofficial leader of the SLV, i have but proven my worth as a person and as a leader. And to me, that is good enough. (:

Whats the point of having a leadership role if you dont have the hearts of the people?
Wouldnt it be better to be a nobody, yet win the hearts of the people?
Thats something ive learnt.
And it is really interesting. (:

Secondly, Track and Field.
Dont get me wrong, im really really totally fine with not being the vice cap of the team. But it touches my heart to know that many of the trackers really believed in me and really looked to me as a future leader of the team. Well, though i may not be the vice cap, i will put in my effort to bring the team forward. (: Odd thing is, im not the vice cap of my own team, but im the vice cap of the ASEAN team. So which one speaks louder? Im not really sure. Haha. (: Quite interesting, no?

Well thirdly, i didnt join any leadership role in school.
But yet at the soccer match yesterday, when i shouted and asked the school to get on their feet to cheer for the soccer guys, they did.

I dont understand whats going on.
Maybe it was the recognition of person from musicfest.
Or Maybe its because i was totally loud and big and prominant.
I dont know.
BUt somethings happening.
God is granting me favour with almost everyone i meet.
I am making an influence on the people i meet.
I am impacting lives of people i meet.

Hmmm.
Maybe as Pastor Andy said, that as i impact people, i'll direct them to God?
I dont know.
But i smell destiny.
And i know its not far away any longer.

Lord, call.
Call me.
I believe you have the best planned for me and i dont wanna miss a thing.

So.
Am i power hungry?
Haha.

Give everyone what you owe him,
if respect, then respect;
if honor then honor.
Romans 13:7

An appreciation a day keeps the sadness away

2009-05-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

Today as i did SLV publicity with Yi qian, after all our discussion, she tahnked me, and it really touched my heart. (:

This is what she said:
thanks hannah, for putting in so much effort in our class's SLV
honestly, if we really manage to do well for our SLV, you were the one that made it possible(:
thanks hannah!

It may not be much, in fact its only 2 lines.
But the power of 2 words - Thank You, can go a long way. (:

Thank you, yi qian.
And Thank you Lord for the reminder.
To always be grateful for everything you have, be it great or small, cos everything is worth the 2 small but powerful words- Thank You.

Random stuff

2009-05-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

Ah well.
Just a few random stuff. (:

Alot of stuffs been happening and honestly, i was a little emo the past few days.
I guess ive somewhat come to terms with the things that have been happening, yet they still remain slightly sore. I gotta take more time to figure that out. Yupp. I need a little more time and thinking space. Sigh. :S

Well, Last friday, Pastor Andy prayed a prayer of blessing over every single one of RR's SPs during Lcell, and that prayer really relaly relaly blessed me. I really wondered what God would tell him to tell me cos I didnt know what to expect.

I was hoping for an answer to all ive been pondering about, or like a look into my future, or like a specific area to grow in or move in in VJ.

But i received something else, something unexpected, something really great.

Pastor Andy started off saying how he saw a picture of a heart beating. Pulsating. And with every pulse it beats comes a strong wave that flows from it and impacts anything it hits.
He said that heart is like my heart. A heart full of love. A heart that is so full of love it overflows with love. There's just so much, so overwhelming amount of love in that heart.

And the deepest desire i have in my heart is to impact every single person i come in contact with. And the thing the Lord will say to me that day, is that through that impact that i bring, i lead people to God.

I found what he said to be so amazing cos really, ever since the beginning of the year, i have found favour with both God and men. And it really really really is the deep desire of my heart to impact people i meet, and honestly, i really have. And i thank God for that.

And that part about me leading them to God, im gonna keep believeing in that. (: God has been amazing through my walk in life, and i really wanna share it with those i love. But i just havent quite been on my game the past few months. I dont know. I need something. A jolt or something. Sigh. Life conference maybe? Haha. (:

Anyway.
VJ has been winning sports like mad for the past few weeks.
I am so really really proud of VJC right now!
And im even prouder to be a VICTORIAN! :D
Im so glad i didnt go ACJC.
Just dont have the click. haha. (:
Just affinity with VJC i guess. :D
Im so justified.
Haha.

Come on. Mugger school that pawns in sports?
FOOF! Welcome to VJC. ;)
I love VJ. :D
GO VJ GO VJ GO! :D

And school has been a little mad recently. HAHA.
Botin's positively insane.
Well, its partly my fault.
HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA.
Ah well.
Im infectious. ;)
What can i say? :D

Oh something Russel told me last weekend or a few weekends ago.
He said he was praying and talking to God and God told him this:
It was about someone who made a decision because the person knows God is calling the person there, but its not what he/she wanted. And that person will always question God about this decision and wonder what it would be like if they made the other choice.
And Russel said after that, God told him that person was me.

Well, when i first heard it, i was shell shocked cos when he was sharing that with the cell, the first thought that came to my mind was "Thats not me. (:". And it was me. T-T Well, that was the week that musicfest just ended. My life seemed perfect. So i didnt hitnk it was me. Now, im not quite sure. There may be a few things he's refering to, but its still not exacly it. But i'll keep it in view cos it might come to pass soon. i dont know. God DID say that he's gonna take me i to somewhere i dont expect. Hmmm.

Ah well. (:

I bought a book/album to store my eventful events in VJC. :D Gonna start on it! :D WHEE! :D

2009-05-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

Life has been so overwhelming lately.

I need a hug badly right now. :(

2009-05-20T23:56:00.000+08:00

Many are the plans in a Man's heart,

but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

Im sorry.

2009-05-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

Here's a list of things im sorry about:

Im sorry i wanted to be somebody.
Im sorry i even thought i could be somebody.
Im sorry i couldnt make you believe in me.
Im sorry im not good enough.

Im sorry for being a field champion.
Im sorry for not being smart enough.
Im sorry you think im lazy.
Im sorry i cant seem to buck up.

Im sorry i know myself better than you know me.
Im sorry i cant prove it to you.
Im sorry i know whats best for me.
Im sorry i am not allowed to choose.

Im sorry for choosing professions you dont support.
Im sorry i cant be wise.
Im sorry my interests arent like yours
Im sorry i cant follow my dreams.

Im sorry for having so much faith in myself.
Im sorry for having faith in God.
Im sorry i cant be as realistic as you.
Im sorry i think so optimistically.

Im sorry i can sacrifice.
Im sorry ive thought about the price.
Im sorry for beliving in myself.
Im sorry for ever thinking i was special.

Im sorry for being a disappointment.
And most of all, Im sorry for being me.
Because all that i am, is all that you dont agree.

So, im sorry that i am ME.

Vice-captain

2009-05-19T23:29:00.000+08:00

Hello all. Sorry for not updating.
Theres just been so many things going on and i havent been too bothered to write. Haha.
Anyway.

Yesterday, VJ PAWNED ACJC! :D
I ponned training just to watch that soccer match. Haha
I had to somewhat dignify my choosing of VJ over AC.
And i sure did. (:
Haha.

VJ won AC in soccer and the match was SOOOOOO EXCITING!
Ive never been so excited in a soccer match in my entire life! It was just so so so awesome. (:
Sat with Jaanani and Mindi and that was extra fun. (: ahahhaha.
Anyway. We won 3-nil. Our favour. (:
The match was awesome. :D

Well. I dont feel like sharing more for now.
My first friendship problem in VJ.
Bummer.

But just one thing before i go.

Today i had the first ASEAN meeting with the track team.
Half the team's the same as last year's. Haha.
Well, i was very honoured as i was selected to be this year's team vice-captain for girls.
It may not seem much, and it may seem like i have to do all the 'sai-kang', but i still feel honoured to have been selected to lead the team this season. (:

Thank you Lord for the appointment of leadership.
I may not be the vice cap of the VJ track team, but i am the vice cap of the ASEAN track team. (:
Thank you Lord. Haha.
And God, HELP. I need wisdom to lead this team. (:

Ah well.
Toodles for now yall.

Life moves on...

2009-05-11T19:48:00.001+08:00

Its just one of the times

When you had one of the most perfect moments in life.

You just wish that time would stop right there

And live that moment forever.

Musicfest was awesome.

The adrenelin, the exhileration.

But its all over and life needs to move on.

But i dont want it to. :(

I want to stay in musicfest.

Live that moment forever.

And never forget every bit of it.

Hannah.

The star.

2009-05-11T01:09:00.001+08:00

Thank God i still have my toe.
My toe was THAT close to being regurgitated by the escalator.
Thank God.
Its really a miracle.

I won Musicfest'09 :)

2009-05-09T10:50:00.000+08:00

Hello all!

I WON MUSICFEST'09. (:

It was the best day of my life,

the best experience i've ever ever had.

Through the whole experience, i've gotten to know so many more people and have bonded with so many people through the whole thing as we spent time together while waiting during rehearsals, helping one another out with our performances, doing crazy stuff and all. (: its been sooooo awesome. (:

Well, yesterday...

Im still trying to take it all in. The atmosphere there was, the perfect performance. I cant describe it all. Its just been a heck of a ride and man, it was one ride i nvere wanna forget.

Yesterday, i started the day with NAPHA.

lol. It rained so we did 5 stations instead. I realised im alot less fit than before. But i ended up with 4As and 1B. Not bad. Im quite proud of my shuttle run. (: 10.5s. hahaha. not bad. :D

After PE, i went to bath, get some food, and then headed off to bio lecture.

I had an interesting good one period of bio lecture, then headed off to the PT to start musicfest tech rehearsals. Lol. Cos i spent alot of time trying to pack my stuff, i was the last one to leave, and when i did, my classmates kept shouting "Good luck hannah!" and all that, that it was soooooooo embarrasing! x) lol. But i appreciate the gesture nontheless. (:

So i went to the PT, only to find i was the first one there. haha. Waited there for awhile, sitting and listening to my music. Then people started coming in and we soon started the musicfest briefing. After the briefing we went to change so that the teachers could vet our costumes to ensure its not revealing of any sort. (:

We soon started the tech run and all. It took kinda long cos the ppl were still trying to sort out the lights and all. But it was really fun cos i got to spend alot of time with the solo vocs. (: Haha. Chit chatting, doing stupid stuff like imitating yelun's hand actions while he sang and stuff. haha. During my turn at the sound check, i sang my song and when they said it was enough, the smoke maching turned on, and it was sooooooo awesome cos it was at the right time! HAha. So i went back to the mic and sang a little bit more of the chorus, then decided i shouldnt hog the stage, so i went off, much to the mini audience's disappointment. Haha. It was evident in their "Awee. Ehh..." etc. Hahaha. Fun neverthelss. (:

Then we went for a break and stuff. I went to change out of my blue shirt into my Pe shirt cos it was more comfy. Haha. Went for some lunch and then back to the PT for a full run of the event. So did a full run, and it went rather badly. I wasnt too pleased with it.

So the time for the real performance came, and i was relaly nervous. While waiting in LT5, i decided i needed to practice my hands. So i stood up and started singing the song with my hands and all. And after awhile, i noticed the noice and chattering all around me stopped, and i felt kinda wierd. So i stopped singing. Hahaha. :P

Well, we soon went backstage, and the feeling was 1 word- Nerve-wrecking. I was really nervous. Watched the dancers perform and the music video, and soon, the vocal solos were up on stage. As i watched jed's and yelun's performances, i felt so nervous my legs couldnt handle it. So i sat down back stage and trembelled. Literally. I was so nervous that i asked some random guy-edward was his name, and asked for his hand. And then i grabbed it and squeezed cos i was so nervous. He totally understood and squatted and let me hold his hand for awhile. Haha. really nice of him.

It was finally my turn, and i was so excited to get out on stage and perform. My video came out, and the crowd went wild! Omg. I cant tell you enough how to crowd went wild. My video made the whole crowd laugh cause of the joke i made about me being a high jumper. :P bet the trackers were the ones who laughed the loudest then. Then came the part where i said i always pulled my leg during training, and that i was pulling theirs too. Then i had this hysterical laugh like they got jacked kinda thing, and the crowd went wild cos they got the joke. haha. And there was applause cos it was so funny. HAhaha. It was so awesome to know the crowd loved my video. I loved it too. (; ahahahah.

The moment my video ended, i ran out onto the stage, and the crowd went wild! I heard so many "Go HANNAH!" And all. A few distinct voices i could recognise were wenyi and weicong, but i heard so many more shouting my name and cheering me on and screaming and WOO. It was amazing to ahve a crowd shout your name. HAhaha.

So i got onto my chair onstage, waited for the music, and the music came. My mic started to work, and i did my thing. I sang. And i sang with all my heart. The moment i hit the first chorus, the crowd went wild for awhile and then it became silent again to hear what i had to sing. But i didnt quite notice that cos i was ready to jump in and be absorbed by the song. The 2nd verse was just AWESOME. I got the 'Dozen roses' part right, and it was perfect.

I hit the chorus again with greater passion than the first, and for the last chorus, i did my long extended 'want it all', and OH DID THE CROWD GO WILD! They cheered through and after that want it all, it was SO AWESOME. My voice just went all the way out, wibrating so nicely and having the perfect pitch and sound i wanted. It was PERFECT! Then i ended the song, and the moment the song ended, THE CROWD WENT WILD! They cheered so so so loudly for a really long time. So many screams, so many cheers, a grand chorus of cheers for me. Wow. It was so amazing. The feeling, the exhiliration, the adrenalin rush. It was so awesome.

I got off stage and the moemtn i hit the backstage, i screamed! Cos i was so pleased with my performance and i was so glad the whole performance was so perfect! eveyone back stage congratulated me and hugged me so tightly. I screamed "I DID IT!" and dom cooed in return "yes you did. And we are very proud of you" followed by nat and kim hugging me from the back. Hahaha. I just kept hugging ppl cos i really really really was soooooooo happy! hahahaha. (:

After that, the solos and i went to the upper gallery to watch the rest of the show. When we were outside the door, we were welcomed by 2 tables of packed POSH brownies! WOOTS! Exhilerated by the fact that we no longer needed to clear phlegm for any reason, we each took one happily. (: Ye lun walked out of the PT to get another one halfway. HAHA.

The show was really really awesome! The vocal groups performed really really well!

Dear mimosa:
They were pretty good, except that they were a little stiff for the song they chose.

Futari:
The idea is really really cute! Perfect pitching and the harmony blends PERFECTLY. It was really pleasing to the ears and enjoyable to watch on the whole. I really really liked them. (: They're performance was FANTABULOUS!

3Mics!:
They were really really cute! Though they started the song on a higher note, they managed to hit all the high notes. And may i add each of them are SO GOOD at what they do? omg. Hahaha. they are FANTASTIC! But i wish they had more harmonising and all. And dom's beatboxing is AMAZING. (: Congrats to them for winning! Haha. Great accapella piece. (:

After them were the dance groups! Im obviously NOT a dancer. Haha. So i cant critic their performances. I think the group that won, Funkout crew were AMAZING! The amount of TALENT there was in that crew was amazing. The show was stunning and they so deserve to win! (: So congrats to them!

Then it was intermission. (: We 3 solos ran out so that we could a)get more brownies, b)not get caught in the stair jam. (:

During the intermission, we went out to meet people and stuff. I was so overwhelmed! All my friends surrounding me, giving me gifts of flowers and all, congratulating me, some promising to kill themselves or others if i didnt win, many giving me hugs, taking pictures, MAN. It was awesome! I felt so loved and adored for once. I felt like a star! :D I wanted to get water but i didnt get my water till about 10mins later cos every step i took i met ppl that congratulated me and hugged me and took pictures and etc. Hahaha. But i loved the feeling of it. It was amazing. Truely amazing. (:

Then me and Jumana went to the treehouse cos Jumana wanted to see it. (: It was great spending some time together. hahaha. She was soooooo happy up there and we took a few pictures. More of her since she's the visitor. And the one deprived of a tree house also. :P Hahahaaha. (: It was a pretty awesome 2 girl time together, though short. (:

Then i walked her back to the PT cos the show was about to resume. (: Took a few more compliments and pictures and hugs on the way out, and met Nat, Jed and a few others outside the PT. The few of us were trying to find out where we were supposed to report. So we walked towards LT5, and saw Funkout Crew walking to the Concorse for free food. So we followed them happily, anxious to reach the food that awaited us. Suddenly, i screamed "OH WAIT! THE NOBODY VIDEO'S ABOUT TO SHOW!!!" Then we all looked at each other alarmingly, and realised the consequences of our missing the show. And we all wanted to watch the nobody mtv SUPER BADLY! It was SO FUNNY OMG! HAHAHHAA. We literally RAN up the stairs to the 3rd floor and into the PT. Haha. And we were just in time for the video! :D

The 2nd half started with the entire audience shouting "FULL DAY" Cos the Emcees were rar raring the crwod and trying to get them to say "We want musicfest". BUT! its VJ. So it turned into "WE WANT FULL DAY!" Nad i was one of them shouting the Full day part. :D hahahahaha. SO FUN. :D

So.
The nobody video got screened and OMG its SOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Couldnt stop laughing at all. It was soooo fun! The audience went wild over it and clapped at the appropriate moments. It was soooooo fun!!!

After that, the bands performed.

The Chinks and the Chocolate man:
Rock is not my personal favourite, but the band accoustics were really really good! Like all the sounds are all over the place, but they were in sinc with one another. The vocalist, Priscilla sang really really well! Her voice suits the song very well. Loved it!

Pause for Applause:
They were really really good!!!
I loved their performance!
maybe cos i prefer they're kind of music but i think they were at least good enough for the 2nd position. They so did not deserve the 3rd position. AT ALL OKAY. :(

DAYM:
Well, they did better than rehearsals thats for sure.
Eduardo's voice suits the song. (:

After that, we went to LT5 to report for prize presentation. It was really fun there! The dancers and evreyone were dancing to NOBODY and it was SO HAPPENING! Then we went backstage, and watched the teachers' performance which was relaly really awesome! And we sang with them annd all. It was so fun! The spirit of having everyone getting into the moment together. it was so so so fun! The 3 of us solos locked arms and moved everywhere like that. (: The 2 of them were so cartoonly gentlemenly. HAhahaha. :P

Soon after the teacehrs were done with their performance, we went onstage behind the curtains to line up according to the line up plane for prize presentation. Vocals at the front, vocal groups behind us etc etc.

Then the 3 of us vocalist were still in the locked arms and the voacl groups behind us were fooling around with us. So we were all fooling around each other. Haha. All the performers jumbled up together and we all posed as the curtains opened. It was SO FUN! HAhahha. The 3 solos infront, the others peeping all around, top, bottom, everywhere! All posing. it was SO FUN! :D :D :D.

Soon, it was the real prize presentation.
The guest of honour was invited onstage and the emcees started to announce the results and all. haha. Yelun, Jed and I shouted "WE WANT FULL DAY". But it was quite a failure. Haha. Then Gail passed the mic to yelun and he shouted "WE WANT FULL DAY" by himself. Hehehehe. :P Ah well.

So.
The emcees asked the audience who they thought was third. And there was a rather loud response "Jed." Quite bad la. But what to do. lol. So the third went to jed. So he went to get his prize, leaving me and yelun centre stage, arm locked. Haha. Then the emcees asked who they thought was sencond. They asked if it was Hannah and the audience went "No..." and when they asked if second was yelun, the audience went "yes..." Omg. SUPER BAD LA. But what to do. Hahaha. So yelun indeed was second, and i won the grand prize. :D

When they announced officially that i was the grand winner, the crowd went wild. I stood. I smiled. I soaked up the cheers. Watched the audience clap with their hands high in the air. I gave a flying kiss with both hands, then bowed twice. Smiled. Waved. And went to receive my prize. (: the GOH told me he knew i'de win. And that was really sweet of him. (: hahahaha.

So the 3 of us met centrestage again, and bowed together. (: Then we went to the back of the stage, congratulating each other. As the prize preesntation went on, as the groups continued to collect their prizes, all the performers started to congratulate each other with handshakes and hugs and all. The atmosphere was just awesome. (:

After the whole event ended, the performers led the audience in YO VJC and PUMP IT! Haha. Super fun can! :D Then the whole stage went chaotic with ppl running up and taking photos with people everywhere. The buzz was so amazing! Haha! :D

I went to collect my prizes from the SC, then took alot more photos, received alot more compliments and also alot more hugs! ^-^ Hahahaha. :D Everywhere i went, people i knew would congratulate me, and praise my performance. It was a real star treatment and i really really enjoyed it. Even people who didnt know me would come up to me and tell me how good a job i did. (: It was really awesome.

After all that, i packed up and got into the car, went to goldkist so my mum could sign the card for the chalet for the trackers. Then after that, we went for supper, then fetched Jumana home. (:

I was dead tired when i got home.
But it was really worth it.
Up till now, i still have yet to comprehend the whole thing nor take it all in. The sudden shot to fame and stardom was just a whole journey of fun and amazing bonding and FUN! I really really really enjoyed this journey i have taken and have abcolutely no regrets. (: It really was the best day of my life so far. (: I still cant forget how the crowd went wild after my performance. It was truely amazing.

Well, i ahve so many people to thank for making this journey so so so great for me.
So many of my friends have been supporting me emotionally and physically and in every way they could, pulling contacts from everywhere. And I really want to thank every single one of my friends because they have played a big role in my journey to music fest. (: Special shout outs to Chantal, Jesselyn and mervyn for endlessly believing and supporting me, understanding when i was stressed up over everything. (; Thank you guys so much. (: Really appreciate it.

I aslo wanna thank the SC. They did a really really really good job on musicfest. (: The prizes were AMAZING, and the whole event was run really really well since day 1. (: Thank you all for supporting me and the rest of the performers, for running the whole event so well, for handling all the problems so nobly. Thank you all for your effort. It is greatly appreciated. (:

And most of all, i wanna thank God.
God has been amazing to me ever since i started this journey. He's sent so many people along my path to help and support me through musicfest. From getting into the semis, to helping me find a beat boxer, then taking him away to teach me to trust that God will never let me fall, but only wants to prosper me in all I do. Thus, giving me the opportunity to perform an even better song. If i had chosen to do the beat box one i had in mind innititally, I might not have made it to the finals. (: But instad, i chose to do a song that glorified and honoured God, and in return, he blessed me with a great semis performance and a place in the finals. (:

After that, God granted me favour with the semis Judges, esp Mrs Judah, who held my hand through the preperation for my finals. He caused Jumana's drama prac to shift to another day so she could come down to support me and help me do my make up, he gave me a great friend like chantal who really helped me and didnt mind not doing my make up though we innitially agreed she would. He helped me get my soundtrack done and key lowered. He granted me many friends through the entire season. And most of all, he granted me a perfect performance.

The performance wasnt perfect, but it was the most perfect performance i could ever ever ask for. My hands miraculously started moving, my body was no longer stiff, my voice sounded enhanced and great, and the atmosphere while singing was just awesome. freaking awesome.

And all this glory belongs to God.
Though the crowd shouted for me,
i shouted for God.
And god heard me, and he granted me favour with all i encountered. (:
Though the crowd credited the prize to me, i credit my talent to God. Cos God first blessed me with my talent, then he enhanced it for his glory, and i dedicated the song to him. (:

If i aint got you, Jesus,
i woulndt have nothing.

Thank you Lord, for everything.

ONE MORE DAY!

2009-05-07T21:48:00.000+08:00

OHMIGOSH!!!
IM SO SO SO EXCITED FOR TMR!
TMR'S MUSIC FEST!
THE DAY I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!

AND IM SO SO SO SO EXCITED!!! :D
BUt i think i should stop thinking about it cos if i do, i might lose the magic needed for tmr.
Oh man. I feel it in ym bones.
I cant wait to perform.
I cant wait to wow crowd.
I want to win so so so bad!

I WANT THE 5HR RECORDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah well.
But i guess the most important thing is to lift it all up to God, and give him all the glory. Really. (:

I once watched this american idol lady sing the same song im singing- If i aint got you, and when she sang, it spoke to my heart. God spoke to my heart saying that you dont have anything if you aint got him in your life. And i really pray that God will use this God Given opportunity to his glory, and that it will touch the hearts of ppl, and GOd will use this song to speak to the christians in VJ. Hmm. Gotta do something to show that. Maybe i'll look up in the sky and mean it from my heart. (: WOOTS!

CANT WAIT CANT WAIT CANT WAIT!

But before that, i gotta get through PE napha.
Bummer. T-T

2009-05-04T00:30:00.001+08:00

Draw me nearer to you

Nearer to you

Fill my life with your presence

The way you want to

Till my soul i ablaze

Each and everyday

Draw me nearer

Nearer to you

My Dream.

2009-05-02T00:43:00.000+08:00

I dare to tell you now
That my dream has always been to be
SINGAPORE IDOL.

Im finally old enough to join the competition.
And im dying to go.
But i cant. :(

I cant because i have many priorities-
Track, Studies, Exams etc.

And Singapore Idol happens to fall on all those periods where its Study intensive.

Any fool can tell its more important to concentrate on my studies now when i need to. Cos its more important than a competition as such.

But its my dream.
When your dream stands before you, do you take it, or leave it because of things that hold you back?

I wanna join so badly.
Its my dream.
But i think i need to make a decision against it.

Oh God.
Help. :(

If it is indeed for me,
it will come back in two years time exacly.
After im done with my As, waiting to go into the U.

Oh God i want it so badly.
Please let it come back in 2 years time.
Please. :(

3 Miracles. (:

2009-04-22T20:40:00.000+08:00

The past 2 weeks have been crazy.
and i really mean CRAZY!

Last week, i was totally stressed out over 3 things:
1. Bio Test
2. Music Fest
3. Nationals.

I was soooooooo stressed out and emo that chantel and jesselyn didnt know what to do with me. :P Haha.
But i really have to thank the both of them for their support. W/o them , i think i wouldnt have made it through the week. It was quite horrid. haha. (:

Well. (:
During the week i was totally struggling.
Gafar was totally uncontactable and i had no idea what else i should do for music fest and i really wanted to get into finals and do something amazing. and the fear and stress i was having whilst worrying about my performance was driving me nuts.

On top of that, i was worrying about my bio test cos i didnt get to study it at all until the day before because i've been training and getting ready for my competition, which i didnt feel that ready for either.

And in desperation, i said in faith- God, i need a miracle.
And i stand(sit) here today, happy to declare that the Lord has indeed granted me a miracle.
3 miracles, in fact.
3 solutions to all i had worried about.

SO.
My discus last tues wasnt too bad.
I got 4th position. From the 2nd to the 4th.
28.49m.
I wouldnt say its my best cos i think i could have done better, but im proud to say that i tried my best and i guess im really okay with not getting top 3 la. (: What to do. haha.
But after that competititon, i really felt very pumped up and excited about shot putt. So i guess it was quite a good morale booster. Thank God.

After that, i had to worry about my bio test because i really havent studied for it at all.

Well, i managd to stay up and get some or most info into my head, and thankfully, whatever that was important remained in my brain when i did my test. Im not sure if i passed or failed, but i think i did good because i managead to finish the paper and i feel quite satisfied with the outcome of it. (: So thank God for that miracle, really. (: It was amazing. Seriously.

Although by then my bio test was over, i was still very very worried about my musicfest semis.

Just then, Jessica encouraged me by sending me an sms and by encouraging me with the courage that she has to face her trails and the faith she is holding on to which is only growing stronger. It really encouraged me, but i was still worried.

lol.

On friday, i still hadnt chosen a new song, i still couldnt find gafar, i was still freaking out.
Somehow during the day, i kept feeling in my heart the song "I could only imagine." And i felt the Lord remind me about something i said to him, that i would do a song that honours him for music fest, and in return he will honour me for it. I remembered that, but i still felt uncomfortable singing that song because i felt like it was boring and had no climax when i did it on the guitar on my own at home.

But somehow, i just knew in my heart that that was the song i should do. That that was the song of that season. So on impulse, i decided on it and told Thomas i was changing to that song, with a guitar and nothing else.

I was still really nervous about it.

That evening.
That friday evening. After training,
LinXin begged to hear me sing my song because she woulndt be there to hear it.
At the same time, Mervyn adn Jesselyn came by and they too asked to hear it.
Somehow, i didnt cringe, i didnt avoid it, but i gave in to the request.
I felt like performing it for them.

So Mervyn adn Jesselyn went to kope a guitar from the sailors for me to use. And when i sat on the benches outside the gym with the guitar, as ppl walked by, they stopped to listen. So from a group of 3, it grew to a group of about 10 ppl. Half of which knows me.

I sat there, a little shy, yet more daring. I felt energy and faith grow from within and i made a disclaimer that i didnt know the lyrics. So i just sang what i felt from within, from my heart, with my instincts. I plyed the guitar and sang My chains are gone and then I can only Imagine.

And there and then, i knew that indeed that was the song i was meant to sing for my semis.
That was the song that not I had chosen, but God had chosen for his Glory. (:
No he's not being selfish, but that was the song that really expressed who i was, and totally showed what i can do vocally and emotionally. It was a great song.

And whne i performed it there, there was onyl one word to describe the atmosphere:

Magical!

I felt like there was magic in that place, and my vocals were perfect, just the way i wanted it, just the texture. It was perfect. And i believe the rest fell it too. My audience were thrown in a deep intense silence as my voice resonated through the great space that there was between me and the rest of the world. I couldnt keep my voice to myself because it would hinder my range. So i just threw my voice out, not caring about who else would hear because i just wanted to perform. (: It was amazing.

So i checked up the lyrics of the song, tried it one or two times on the guitar to settle the chords and tried to memorise the lyrics cos i obviously didnt know ti. :P Haha. The verse la.

The next day started with the semis.

I dressed up, practiced once, warmed up my voice a little then went to report at the PT. I wasnt excly that nervous, but i was anticipating competition. I know VJ has many vocal talents so i was checking out my competition and psyching myself up for it at the same time.

During then , i decided to dedicate my performance to God because he was the one who helped me pck that song, and i felt in my heart it was for his Glory, and i wanted to do it for his Glory. So i told God that if he has intended for me to enter the comp, then i will get in, and even if i dont, well, i still enjoyed the experience and that is good enough. (:

When it was my turn, i went up onstage.

I was really nervous back stage so i did my own stupid stuff backstage and i managed to calm down. When i went onstage, i was prepared to sing, and i had this awesome big spotlight shining on me. (: I was so ready. :D

So i introduced myself and i sang with all my heart.

There were a few screw ups like STILL forgetting my lyrics and having to make them up, dropping my guitar pick and ending up looking like im scratching my ass, and nearly dropping my guitar. Haha. :P

But despite all these obstacles, i remained calm and managed to get through the whole performance well and having all the emotions i wanted to have get across. My vocals were relatively good that day and i managed to hit the high notes well so that was good. (: and i was pretty confident about my performance. I even saw the judges clapping! :D Yay me! :P hahaha.

But i felt that my performance for the small group on friday was still better. :(

BUt nevertheless, God was there ,and i really felt God there with me. (: It was awesome.

After my performance, many ppl congratulated me and told me i sang really well and many of them cried, Yupp. CRIED, TEARED etc. I was kinda stunned. :P I never knew nor expected that my performance would be so powerful. I was really glad that the feeling and magic that i felt and wanted to share got across well and im glad the audienced enjoyed my performance. (:

What was most encouraging was that this girl from SC came up to me and really encouraged me. She said that she admired my bravery to choose those songs cos they were christian songs. She also said that I sang with my heart and with genuine sincerity that moved the audience and that it was evident that i was honouring God and giving God all the glory during my performance and during the song and she said that was probably the best thing about my performance.

That really encouraged me because i felt glad that i had honoured God and giving God the glory with my talent that he had given to me. Though i used the song under the disclaimer that it was shown in a video shown to the J1s, i also mentioned that it was about the Father's love. Not only the Father's love in the video, but also, the alpha-father's love. (: And i just wanted to give God all the glory i could there and then, and im glad i did. (: I guess its a natural thing. haha. (:

Ah well.

So that was a load off my mind because i did good.

and after training, i received a message to inform me i made finals. (:

So it really was a miracle and a blessing from God relaly. (:

A miracle indeed.

This is one of the ways God turns bad things into your good.

Things came out so much better with the new last minute performance. (:

Thank God.

Oh. And that saturday, i was really really glad that i managed to catch piwei for a Hannah Piwei session before he left. (: We caught up while on our way to Kinnon's party. (: really really glad i caught him Hahaha. (: We caught up quite abit and im really really happy we're still really close. (: So i cant wait for his letter from melbourne! x)

OKAY.

SO!

The last thing i was worried about was my shot putt.

I refused to let myself think about having no competition because it would only hinder my performance and if i were to really think that way, i should just do stand throws and win the event. But i really wanted to break the record of 11.53m and get a good distance to give me a chance to qualify for SEA games junior and World Youth. Proably going ASEAN la. lol.

I decided not to think about the comp till that day cos i concluded i might get excited a little too early and end up having no more mental strength left for that day. So i didnt think about it till that day itself. Ate a whole lot at dinner the day before and made myself 3 pancakes for breakfast. :) Haha. Lots of energy for the day ahead. (:

My throws were quite screwed and i got quite worried during my throws. Heh.

My 1st throw was 9m. O.o

like, OMG!!!!

HANNAH THREW 9M!

Thats TERRIBLE! LOL.

My seniors got a shock too. I got a shock too. T-T

How terrible was that.

After that my furthest throw was 10.8m all the way till the lat throw which saved me. A 11.46m.

7cm away from the record.

The moemnt i saw it, i started screaming both in happiness and in anguish.

Happiness cos i hit a good 11+m,

anguish because i missed the record by a mere 8cm.

How sad was that.

But i still thank God for the miraculous last throw.

It saved me. Seriously.

Thank God. (;

I really feel like i deserve the medal this year.

I love the medal. and i really thank God for the miracle.

Its really a miracle. (:

AND i qualify for SEA GAMES JUNIOR. :D

Thank you Lord Jesus.(:

So.

I received a miracle when i had asked for one. (:

Indeed, i serve a faithful God.

2009-04-19T22:51:00.000+08:00

I made it.

I made the finals of Music Fest.

Thank God. (:

Stressed out.

2009-04-16T01:15:00.000+08:00

Too many things have been happening all at one shot.
Competition.
Test.
Music Fest.

And im fretting over every single one.

Competition's next tuesday but i dont seem to be performing.
I try hard during training but i seem to be hitting no where near the record.
And everytime i look at it, i feel like its within my reach, but i just cant and i dont know why.
I dont feel excited.
I dont feel nervous.
I dont feel anything and that scares me.

A voice within tells me to just take the gold cos its obviously mine.
And that makes me even more scared cos it shows that i really have lost that fighting spirit i used to have. I used to believe i was the only one that i needed to beat. But right now, i seem to have lost that too.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!

Then test.
Tmr/Today i have a bio test.
2 BIG chapters.
And i didnt get to study till today.
Its so horrible cos im trying to focus on my competition and i have no time on my hands to do my work and train and study at the same time! :(
So tmr's bio test...
si liao la...

And Music Fest.
My beat boxer is MIA.
I cant contact him and no one knows where in the world he is right now.
He hasnt been in school, his hp is off...
I dont know what im going to do cos the semis are in 2 days time, and we havent practiced and weicong hasnt come up with anything on his part cos he needs the beat boxing.
Oh God.
I have half the mind to leafve the competition and forget about music fest.

I need a miracle.

Im totally maxed out.

Discus. 28.49

2009-04-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

Here's a video of my Discus i did today. (:

Coach Jana videoed me and very very kindly sent it to my for my reference to look at the mistakes i made. (:

Well, today was nationals and my event discus.
Which if you know me, is not my pet event. (:
Well, i did expect a medal to a certain extent cos my discus is relatively good.
But i didnt get one, and im not too sad about it.

Its not my pet event.
I dont train hard on it.
What do i have to lose? (:

Well, my furthest distance was 28.49m.
Which is the throw that you can watch above, though you cant see the actual distance thrown. Haha. Im not too sad about not getting a medal. Well, i was 2nd until i got owned at the last throw. Haha.

1st distance was 34+ by Kelly. (:
She's really improved from last year.

2nd was some RIJC girl. 30+
3rd was by a girl from HCJC. 29.05m. I think she's not bad actually. Just needs alot more power in her throws.

So i didnt lose by a mere bit, i lost by some distance. So im not too pissed at that. If i had lost by a few cm, I would be SUPER pissed man. Actually, i dont think i would have been either la. haha. (:

I did my best, i fought hard.
And this is the result that God has given to me, so be it. (:
I acept it with a cheerful heart and thank God for it cos i've done my best and i have absolutely no room for regret. (: At all. (: So thank God. (: And Good Job to me. Haha. (:

Screwed up

2009-04-13T20:07:00.001+08:00

OK.
I needa wake up.
I realised im totally screwing myself up in VJ for playing too much.
So much for being in a mugger school. :(

Today, i didnt hand up my math cos i thought that cos i didnt have my GC i convieniently assumed i couldnt do the questions. So i intended to hand up like, wed.. since tues im not going to school. Well... I totally screwed myself up because my teacher just sent me an email to tell me she's giving me a ZERO for not handing up my work.

And its a COMMON TEST, mind you.
I just got a zero for my common test.

I have been taking the fact that im not actually doing well in school very lightly cos well, i think im still adjusting and i can handle the stuff when the time comes.
But somehow, when i realised that im getting a 0 for my test, it bugs me.
It bugs me big time.

I thihnk i need to wake up and seriously start taking my work seriously.
Junior College is no place to slack.
Its now or never.
And if never, i'll live to regret it.

Man.
I seriously feel so screwed.
I got a 0 cos of my freakin laziness...

Oh God.
HELP! :(

I need to start bucking up. :(
Time to turn mugger. :(

God only helps those who help themselves. :(

2009-04-12T00:39:00.000+08:00

This was a song that my aunt's fanily showed during her 70th birthday party that my family and i were invited to yesterday to a 6 star restaurant. I wouldnt say i was SO impressed with the food, but the fish and the prawn and the pulut hitam w ice creamwas FREAKIN AWESOME! The best. Seriously! :P

But the service there was really really good. HAha.If i had to look for a job, i dont mind working as a waitress there. Im sure i have enough charm to carry it off. ;) Hahah. :D

But i realised i dont quite enjoy being served. Like i dont relaly like the idea of ppl having to serve or be accustomed to my needs. Sigh... Maybe i should become a humanitarian. HAHA! I think i can make it! Seriously! :P haha. Ah well..

Thursday i met Ryan after school. (: After my crappy econs test that i didnt get to study for and seriously just tried my best. it would be a miracle if i PASSED. by golly... Sigh.. Ah well.

BUT ANYWAY
I met ryan!!! :D It was so awesome seeing him again after sooooooooooo long and catching up and all. (: Its so fun! I wish he was in VJ or something. hehehe. ah well. (:

The ACJC drama was quite impressive, i must admit. The show was really long, but i enjoyed it greatly. (: The plot was good and it didnt turn lame anywhere. The dances were awesome. (: But somehow, i felt like i didnt belong to ac. (: Im really glad i went to VJ instead of AC. I think i wouldnt have enjoyed myself as much in AC than i am in VJ. (:

The Lord knows best, ya? :D

I live to worship you.

2009-04-08T00:36:00.000+08:00

This morning, i went to school at my usual time.
I felt like playing the piano.
So since i had nothing important to place in the locker, i walked to the grand piano instead.
I sat down, and i started playing.
Though a few of the keys were a little wierd, i played with the keys that were available.

Well, i started playing the usual random stuff around the board, the usual 1645.
And suddenly, i felt like playing the bridge of How Great is our God.
So i did.
And from then on, i really felt the presence of God with me as i played.
I played on with How Great is our God.

And then God led me to another song.
And his presence was there and he spoke to me.
This are the lyrics of the song:

I Worship you
I worship you
The reason i live
Is to worship you
I worship you
I worship you
The reason i live
Is to worship you.

A simple song made out of 3 differnt lines.
As i played it, i started to sing it out in worship from my heart.
And when i reached the line "The reason i live is to wroship you", God really just spoke to me. And reminded me that my reason to live, is indeed to worship God.
Everything i do, i do it for the Lord.
Because my reason to live, is to worship God.

A great reminder. (:

2009-04-06T00:08:00.000+08:00

Hello.
I tried a facebook test on being an ACsian and here's the results:

100% Original ACSian
You are a true blue ACSian! It's like you're born to be in AC! you are passionate about AC; you know the school inside out! you definitely had the best time of your life in there and will prob miss AC after graduating from there.

LOL.
DUDE.
IM IN VJC!
LOLLLLL.
But i was pretty much born to be somewhat an ACsian.
Wonder if anyone would think im one. :P
HSould try one day.

You know, i've been into the 'Fake first impression thing'
Its actually quite entertaining!!!
i tried to be dao..
i tried to be irritating..
i tried to be cocky.
LOL.
SUPER FUN CAN! :D
HAhahahaha. Ah well. (:

Anyway.
Like i said, Piwei's BACK! :D :D :D
Oh man i cant tell you how much i miss him.
Cos i really really do! :(
I didnt quite feel it until he came back, actually. HAha.

Let me tell you my hilarious story that happened on thursday.

After school, i was debating btw going home and going to welcome piwei back.
So in the meanwhile, i went out with Jess, Mervyn and Hung.
Well, We started by watching half the soccer match against uh.. Acsi. lol.
We won, DUH.
The cheering's kinda pathetic.
Come on. Motivate me to cheer.
Merv was making a fool out of himself during cheers. Omg. it was hilarious. I felt embarrassed sitting beside him. Like you know "OOOOOOOOoooooooooo VJ BOLEH VJ BOLEH" Cheer? He went "OOOOOOOOO... OREOOOOOOOOO.. VJ BOLEH..." Oh man.. He was the LOUDEST of the crowd sommore... Lol...

Anyway. the 4 of us finally left and went to ice cream chef.
MEERVYN led us the wrong way and obviously the lost one aka Jesselyn couldnt tell the difference.. :P Haha. I kinda figured it was the wrong way but other than that way, we had no idea. So we kept walking. We walked for like half an hour, was completely lost, then i finally decided to call wenyi-who's an ice cream chef specialist. Haha.

Then we realised, at st pats, we should have turned right instead of left. And there mervyn was insisting it was the left. T-T Sigh...

so we took a bus back to st pats, and walked to the direction of ice cream chef, and found in in abt 2mins from st pats. Oh how much i wanted to kill mervyn for making me walk SOOOOOO much esp in those unwalkable shoes of mine. Lol. Time to buy a new pair! ^-^ Or maybe get rid of that corn on my toe or something. Its really starting to bother me.

SO. Anyway.
We got our icecream.
Its horribly expensive, though i must say quite creative.
I didnt get the best of blends, but it wasnt too bad.

Talked about wierd stuff with the 3 of them.
Was still trying to decide on whether to go to the airport or not.
Finally decided to go.

So.
We left ice cream chef, played a little fool, then mervyn had a bad fall into the drain. Lol. It was really hilarious. But im too lazy to explain. haha. (:

So i left for the aiport.
I tried to call my mum cos i wasnt sure if she would allow me to go.
But she didnt answer.
So i just decided to go ahead and go to the airport. HAha.
So i hopped on a 36 and went to the airport.
So excited to see piwei. :D

Then just as i reached the airport, like right at the airport busstop, my mum told me i cant go welcome him cos it was too late. T-T i was like so dehhhhhhh can. Omg.. lol. So i called felix and i felt so apologetic about it. :(

Ah well.
So i got off anyway.
Took some pictures to justify my journey there, then i bought some food nad went home. Haha. :P So i didnt meet pi wei after all.

Thank goodness also. cos there were so many flights from melbourne i had no idea which one it was. Sigh... Ah well. (: Hahaha.

oh.
SINGAPORE IDOL'S COMING THIS YEAR!
I WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Religion vs God

2009-04-05T18:01:00.000+08:00

God is not a religion ;-).
Religion:
1. An organized system or institution of belief based upon the traditions of men
2. The act of playing church, exchanging internal truths for external performance; substituting spiritual realities with carnal rituals.

God:
1. The pursuit of friendship with God.
2. Goes beyond what happens in church. He's part of your life in every way.

Read this somewhere
And i felt it was not too bad a comparison.
I should look for more.
Watch this space. (:
Its good revelation.

2009-04-04T23:53:00.000+08:00

I'de rather not talk about this saturday.

Except for one thing:
PIWEI'S BACK! :D
Did i tell you the long story of my trip to pick piwei up?
I dont think so. I'll tell you some other time. (:

BORING!

2009-04-03T22:33:00.000+08:00

Tmr there's all comers.
I just saw the start list and i have only one word to describe it.
BORING!

Aye.
All the good competitors not competing.
No fun sia....
:(

Kinda not looking forward to tmr's comp.
But then again, i really need to be excited.
So i gotta fight agaisnt the boredem and fight for my distance.
11.5m

My dad told me something relaly important today.
David defeated Goliath.

I cant let my intimidation of others break my confidence down.
After all, David defeated Goliath with God's strength.
In the same way, with faith, i can do the same thing.
God, i may just be a David, but i want to win the Goliaths in my life.
Be it distances or simply throwers themselves, Lord if i am the David, may you be my God. The God that was with David that defeated Goliath. We share the same God. And i believe if you could help David, you can help me. (: Thank you Lord in advance for what you are about to do.

Most of all, Do your will.

Struggling.

2009-04-01T01:15:00.000+08:00

Today i wanted to have an extra session of training and throwing and the whole idea of integrating speed from a lighter shot into a heavier one was really really smart and good and intriguing and i was absolutely looking forward to having training and training myself on that. However, things didnt go the way i had hoped.

As i started throwing, a few muscles started to ache. And it wasnt like ache ache. It was a strain or a pull at a few places and it hurt so bad i had to stop throwing. And i couldnt walk properly after that.

I was relaly upset with myself cos the past few days i havent been throwing well and my body has been giving up on me once in awhile. I felt the pressure on myself building up everytime i thought about how i might not make it to the various overseas comps i wanna go so so so very badly for. :(

And when i got injured today, somewhat at least, it really took a toll on me. If not for some distractions i had when i returned to the track table, i would have gone to a corner and cry. I dont understand why im not performing as well as i should, i dont understnad why my body's starting to give up on me, i dont understnad why im slowly giving up on myself.

Its getting tiring.
It really is.

My studies arent doing so well either.
I hate the fact that i cant understand and im not putting in enough effort to try. It just sucks la. I cant seem to understand half of what im learning now, and its only the beginning. Lord, help me.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2009-03-30T22:34:00.000+08:00

AYE!
Its been a long time eh? :D
Sorry for not updating recently. Lol.
My week has been SO AWESOMELY FUN i had no time to update. :P

SO!

Last week like i said was AWESOMELY FUN! ^-^
I bonded like SOOOOOOOO MUCH with SO MANY PPL!
Ok. Let me tell you one by one. (:

Monday was a mundane day cos well, we were back in school.
I cant remember much about monday, but it was fun, as always. (:
OH! Now i remmeber.
I talked to some ppl in class more indepth. :P
Like mok, zhenfeng, botin, si en... yea.
Nd of course had the usual fun and catching up with chantal and jesselyn. (:
Then training, which was quite tiring i think and we ended at 9pm.
Thereabouts anyways. Haha.

THEN!
Tuesday was the start of the awesomeness! ^-^
Tuesday was a surprise as we had HALF DAY OFF due to good A level grades! ^-^ We ended school at 10.30am. :D Then after that, my class went out for outing! :D And boy did we have fun and bond. I really wanted to be comfortable with who i was and with being around ppl when i came to VJ, and i found that i really was very comfortable with my class. Like i just opened up and just have fun. (: I managed to really get to know alot more ppl more well and find some same frequency crazy ppl like Hafeeza. OMG. We were doing SO MANY STUPID STUFF TGT! It was SO HILARIOUS! LOL!

I also got to bond with jesselyn and mervyn alot because we walked tgt alot because well, i left my camara pouch at some machine after cam whoring. hahaha. :P So we had to walk all the way back to get it. (: It was really sweet of them to walk back with me. (:

So anyway. After that, i went to Fairfield to get my Graduation cert and meet Jumana and catch up with teachers. (: It was SUPER FRUITFUL ^-^ And SUPER FUN! It was awesome to meet Jumana in her uniform and meet Tongjit and his usual nonsense. Then it was awesome to meet many of my ex-teachers and hear them ramble about Jumana's terrible attire and about sch and what nots. HAHA. So FUN! Really miss them. Somewhat, at least. Haha.

Really feels like my life in Fairfield is soooooooo far away.
I think im raelly having a time of my life in VJ la. :D
SO FUN! ^-^

After that, i went to meet Magdalene at Clementi for dinner to catch up. (: I really wish we could ave spent longer cos we were basically stuck at the same topic about her, but i didnt get to tell her much about my life in VJ. So, yea. But it was still super awesome seeing her in her self-declared ite uniform look-alike (PJ Uniform), and hearing her ramble about life and all. (: And it was so awesome catching up with her, really. (: Miss her so much. (:

SO. That was my VERY FRUITFUL TUESDAY! ^_^

Wednesday!
I had anothre half day! :D
It was because the track team went to support the X-try nationals, which was held in the morn. Haha. I think my group was quite awesome. :P Me Lin Xing and Kimberly and Wuileng. (: We went quite a distance down the race route and cheered for the VJ teams. (: We chose a smart position cos at that place, we could cheer for the girls when they ran to and back to the finishing line. :D So we cheered twice for the girls since they passed us while making their u-turn, and once for the guys because they didnt pass us again. It was quite fun la. (: Managed to get to know some more track ppl, and also catching up with more FMSS juniors. (: Haha.

Vj did quite well, i guess. 4th for girls and 2nd for Guys.
We lost to RJ, and when i saw the RJ track team, i was quite shocked cos i realised there were SO MANY national players in the team. Darn. I should have gone RJ. haha. (: Ruiyong came in 1st for cross country, so congrats to him! ^-^ Haha.

So after that, we cam-whored quite abit, then went back to school. Had lunch, slacked, and went back for the last 45mins of GP. haha. Which i found everyone to be half asleep. :P By the time i went for training, my whole body was tired man. Lol. I was so so so tired out. But i had to try and give my all during training anyway. Training was okay.. ahah. i guess. Tiring la.

But another slack and fun day. (:

Thursday!
I had Music Fest Auditions!
I was kinda nervous and i felt kinda wierd cos i dont think anyone's expecting me to join or to be able to sing. Hehe. SO i went to the holding room and saw 2 other girls. I registered, then sat down and read my lyrics, prayed, and decided against thinking about it. haha.

then the 2 girls and i walked down to the music room at 4.30pm. yupp. The music room's really nice, actually. (; The sound that goes around is really good. (: So anyway. I let the other 2 girls go first cos i wanted to see and have a feel of the competition i was facing. The 1st girl sang "Before he cheats" with a minus one. The minus one thing was a little intimidating, but i decided against feeling anything towards it cos i knew what i was doing. She was a little off here and there, but her voice quality's not bad, i guess. (:

Then i let the 2nd girl go next. :P She sang some chinese song. Lol.

Then i went up, gave my score sheets to the judges, then introduced myself. Then i told them i was going to sing "Can you feel the love tonight" and i wanted to do it with no accompanyment cos i wanted them to have a full feel of my voice. (: So i took a deep breathe and i sang. I think i did quite a good job out of it. (: Thank God. Ahhaha.

After that, i went to train on my own.
Did only 8 throws cos i wanted to train myself to push my all in that 8 throws, just like i do for competition. Cos i realised that im actually quite spoilt for time cos during training i just throw endlessly. And i cant do that for nationals. So if i dont get the distance within my 1st 6 throws, thats it man. No more. So i threw on my own.

Shermaine was nice enough to accompany me while i threw. (: And i got to know her a little more then. (: And after that, i went to the gym to do some power jerks. Then Thong en came along. (: Haha. It was the first time i ever talked to him about serious stuff, and i realised how nice a senior he actually is. (: In fact, he's just like me. haha. (: Really awesome getting to know him beyond that joker he always seems to me. I really thank God for blessing me with a great bunch of seniors. (: They're so awesome. (:

Friday, i got my blue slip! :D And i ponned PE! :D SUPER FUN! :D
Me Mok and Botin spent the period tgt. Trying to study. I ended up playing bo's ipod. :P ahaha. With mok. While Bo slept. HAha. SUPER FUN. ^-^ Then during the break before class, sien, Hafeeza, bo and i bonded through an interesting medium- MUSIC. HAHAH. We were like singing westlife like mad la. Super fun. (:

After school, i had training that ended kinda late? My legs were aching like mad from the crazy running. Gosh. Im getting slower! And thats cause for concern. :( Anyway. After training, it was like 7.45pm. So i was debating btw dinner with throws team or lcell. And i was tempted not to go for lcell cos it was so late already. My mum suggested i ask my coach for a lift, but i didnt know whteher to or not. So while i was changing in the toilet, i just said to myself "成是在天", and when i walked out of the cubical and peered out the door, i realised my coach's car wasnt there any more. So i thought to myself "I guess this means i shouldnt go for cell.". The moment i walked out the toilet, there my coach's car was, waiting for me.

MY coach offered me a ride and i accepted. So i went to church and here's the best part- My coach and his wife fetched me all the way to church w/o me knowing it! OMG! I was so shocked. Seriously. Haha. I was so amazed at how God provided.

And i had no regrets going to church. Cos i drew closer to God, discarded all the things i had been struggling with, and really just opened up the channel that was kinda blocked. (: Finally received a vision from God for my school. I saw myself in a very dark place. And I stood up and lighted a torch. The moment i did that, many others started to light up their torches as well. I felt the vision was a call from God to rise up and be unashamed and unafraid to be the christian God has called me to be. To start sharing the word of God and standing for all i believe in, in christ.

After lcell, i talked to sis raine about leaving worship min, and she gave me till the end of april to decide. It is true im still a little undecided about it, and whether it is a different season. I must indeed pray more and seek God more about this issue. Cos i dont want to make a wrong decision that will affect my walk with God negatively.

After that, i caught up with my cell sps plus a few more. (: we had diner at macs and caught up quite abit with some peeps. (: The world is so small, seriously! I met one of Jumana's BOB victims! AHHA! What a joke, serously. ;)

Saturday.
Training...
THAIPAN with Huij and Wuileng.
Then church. (:
Caught up abit with Jessica. (:
I think we're relaly gonna get along and i really really wanna sow into her life and help her grow. (: I really do believe God has set me over her for a reason. And i dont want to let yet aother life go wasted in my care. so i am going to rise up and take ownership of my sb. (:

I realised that the cell's actually going through alot with Bro Victor's transition out of the cell. And i realised how much more i need to step up my game. Julian's like our cell leader now la. And i cannot sit by the side and do nothing. There's a reason why God put me in this cell. Though i resented the thought of it at the beginning, i knew that God had a reason to put me in this cell. And i guess it was for such a time as this. (: I need to start praying, start waring, start believing for growth and nurturaton to take place in the cell. And i need to rise up as well. Leading the cell is no one-man show. (:

Service was good.
Worhsip was POWERFUL!
It really amazes me how much Benny has grown in her annointing as a worhsip leader and the quality of her voice. (: Im proud of her. (: Really. ahhaha. Worship was really good. The fast songs really spoke to me. Actually, all the songs really spoke to my heart this weekend. It was awesome. (: Sister Gwen's message was really powerful. (: she's awesome man. I hope she becomes a pastor soon. (:

After that i went to Uncle Phillip and Aunt Siong yu's house for their baby dedication that my dad was doing for them. (: Had dinner and had GREAT COFFEE. :D And met one of the noisiest and cutest little girls ever. Haha. A tad too noisy though. Makes me feel somewhat happy i dont have a little little sister. Lol. :P Ah well.

SUNDAY.
Chinese tution was a bore.
It was interesting, but my body was way too tired to handle all that. Haha.
I wanted to go down to support the VJ team, but i didnt get to cos my parents werent too keen on me running around. So i didnt. :S Ah well. Boring Sunday la. Haha.

Monday.
Thats today!
The music fest semifinalist list came out.
I GOT IN! :D
Im a music fest semi finalist! :D
Thank God!
Now i gotta think of a good performance for the semis cos the competition's getting tougher!
Any suggestions? :D Hhahahahaha. (:

Be still.

2009-03-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

I think my mind has been a raging storm recently.
Many thoughts shooting around all the time.
When im alone, i think and think and think and come to no conclusion to the things i need to think about. I want to talk it out, but yet i want to find the right person and time to talk about it. I want to solve the problems, but there are no solutions i can find yet.

What do i do?

My flu's a bother, i cant think clearly.
I feel so far from God, my mind was fluttering during service.

But today, it was a very interesting service.

I couldnt worship God properly.
I was distracted by many things like the things i was thinkiing about as well as my flu.
It was like a wall that i couldnt bridge past.

But still, i think Pastor Andy's message was a timely one.
About Suffering and how we can find hope in God because God will provide a way to breakthrough the problem and how we need to persevere through the trials because through perseverance comes growth in many ways.

Well, ive been struggling with many decisions, many thoughts, many things that are bothering me like a splinter in my thumb. Its subtle, but yet it still bothers.

I think the altar call was a great idea. The idea of leaders lining up and then youths going up to their leader and telling them the area they're struggling with. Its amazing how powerful it is.

I went up after awhile of struggling with my pride.
I wanted to go up to sis Grace since she was now my leader, but she had her hands full, so i went to the next free leader- Sister Lorraine. Yupp.

I told her that i think i need to reconsider my priorities and that i felt far from God.

So she prayed.
And she said that she was reminded about the story of Mary and Martha. That Mary had decided to stay by the Lord's feet to listen while Martha was distracted by everything else that needed to be done. And she said to me that what was important for me was to be still and wait on God. That i need not be so caught up doing everything else and striving to complete the things to serve God, but rather be still and wait upon God.

And she said God was never far away. But i was too busy to listen. And i needed to be still and wait for God for a few moments. I had to wait and be still. For a few moments. Like literally.

So after she was done, i stayed at the altar and just stood still. And pressed into the presence of God, wanting to have a more intimate conversation with him.

as i stood there, Sis Vivian came and prayed for me. And her prayer really struck the nails in my head.

She said that she felt that my heart was weary by what, she did not know. She said it could be ministry, it could be meeting ppl's expectation or even expectations of myself. She said that i was holding onto something and that it was holding me back. Im holding on to victories of the past, of the glory of being in the limelight. And she said something about serving God, but i cant quite remember what. And she told me to be still before God. Be still. Be still.

And it really spoke to my heart.

I have been contemplating leaving Worship Ministry.
Yepp. Big bomb to those who know me.
I feel like my heart isnt there any longer and the commitment is getting too time consuming as my JC life piles up. I dont know if there is any other underlining reason behind it, but i am thinking about it. Im going to start praying about it and im going to talk to sis varina about it because i need to be sure before i let the worship leaders know.

My heart was indeed weary of the ministry. I was getting tired and worn out trying to reach the expectations set by the ministry. Not that its bad, but rather it has been set so that we may serve God to the fullest. Perhaps my laziness of sort has caused me to be worn out because i start to find it a chore. Or maybe i just need an attitude re-adjustment. I dont know. thats why i didnt approach the worship leaders yet. And thats why im going to talk to sis varina tmr.

Holding on.
What exacly am i holding on to thats preventing me from moving on?
Ministry?. Perhaps. I dont know.
Previous victories and the glory and limelight...
Doesnt that sound so familier?

I dont know.
But one thing both leaders said was to be still before the presence of the Lord.
Be still, and wait upon God.

Be still.

The Power of "Thank You"

2009-03-19T21:19:00.000+08:00

Thank You.

Two very simple yet powerful words.

Most of us take them for granted.
Yet when used at the most appropriate time can make somebody's day.

We use it to express our gratitude.
We use it to to prove our point
We use it out of politeless
Yet sometimes we use it in scorn.

Thank you, two very simple words,
yet some find hard to say.
A simple Thank You can change an opinion about you,
or a lack of can cause as misjudge about your character.

Obviously my poem skills arent very good,
but allow me to try and prove my point.
Hahahaha.

Anyway.
I realised today how powerful these 2 words can be.
Like in America's Next Top Model, the judges find it very rude if a model doesnt understand the meaning or how to use Thank You, and it may cause a model her position in ANTM.

In the workplace, i lack of thank you may cause your boss to be very unhappy with you for being an impolite employee, or in school its just plain rude not to say thank You to your teacher when they've done so much.

Thank You.

What makes it so special?

Well, today, Steven really made my day though he didnt do anything. He said these simple 2 words- Thank You.

I've been planning the THOR outing which totally didnt work out and though it is quite a hassel, i dont mind doing it because well, its for a greater good. And i also do want to see everyone and i also want to help everyone see everyone. If that makes sense to you. Haha. Well, i used like 50+ smses to try and organise and no, im really really not complaining but im just explaining the situation. Haha.

Anyway. I was really touched by Steven cos he was the only one out of the whole group to thank me for putting in effort to organise the outings and stuff. I felt like Jesus when only 1 leper came back to thank him. Haha. I guess that Thanks meant so much more because out of the many of them, only one came to thank me. And that one Thanks was enough. It warmed my heart and i felt like all that i've given has already been paid back to me.

Thank you.
2 simple yet poweful words that can melt a cold heart.

Thank you.
2 words that can make someone feel loved and special.

Thank you.
2 Amazing words that made my day. (:

Obesity!

2009-03-17T23:57:00.000+08:00

Obesity's the new in thing!
Look at the trend every health shop is showing!
It shows that Obesity is the growing trend in every country, every city and every state!

Look at the fast food chains!
They're booming like never before!
They're advertisements are so invitingly awesome!

Look at the big kids!
Some can outrun skinny ppl!

So what are you waiting for!
Start eating!
Stop losing!

Obesity's the new in thing man! x)

9th

2009-03-17T00:29:00.000+08:00

Now would you take a look at that.
I came in 9th.
One position short of aother 3 throws.
AH THAT SUCKS

Its even worse to know that the 3rd pos is only 27m...
Which is also my normal discus distance with not much effort.
What the nut happened.... T-T

Aye...

And that Stupid Steven said he got 2nd because everyone else screwed up.
But even if that was the case, i think it was a good loss cos he lost to Joel Wei.
Not bad la.
hahahaa. Losing to a national runner.
Not bad after all. (:

Maybe, just maybe i'll have a few VJ ppl going to ASEAN. :D
Pray harder!
SO FUN! ^-^

4E

2009-03-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

Today i went out with 4E for dinner at Fish and CO.
I really felt very alien and distant from everyone.
Like i didnt belong anymore.
It felt wierd, like i became different, and everyone else became very indifferent about it. Kinda wierd, but i guess thats what happens when you leave the group.
Somewhat, at least.

I dont know.
But nevertheless, it was graet seeing everyone again. (:
Good to know everyone's doing well whever they are. (:
Perhaps Victorians are different from ACsians. lol

A flop. Haha

2009-03-15T00:31:00.000+08:00

Today.
Was an interesting day.
Haha.

Well, i had all comers today, and i went hoping to get at least a top 8, though i secretly wanted a top 3. :P Hehehehehehe.
Well, it didnt quite work out that way.

I went for discus actually feeling quite good about it, and having the good throw feeling.
I felt rested up and ready to throw.
BUT.
My throws werent good.
My furthest throw was 25.15m.
AND. I didnt get into top 8. LOL.
Which shows the standard has now risen.
And its time to stop taking discus as a joke if i really want a medal.

What a joke, seriously.
HAHAHA.
Hannah didnt get top 8.
No one believed me la can.
Lol. I told Ms Tan and she thought i was lying.
HA!
Aye. Even champions can fall once in awhile.

Well, considering its not my main event, its totally fine that i dont ge top 8.
The problem is, though its not my main, my discus can still make it to the top few.
Cos of my brute strength.
In fact, everyone expects me to be able to throw 30m easily with my brute strength.
Sigh.. I think i just need to get the whip in discus.
After that, i'll be okay. Haha. (:
Ah well.
Thank God anyway.

Looks like a one day rest does work for me. (:

After comp, which took horrendously long because of the number of ppl there, i chit chatted with some throwers and all, and then went to bath and wait for my sis.

By the time my sis was done, it was 5+. but i decided to go to church anyway. So i did. And i went into the halls at 5.45pm. Thankfully, sermon hadnt started yet and they were still worshipping. The moment i walked in, i felt the presence of God. So i went to a place and sat by myself and started worshipping God. And the moment i did that, i felt the spirit starting to minister to me already. It was amazing.

Oh yes. Special mention of Haruki that walked all the way to my seat to pass me a bulletin. (: So very sweet of him, really. (: And Samuel who walked me to my seat and asked abt my comp. Haha. (: Awesome CHes. ;)

Like i said, i had been struggling to keep myself on my feet, keep myself from falling. And i realised that all i had to do, was count on God. So when the songs came, esp counting on God, the faith in me rose. My trust in God rose. I knew where the issue layed and i decided to count on God cos that was all i ever needed.

It was amazing how everything in that short service spoke to my heart. Like it tugged at my heart strings and hit the nail in the head for many things. The Holy spirit convicted me about many things i had been thinking about and have thought about and he brought it to surface. All i had to do was to trust God, really. And trust that the Holy Spirit knows what he's doing.

During altar call, i responded cos i knew indeed it was something i needed to respond to. And 2 leaders prayed for me, Bro Vic and Sis Gwen. Bro Vic's prayer was really powerful and it hit the nail in the head. He prayed many things but one of the things that struck me was that i would be placed on places of great influence so i may lead ppl to go the right way. And sis Gwen's prayer was one that was laid on top of his. That the peace and gentleness of God and the Holy Spirit was upon me. And that God is going to use me to let his peace and gentleness to minister to someone sometime soon.

How amazing is that?

An outspoken person with a gentle spirit.

Quite amazing huh.

But it doesnt mean i need to act demure. HAHA. (:

Ah well. I think that it was really amazing, and indeed, God's presence was there. (:

After church, i rushed off to UWC to go for their musical with Jumana and her friend, bryan. It was quite an interesting musical and i realised that the main lead had a low vocal range, like me. Like she never went beyond a certain note, but still sounded good. And her vocal range was somewhat like mine. :P Quite cool huh. Might be a sign. :P Ah well. (:

Well, i dont know how to end of nicely to this one.
But i guess its been a relatively interesting day.

AM seriously considering training more.
I need it if i seriously want to hit 13m and get a 30 for discus.
God help me.

Im Counting on God.
On my sports as well.

Uncle Jimmy

2009-03-14T01:48:00.000+08:00

My Dad's friend, whom i've always known as Uncle Jimmy passed away on Thursday Morning.
Although he's not quite considered my direct friend since he's my father's friend, i felt a loss when he passed away because I've known him since young and he's one of those uncles that watched me grow up. I saw him stand by my father, supporting, caring, and warring for my dad and i've really come to love having him around.

Its really sad that he passed away so soon.
But I thank God that he is with the Lord, and that he's led a victorious life.

I just want to share a little something about what the Dewers and the South Mins people came together last christmas to bless him, because it really shows how much God loves Uncle Jimmy. And im still left in awe and wonder everytime i think about it.

The sweetest song Ive ever sung was not today, nor yesterday, nor the day before.But it was on Christmas eve.

On the evening of christmas eve, My family and I, together with a group of friends, went down to visit my dad's friend who had cancer. WE wanted to bless him by singing a group of carols. And its really amazing how things worked out. It was so evident that the Lord really loves him.

This particular person is Uncle Jimmy. Everyone calls him my dad's armour bearer because he has been like the armour bearer for my father. Always supporting him in everyway he can. And he has led a great and victorious life for the Lord, and the Lord has used this little event to bless uncle Jimmy. This is what happened:

My dad wanted to do something to bless uncle Jimmy. So he got together a few old and close friends to get together to help do this for uncle Jimmy. From a group of about 10, a group of about 30 people went to bless him.

My dad needed christmas carol lyrics for everyone so that we may all be able to bless him with this event. But he had juts returned the carol sheets used in Island Wide Christmas party back to church and hence, had none left for us to use. This got him worried for quite some time. But yet, i saw the faith my father had that God would provide. Up till the day before the event, my dad still couldnt find any source of lyrics for us to use. Just as we were about to find from the internet and print it out, my dad found a whole set of about 70 carol sheets lying at a corner of the room, recently dug out whilst clearing his room. He took it, and there it was- Our source of lyrics.

The lyrics had been brought all the way back from Canada. And it had been kept away till he took it out recently, w/o the plans of singing carols for Uncle Jimmy. It was amazing how God had prevented my dad from throwing away the lyrics. but keeping and preserving it and even causing my dad to take them out just when they were needed. Indeed, God was using these little ways to provide the blessing for uncle jimmy.

To cut the story short, my mum was able to find someone to sponsor food for refreshments for the ppl going. It was quite amazing. My dad had also been spending some time to look for ppl to play music for us to sing to. I did offer, but my dad wasnt quite satisfied that i could only play in G. Then, someone offered her son to go, and her son brought someone from CM to come play for us. And on that day itself, we had not 1, but 2 professionals playing for us. God provided once again.

So we went on that fateful christmas eve to uncle jimmy's house. My dad had asked me to do a solo of silent night during the event. I agreed. And after about only 2 rounds of practice at the void deck, we went to his place to bless him.

As we started to sing the carols, i sensed a great presence of God in that place. In fact, i felt that it wasnt just us that were singing the carols, but a whole chorus of angels were there to sing along. I couldnt see them physically obviously, but i could somehow sense and know that they were there. I could hear them sing for suddenly, the music and the chorals were so majestic, so powerful, so amazing.

Just before it came to my turn, i took the opportunity to clear my throat and talk to God. For once in my life, i cried out to God to use my voice to bless uncle Jimmy and Aunty Margaret. I seeked not my own recognition nor my fame. But i wholeheartedly wanted the best to bless the couple. I wanted the best i could give so that they would be blessed. And when i realised that, i realised that i had broken free of the pride i once held. I no longer became about me. It became about them. It became about doing the best for someone else. It became me asking God to bless me so i could bless someone else. I was prepared.

So i stepped out and did my best. My voice was the best i could have ever given and my instincts guided the way. In fact, it became easier to sing the entire song. It wasnt as rough as it had been just before. I know that they were blessed by that simple offering i gave. It was the sweetest song ive ever sung.

I consider it the sweetest as God had used my voice to minister and to bless. And that is enough. Thats what happens when i give my talents to God and let him use it in his own way. He uses it to bless others. He uses it to bless me.The sweetest song I'll sing is when i leave my voice in total surrender for the use of God. And God makes it beautiful when he uses it for his glory. :)

Life's such a mystery.

2009-03-13T18:55:00.000+08:00

Life is such a mystery.
There's like so much going through my mind i cant exacly point out what im thinking.
What am i thinking?

Last sat, sis Varina came up to me and said she had a word for me.
"Dont compare, just be yourself."
At first, i found it kinda odd but important. And so i asked her to msg it to me.
And after she did, well, i did chuck it aside, somewhat.

Until recently, a sudden thought dropped into my head about the whole thing.
And i realised how relevant it was.
How i seemed to be losing myself as i changed with my environment.
As i stopped ferevently standing up for what i believe is right.
As i started to face a brunt of unfamilier wind.

What was happening to me?

Then i remembered sis Varina's note
And i whipped out my phone and looked for it. And the words
"Dont compare, Just be yourself" popped out to me.
I also noticed the "Be it in school or in worship min etc..."
And it really struck my heart.
What made me unhappy in subtle ways.
Why sometimes i didnt seem content to be where i was, who i was.

It was because of comparison.
Comparing my position to others.
Comparing what i was before and what i was now.
Comparing my differences with others.
Comparing.
COmparing.
Comparing.

Until i forgot who i was.
Until i forgot that God had set me aside with a different destiny.
Until i forgot the promises of God laid over my life.

Who am i?
Where is that Hannah that would never waver from what she believed in?
What was i thinking?

Good Girl Gone Bad indeed.

And it hurt to think i was losing myself.
It hurt even more to think i had let myself come close to hurting God.
It hurt the most to compare.

Why compare, Hannah?
Just be yourself.
You are unique and your circumstances are differnt.
You dont have to follow the world because they arent the ones that forge your destiny.
YOU ARE!

You're in VJ.
Everyone who got in got in through either brains or brawns.
And most of them are brains.
Why compare?
You know you're the kind that needs to work hard.
You know you're the kind that needs to be consistent.
You know you need to add an extra effort to do as well as the rest.
STOP COMPARING ALREADY!

You're in worship.
Things are changing there.
We're going a new direction.
We have crossed over.
Why do you keep looking back and remeninscing the old?
Why do you keep embracing the way of the old when the way of the old is no longer applicable in the new season?
STOP COMPARING ALREADY!

God. Has set me apart.
God, has given me gifts that i have that many may not be blessed with.
God, has chosen me for a different purpose.
Hence, many things in my life are not going the way i intended it to be because what seems right in my eyes may not nessecarily be what God sees as best in his eyes.

God intended me to be great.
Why settle for anything less than ordinary?
And to be the person and victorian (pun not intended), i need to trust in God and in myself.
I tend to forget to trust both God and myself. I need to trust God because he knows what he's doing, as he always has, and i need to trust myself. Because only when i truely be who i am and only when i follow what is true to my heart, then i will be happy and satisfied with life.

Why compare?
Just be yourself.
And know that God is still God.

2009-03-10T22:53:00.000+08:00

I have nothing to blog about. :D

Different

2009-03-09T23:17:00.000+08:00

Today,
I had a really fun time with my class and class mates as usual. (:

I tried i new style today. :P
Everyone was blown away. hahahaha.
I tried to braid my hair and its been really succesful recently after months of practice in the car when i have nothing to do. :P hahaha.

I tried it yesterday when i went to church.
Ppl said i look different and better and etc...
But the real interesting responses came today. Hahaha.

Some ppl took awhile to recognise me...
Others were mesmerised by my new found beauty...
Most said i looked different,
and even more said i looked Demure...
HAHAHAHA. x) So fun la can!

I only braided my hair and let down my fringe...
What a sight to see. haha. x)

Ah well.
Perhaps i should actually change my hairstyle to that.
Monday wednesday and friday will be the sports hair and shoes,
and Tuesday and Thursday the demure hair plus nice shoes. hahahaha! x)
Ah well.

Anyway.
I think im getting closer to my classmates and we're really starting to have fun.
Though the work part's not really working out THAT well. Haha.
But its fine cos they're all so darn smart anyway. ;)

I love VJ. (:

2009-03-09T00:48:00.001+08:00

Me tired.
Me feel like doing something.
Me Dont know what to do.
Me missing something.
Me dont know what im missing.

Me want to live life to the full.

Me loves Jesus. (:

Confidence, babe!

2009-03-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

Lol!
Seriously, i think i have a confidence issue. T-T
Unbelievable.
For someone blessed with many talents, i get intimidated by competition very easily.
For example, i totally freaked out after realising i was one of the smallest throwers in Asean, but still came in 4th.
And now music fest. lol.
I know I've got the substance but i keep doubting myself.
I dont know.
But i cant let this go on.

Hannah, get a grip!
You're fine, really.
And just do your best.
Have confidence in yourself to be able to go far.
Cos you can.

CONFIDENCE, BABE!

My Mouth

2009-03-05T00:17:00.001+08:00

God spoke to me about my mouth yesterday through ephesians.
And i really found what God said to be true.
I've really been too careless with my words.
In fact, i might have come across as a mean person.
Not that i meant to, but the impression i give may seem more mean than witty.
Not that im exacly a witty person. lol.

But as i thought about it, i really thank God for the friends that i have because they still accept me with my big mouth. Lol. But i have decided to watch my mouth from now on. So that i may say things at the right moment, and encourage more whenever i can. (:

Chased out of class

2009-03-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Today was seriously a joke. lol.
But other than a joke, i think it was the first time i have ever paid much attention to class. Esp Econs lecture. Haha. I think Bio's chapter on enzyme is easy to understand and oh. Lectures are SO FUN! ^-^

Today during bio, other than Mr Chong putting himself in btw Botin and Jasper, we were having alot of fun. Haha. Me and Hansheng were trying to sabo each other by screaming each others name to volunteer to answer some bio question. hahaha. (: So fun la pls. :D Though i think Mr Chong was a little irritated by that. :P

The day was rather fun as usual. (: Made alot of noise as a class as usual.
I think we're all getting closer and getting to know each other better. But like Chantal said, we're not very close yet. But then agaain, we've only known each other for a month. (: So, its not surprising. haha. I somehow feel that now as we spend more time with each other, you can slowly see the characteristics of different ones become more prominent and you start to see who they really are. And i think its quite interesting. (:

Well, during PW, i got chased out of class.
Yupp, you'de better believe it.
The model student and Best Girl award winner for sec 2 in Fmss got chased out of class in less than a month in VJ. How awesome is that.
It was extreeeeemely embarrasing and i felt really horrid that i wanted to cry. But i was more shocked than sad and i couldnt stop laughing because i felt it was really ridiculous that i got chased out of class. Hello. You've got issues man. Me? Hannah lee? Chased out of class?! Omg....

And the reason is even more gay okay.
Because i didnt bring/do my EOM article to class. T-T
What the nut la seriously.
And its not like im not serious in my work okay. Walao.
lol.

Mr Chong wasnt exacly angry or disappointed.
I kinda figured he wanted to use it as a psycological warning to the class and to the few of us. lol.
And i happened to be the lucky no 1 first batch. T-T Great. T-T lol. Ah well.

After class, Chantal and I did the Pegasus banner that no one kindly helped out with. So it was just the two of us. I didnt mind though cos i think its actually easier to manage cos you have quality control. But ah well. Halfway through we kinda realised we needed more paint of other colours and better brushes. So we got Jesselyn to help us get them after her date. :P hehehehe. :D And she so awesomely nicely helped us get the stuff. haha.

So we nearly completed it. In fact, it already looks awesome. Like one of the best Pegasus banners? But Chantal wants to add a little more flavour to make it look even better. So hold your horses! The most awesome banner's coming up soon! ^-^

I got Botin to join captain's ball with me for VOG. :D Yay! Hahaha.

Oh. And i joined Music Fest.
Now all my friends are trying to get a sneak preview of my voice.
Lol.
Ah well. (:

You should have seen the look on Thomas' face when i signed up for music fest.
lol. Ah well. (:

Pushing the Limits

2009-03-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i checked out several competitions that i had aimed to go and compete for for this year. And most of the results were to my utter disappointment plus horror.

1) I cant go for Asian Youth because im too OLD. T_T 1 Year too late. :(
2) To qualify for Sea Games Junior, i need to throw at least 11.65m during an official competition.
3) To qualify for World Youth held in ITALY, i have to throw 12.50m

O_O
seriously.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Anyway.
Today i had VOG shot putt event.
As somewhat expected, i didnt do that well.
I really wanted to though, but it just didnt come through today.
I felt kinda tired and i really wanted to sleep before the event. Lol.
But i still gave it my all, but yet i hit a mere 10.50m. T-T
Though i totally trashed the record.
But it was still horrendously disappointing i didnt hit my 11m.
Everyone who knows me is anticipating me to hit my 11m.
And i can imagine my competitors cheering loudly when i hit an official 11m because they're really awesome competitors. (:

Aye.
The best part is, i threw 11m after my official 6th throw. T-T
Me and Fush were stunned man.
And i was sooooooooooo pissed, seriously.
Coach wasnt too happy with Fush's and my distances as well.
lol. Its relaly horrible esp when you constantly hit 11m during training. T-T
At least it was a constant 10.5 i guess... Which means im ready to shoot even higher cos the mark has been broken even. and with an extra good throw, i should be able to hit even further.

Im really contemplating training everyday.
It seems like if i dont train on some day, my body looks for action on its own. lol.
Im thinkign of taking abt an hour after school on tues and thurs to throw because my archilles heel is really my technique. So i need to find a way to correct it, or risk opportunities to represent Singapore. :( *Sigh..*

Anyway.
After throws, we had some gym training.
And i nearly died.
Literally.

Clean was pretty managable.
I did 50kg but i felt great and perhaps could do heavier weight.

Step up was a killer.
I did 45kg for 10x5 and i really had to grit my teeth and get through the exercise. I usually do 40kg, so i guess 45kg was a big leap for me. Well, it really made me exhausted and tired out and i shouted while doing the exercise to get myself to continue the exercise. It was terribly strainious.

The thing that kept me going was the thought "World youth... World Youth... World Youth... You have to train to get to World Youth..." And that really made me push myself to my limits. I felt everyone's eyes on me, and mind you, the gym was full of ppl then. But i didnt care. I couldnt. If i were to lose concentration by a bit, i think i would have lost it or something. Aye.

But i did complete the sets and by the end of it, i was so darned tired out i just collapsed onto my knees and panted for awhile. It was quite bad i think. lol.

After that we had to do bench. I seriously hadnt recovered but i still went to try anyway.
The moment i lifted the 40+kg off the stand to do my warm up, my arms collapsed, i lost my senses and the next thing i knew, the entire bar/weight fell onto me. Somehow, instead of falling onto my chest, it fell onto my stomach.

I screamed, obviously. its no joke having a 40+kg thing fall onto your body. And it took about 3 seconds before anyone reacted. Lol. Then Huijuan and Fush helped me carry the bar back onto the stand and i fell off the chair. I wasnt exacly in pain but i wasnt exacly ecstatic either. Well, obviously. Lol.

I was quite tired plus a little not in touch with my senses at that point of time. It was like a point of exhaustion that you might faint if you pushed yourself anymore. Lol. I think its probably one of the worst exhaustion ive ever had yet. In Vj, that is. Lol.

But i thank God im still alive. I dont think the 40kg would have killed me, but if it had landed on my chest, i might have died, or at least land in hospital for a good long time. And really miss my comps. I really thank God because come to think of it, my hands were somewhat lead to move infront and the bar was pretty well dropped onto my abdomen. The best part it, when it landed, it wasnt a hard heavy land, but it was soft and cushioned. Maybe im just fat. But still, it could have hurt or injured my organs. yet nothing was damaged.

Thank God im still alive.

After that, my coach told me to rest and he wanted to reduce some of the exercises.

As i rested and walked around, i felt like crying. Actually, i did. I was upset and angry with myself. I was disappointed that i couldnt reach 11m, i was disappointed that there was a possibility that i wouldnt make it far, i was sad that i may never get to go furthur than Asean. I was afraid that i may never reach 13m, nor go past anywhere i was now. I was disappointed that my body gave way to exhaustion in such a dramatic way.

After ahwile, i pulled myself together and forced myself to stop crying. I rested, took it easy, and then continued with my training. After awhile, my body got its energy back and i decided to complete the entire training, without the slack coach had granted to me. And I felt really glad tha ti made it through training.

I feel even more thankful to my teammates. (:
They really cared for me and constantly cheered me on and supported me and checked on me wherever i went and in whatever i did. And that really touched my heart. Thank God for such an awesome team, really. (:

Ah well.
I need to push myself if i really wnat to get to the top.
Or at least get somewhere. haha. (:

Lord, like i said to you, I put it in your hands. I will work hard, but whether i really make it or not, i put it in your hands for you to decide. If you will for me to go, AWESOME. But even if you dnt, it makes no difference for i will still trust in your decisions. For your ways are greater than mine. And I seek to honour you in everyway that i can. So Lord, Be Glorified in all ways.

Draw me nearer.

2009-03-02T01:46:00.000+08:00

God touched me again.

Life has been perfectly normal. Ive been doing well in school, having fun, enjoying life, spending time with God. But somehow, i felt odd in church this weekend, and God met me this weekend.

During cell, i was pretty okay. Pretty normal and awesome as usual. But when Bro vic showed us a picture of a tree and kids all over the place doing different things, he asked us to choose one and say why it shows where you are in your walk with God.

I chose 2 kids. One girl sitting idly on a branch and one boy lying on the groud feeling dizzy from a fall. I hated to admit i felt like the boy on the ground cos i never like to show myself as weak or down in my walk with God, esp since im an SP. But somehow, i knew that if the cell were to start opening to each other and grow together, i had to start the ball rolling. For my own good, i had to let my cell and leaders know. For my own good, i had to admit to myself where i really was.

I said i was like the girl because i feel like im just sitting on a high branch waiting for things to happen, observing my view, looking out for what i can do, what destiny God has to bring. Its like waiting for God to lead me to make something happen.

But yet i was like the boy. Because i feel like i've fallen. And when i started on the boy, i broke out in tears, and i dont know why. I guess it hurt to admit that i had fallen. It hurt to face what i really feel. I felt like i've fallen away from where i was with God, i felt like i was losing myself and my values. I felt that i had lost many things and i felt confused and alone. And just like the boy, sitting on the ground feeling dizzy, i had fallen. And thats how i really felt because i dont seem to know what to do any longer.

After that, i did stop crying. lol. Then we sang Jesus loves me together, and it started again. Then i stopped after pairing up with Shalyn and Davelle and sharing with them how i felt and all. It was wierd cos i really had no idea why i was crying because i felt fine. Maybe it was the presence of God and i didnt even know it. lol.

shalyn shared with me this verse from James that said the testing of faith comes perseverence. And i had to persevere on with the testing of my faith. Yes God, i will go on beause i know that your way is better than mine. After that, i quickly made my way to chapel to serve.

I stepped onto stage really feeling okay and ready to serve. But God wasnt done with me yet. Instaed of the usaul Praise and worhsip, God turned things around. Pastor Andy called for an altar call for a few things. Emptiness, suicide, self worth and a few more. At first i didnt feel like answering it because, well, i was serving and how odd is it to disappear to the altars and let the whole ministry know that you're answering the altar call? Once again, i didnt want to seem weak in any area. So i stood my ground.

So i thought.

Well, the moment the team starting singing draw me nearer, i broke down. I couldnt sing. I was just stuck on the spot crying. So i gingerly put down my mic and went to the altars and knelt down before the Lord. To why or what it was, i had no answers. No one did. It was odd. Really odd.

Bro titus came and prayed for me. And even he said that i was Feeling something no words could describe. And indeed, no words could describe how i felt,. Then he prayed for the love of God and the love of the Holy Spirit to wrap around me and dig deep inside my heart. To warm my spirit and to break the spirit of condemnation. Condemnation of what? I dont know. Maybe God will reveal in the days to come, but i was really touched as i felt the Love of God surround me once again. To feel the presence of God so near his breath was only a tear apart. I felt comforted. I felt moved.

Then pastor Andy shared about Martha and Mary. And it really spoke to me. Instead of always fighting and fighting to stand strong, i should be still and embrace the presence of the Lord. For that is enough. Just like an empty vessel that lets the power of God fully flow through.

Then just as i thought altar call was going to end, Bro Victor came to pray for me. Though at the back of my mind i thought "what a joker", but deep in my heart i was glad he came. And he prayed a powerful prayer that spoke to my heart. That i must hold on to the promises of God in my life and believe in mypurpose in VJ. That i will be the warrior of God that God has intended me to be. And that i need not fight so hard, but allow the Lord to fight for me.

And after that, was communion and service per normal. I felt really refreshed and comforted after altar call. It was amazing. God met me once again and truely surprised me. Because i did not expect to meet God in such a way that saturday.

Indeed Lord, draw me closer to you. Its my heart's cry and desire to sit close to your feet. To serrve you with all my heart. And to see hope rise and see people come to know you for who you are. Just as i have, lord. Indeed, draw me closer to you. I desire to be closer to you.

Draw me nearer to you
Neare to you
Fill my life with your presence
The way you want to
Till my soul is ablaze
Each and everyday
Draw me nearer
Nearer to you

Standing at the crossroads.

2009-02-28T00:38:00.000+08:00

I really want to change to H1 bio.
But it seems that if i change to H1 bio, i cannot take Dentistry in NUS because it requires H2 bio. And that really sucks because i really dont want to take H2 bio because there is really so so so much to mug. :( And i dont exacly have the time nor the capacity to mug. How?

If i take H1 bio, i might have to change my course in life.
And i dont exacly want to do that because I dont really know what else i want to take.
I dont exacly know what i want to do, nor what i want to be when i grow up.
And every decision i make now seems so vital to what i will be when i grow up.
Will i be a dentist?
Will i be a Physiotherapist?
Will i be a lawyer?
I dont know.
And i dont seem to be getting any answers.

My mum made sense when she said i only need to slog it out for 1 and 1/2 years and then have my whole career set before me. 1 and 1/2 years of madness only... Should i take it up?

I need to pray about it.
Do pray for me too, ya?

Thor (:

2009-02-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

Today was a day well spent with Thor. (:

I started the day with Cross Country. T-T
Started at the back of the pack, overtook alot of ppl, and still ended up facing a WHOLE big group of people crammed up infront of me. T-T Then i gave up trying to overtake. Haha. Didnt push myself as hard as i did during PE. Walked a little, but lest then 400m. The most hardworking thrower. Haha. Then at the end of the race, i wanted to just give up. but Wenxin ran beside me and waited for me and cheered me on and that was so awesome, really. She helped me push myself to sprint the last lap and that was really awesome. (:

Thanks Wenxin. (:

After that was just mass dances, cheers and prize presentation. Lol. Pegasus didnt do too well. Mainly because we dont exacly have many sports peeps i think. Ah well. (: I wasnt at all put down by the results because its not our fault all the crossers arent from pegasus. So why freak out, panic or be demoralised? There's still time to catch up. (: GO PEGASUS!

Anyway. After cross was stupid bio tutorial. T-T Which was totally UGHHH. T-T I think its a really dumb reason to make us make up a lesson that wasnt our fault to miss. T-T And after cross country also. T-T Though i did learn something, i still think it was raelly dumb. lol.

After class, went out with a few Thor peeps. Finally went to Taipan. (: SUPER CHEAP SIA! $6 per person leh. And super nice food too, may i add. (: Kudos to Brendan and Wenxin who went everywhere to get ZiFeng's cake. (:

Super fun.

And after that Wenxin, Steven, Weiyi and I went back to school to chill while i went for training. Before that, we were all talking really heart to heart at the canteen, and after steven fell asleep, we totally did stupid stuff to him. Hahahahaha. :P Super Super Fun!

Though i did something totally embarrasing i shouldnt have done. T-T
I think VJ has seriously made me crazier by one notch man.
Oh dear. LOL.

Training was mainly some light throws and all.
Everyone was seriously zapped of energy.
Sigh. Thank Goodness training ended early.

After training i washed up and went out for dinner with a few Thor peeps.
Brendan, Wenxin, Weiyi, Claire and Derong.
We went to where the OG started getting close-Just noodles at Suntec. (:
The 6 of us really talked ALOT and chitchatted and really bonded alot. (:
Super fun sia.

Made fun of each other, talk about life...
(: really found my family in VJ.
Somehow, whenever im with my OG, i feel a sense of acceptance and familiarity.
Like we dont have anything to hide and we can just be ourselves.
And for once in VJ,
I sang.
I sang with my real voice, with a little something of what im fully capable of.
I felt comfortable enough to do it.
And i dont know, but im not the only one who feels this way. (:
Its just really like a family.
Thank God for such an awesome OG. (:

The Best OG of my life. Seriously (:

Thor 1!

Home Based Learning

2009-02-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

I hate to admit it, but Home Based Learning was fun! ^-^

either that, or im just easily amused. Hehehe.

The teacher speaking over the net so quickly just tickles my amusement, seriously. O my goodness! So fuN!!! ^_^ I was utterly amused by it. :P The class totally went mad during all the Dimdims. LOL. Spaming the chat room, talking rubbish, leading a discussion into very extreme crazy directions. Like how taking a bus to jurong is supposed to save some guy $10, but we led it to the money being saved to eat chicken rice, get bnaged by a bus, and God knows what. SUPER FUN! ^-^

Well Well.

I still think im a quiet person. :P

But seems like the whole world seems to disagree.

lol. Try la. Try la.

One day i shall keep quiet. :D Haha

See what happens.

I very noisy meh. T-T

Ah well.

Its been so crazy these few days.

The weather has been crazy and i couldnt compete on wed for shot putt. :( I was soooooooooo sad cos i felt really good about my throws that day and i really really wanted to throw. Apparantly, many people signed up for their events but most didnt turn up. T-T How odd. Scared ah. Lol. Im not even scary la pls. Check out my fierce photo:

Haha. Got this when Caleb Kay wanted to get a nonya boon shot at macs. :P *sigh...* the good ol Musical days.. (:Anyway. Not scary right! :( Why do Victorians think my fierce look very scary? Haha. No big deal la. :P haha. Bet its just for fun. x) Chased Brendan everywhere one OG dinner cos i gave him the stare. haha. Its odd isnt it, i have the stare in Fmss, and i have a stare in VJ. HAHA! Different ones though. Oh wait. The fmss stare is called 'The Face' HAHA! Man. I really miss yellow and blue. :(

Anyway.

Life's been full of interesting events.

Its hard to explain but its just full of intersting events. Different ppl, different culture, different friends. Indeed, a 180 turnaround from what i knew as my world. But i'm dealing with it. (: im handling it. Im surviving. Im here and smiling and kicking. (: haha. (: It gets hard once in awhile, but i'll deal with it somehow.

I managed to catch P.Andy on Tues when i went to PL to find dad. We wanted to talk and catch up and there's like sooooooooo much i wanna tell P.Andy cos the last time we caught up was... lol. last year? 2 years ago? *sigh...* Its amazing how much we talk and how indepth we go. (: I really enjoy talking to P.Andy cos i can be real, he understands and he genuinely cares. (: Its so awesome that he's the pastor in charge of Z2 when i just stepped into Z2. Its like a familiar face. (: Haha. Thank God for that. (:

Ah well.

Tmr's cross country and im not exacly looking forward to it.

Tmr im also going out with my OG and i am TOTALLY looking forward to it! :D

Except that my stupid tutor insists on a make up class after cross country as well as TRAINING. T-T Why are they so hard core, seriously. I kinda miss haoyi cos i had the freedom to do what i wanted to. :( *sigh...*

Happy Birthday haoyi, btw.

One of the Bestest coach ever. (:

Random tests. :D

2009-02-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

Your EQ is 133
You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others.
Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
You are warm and open.
Even when life gets you down, you're unafraid of the world and its challenges.
You are comfortable with who you are.
And you accept your weaknesses - as well as the weaknesses of others.
While you are quite stable, you don't respond perfectly to every bad situation that comes up.
But you have enough emotional intelligence to know when you need a course correction.

What Flavor Jelly Bean Are You?
You Are a Peach Jelly Bean
You have a distinct style that you don't really have to work for. You're genuinely quirky, and people love your understated charm.

What Kind of Juice Are You?
You Are Carrot Juice
You are a warm, cooperative person. You work well with others.While you have a fairly strong personality, you don't have a lot of clashes and conflicts.You are ambitious, but not ruthlessly so. You won't step on anybody's feet to get to the top.You are successful, and all your success has come while looking out for others.

What Color Traffic Light Are You?
You Are a Red Light
You take life at a slow pace. Life is long, so what's the rush?You are very selective. You don't make a decision until you're sure it's the right one.You have amassed some wisdom in your life, and you put it to good use. You don't act rashly.You are fair and impartial. People can count on you to do the right thing, even if you take some time to figure out what that is.

What's Your Ideal Career?
Your Career Type: Enterprising
You are energetic, ambitious, and sociable.Your talents lie in politics, leading people, and selling things or ideas.You would make an excellent:Auctioneer - Bank President - Camp DirectorCity Manager - Judge - LawyerRecreation Leader - Real Estate Agent - Sales PersonSchool Principal - Travel Agent - TV Newscaster
The worst career options for your are investigative careers, like mathematician or architect.

What Should Your Superpower Be?
Your Superpower Should Be Manipulating Fire
You are intense, internally driven, and passionate.Your emotions are unpredictable - and they often get the better of you.Both radiant and terrifying, people are drawn to you.At your most powerful, you feel like the world belongs to you.Why you would be a good superhero: You are obsessive enough to give it your allYour biggest problem as a superhero: Your moodiness would make it difficult to control your powers

What Font Are You?
You Are Times New Roman
You are formal and conservative. You're concerned with how you appear to others.For you, maintaining a good reputation is important. You want people to trust you.Elegant and classy, you always maintain your composure. You are never crass.You are professional, competent, and upstanding. And it shows!

What Dessert Are You Most Like?
You Are Tiramisu!
Light and lovely, you pack a punch.You never overwhelm... but you always leave a lasting
impression.

An Email. A Reminder.

2009-02-24T21:23:00.000+08:00

We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot.
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,

there will always be sunshine, after the rain....

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;

But God's always ready, to answer your call.....

He knows every heartache, sees every tear,

a word from His lips, can calm every fear...

Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,

But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light...

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,

to give you His grace,

and send you His love.

This email was sent by a friend.

And this email was sent to encourage me at a very timely time.

I was extremely encouraged and God touched my heart.

Its a reminder to us all that simply knowing God is not enough.

We need to carry our cross all the way.

The full cross.

(: haha. Hope you've been blessed.

Thanks Adriel for the email. (:

Not good...

2009-02-23T23:21:00.000+08:00

I think my throwing is deproving. :(
I dont know what happened but ever since 2 fridays ago, i've been struggling with my throws. My reaction is way off and it seems im really struggling to get my body in line with training. I dont know whats happening to me and it relaly sucks esp when i want to improve so badly. :(

My coach was telling a few of us about how some people are just born strong.
It was then i realised that im not big enough to be a great thrower.
I wasnt born especially strong, but i was born stronger than average.
I dont know and i dont blame God. But you know i just cant help thinking about how things would be if i were bigger, if i were stronger. But then again, if i were any huger, i wouldnt look as fantastic as i do now. So.. I dont know. Its just a mix of fantasy plus the desire to win.

I have a great build, though one of the smallest for a thrower.
I have strength, though not the speed nor the technique good enough to aid the strength.
But most of all, i have God. And he never fails me.

For i know the plans i have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Indeed, God has a plan for me. I dont know what but right now, i need to trust God. Its not easy considering all the odds starting to come against me. But i know that my God is greater than all. So what do i fear? What should i fear? But have faith that God knows what he's doing.

I may or may not be the best in the world.
I will strive to be the best in the world.
But for now,
for this year.
Being a champion in Asia would be awesome.
I want to stand on the podium and receive my medal.
I want to hear the national anthem played in my honour and in my glory that belongs to God.
I want to make my parents and friends proud of me.

ANd im not gonna let any setbacks stop me.
Training is super hard and intensive.
But im not giving up.
Im gonna give it my all.

I am an athlete.
And i have God as my guide.

Mugger School. T-T

2009-02-23T01:07:00.000+08:00

You know previously i said i prayed my class starts mugging?
I totally take that back.
OMG.
I pray the school stops mugging. Seriously!
Omg...
The school is darn mugger la!!! Omg....

Its my 3rd week of school and im already mugging like i was for O levels la!!! Omg...
And everyone's like mugging.
And teachers are chasing us for work and all and telling us we dont have time cos we started school late.
Then we have projects.
Yes. PROJECTS.
And i had to do some 3-D Bio protein model by the weekend.
I wanted to murder the teacehr.
Seriously.

GOD SAVE ME!
WHY AM I IN A MUGGER SCHOOL?!?!
I feel so darn stupid now la.
Walao...

Drained

2009-02-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

I was super moody today in school.
Just felt quite checked out and tired and very worn out.
I suddenly started missing everyone today. :(
Everyone of my fairfield commrades, and it felt like my old life was so far away...

I smsed Binkai telling him i missed him. :(
Cos i really did.
I missed amy and ryan too! :(
All my crazy ppl...
I didnt miss Jumana so much cos i've been in touch with her...
But i really missed everyone! :(

And after that, in the afternoon, Jumana smsed to say she missed me..
Whats with today?
Why are emotions running so high for no reason?
:( I really really really miss everyone and everything of my secondary school life.

Vj has been treating me well.
Very well.
But i've been so drained...
So tired...
I dont know why... :(

2009-02-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

The three awesome ladies! :D Haha.

In Sec school uniform. :P

The last day we could wear it. :( :)

AH WELL.

School has been super fun so far.

The class is really bonding tgt and though there are prominant cliques in the class, the class is still united as we still mix around rather much and the class always sticks tgt. The class is like super happening la!

Other than always being the noisiest class during lectures, we are planning sooooo many things to do as a class. All the fun stupid things. ^-^ YAY! :D

Well, we started wearing the VJ uniform this week!

ITS SO FUN!!!!

But my skirts are a tad short cos the lady cut abit too much and the slit is really short but the ladt said it looked better that way. T-T Upon closer inspection, i think the skirt looks better with a longer slit and i wished i had made it a little longer. Darn. Should have trusted my instincts again. T-T Ah well. My skirt's not THAT short la. Its 4 fingers above the knee. Still longer than shorts so... *shrugs*. Ah well. Live with it. Its quite comfortable anyway. (: Just not used to it yet la. Try wearing knee length flare skirts for your whole life. Heh. Its quite a difference.

School's been fun la.

I LOVE LECTURES!

And totally hate tutorials.

I pray my tutors get better.

And i pray my class starts mugging. Haha.

We're all seriously still orientation mood la can.

If at any point you ask me to do a cheer, i serioously would drop everythihng and just do it la! HAHA! Or maybe thats normal for Hannah.

Hmmmm....

(Which explains the cheerleading bear from the 3Js)

HAHA!.

Ah well. (:

I love VJ!

Saturday

2009-02-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

Hello!

Last sat was quite a disaster, yet a miracle.

Last sat was the 2nd all comers meet, and i went for it.
My event went terribly wrong.
I just wasnt up to it.
Just the day before, almost every single throw was a 11m.
And on sat, my furthest was only 10.46m.
What a disaster.
Even my competitors didnt want to congratulate me because they knew it wasnt my best and even they expected more from me.

Well, i was actually really touched by that. (: It was a breathe of fresh air and i really appreciated them not congratulating me. It showed me that they cared for me beyond a competitor, but as a person, as a friend. Though we are opponents, they still wanted the best for me. And that, is awesome sportsmanship.

Joanne and Jaime were ultimate losers.
They totally mixed up their event timings and hence missed both the shot putt events. Lol.
What jokers man. Seriously.
*sigh...*
Sorely missing an awesome senior like me. :D

Anyway.
I felt quite sad about my performance and after the competition, i had a long discussion with my coach. Well, we came up with a few conclusions.

1. Now we know I need at least one day's rest.
2. The problem with my throwing is my technique. My strength is more than sufficient.
3. I can peak twice in a year. LOL!

Oh well.
I guess it was a blessing in disguise. Better to make mistakes while i still have time to correct them than make them and cost me much during a prestigious competition. Dont you think? Haha. (: Thank God anyways. (:

After competition, i went to watch my sis for awhile. She's actually pretty good. Needs to work more on her technique though. Haha. (:

After that, we went to church. My mum picked us up and we reached church slightly late but just on time. Haha. (: Well, i stepped into service extremely depressed. I dont know why. But as the praise started, i decided to praise the Lord agaisnt all odds. It was hard and i was about to burst into tears. But as i jumped and praised the Lord, my heart burst into joy and hope. and Something changed. Like a burden was lifted from my shoulders.

Worship was really awesome esp with the launch of the new song. God's presence was so prominant, so tangible, so powerful. I fell to my knees and broke down in the presence of God. Where i found protection, love, and comfort. Freedom to show how i feel, freedom to share what my heart felt. I felt the powerful presence of God. I knew what i was missing- God.

Through the sermon, God led me to many things. When sis raine spoke about Moses being the man in the lead, the man that led the ppl of Isreal, the man that had to lift his staff to show the direction to go, the man who rose to lead the ppl, I felt the Lord tug at my heart. Somehow, i felt that the Lord was telling me that i was that moses. I was placed in his situation. I had a people with no direction, with no God. And here i am, a christian wanting to do something great for God.

Its quite interesting when i think about it, the past 2 weeks, i havent been offered or given or volunteered or actually self-volunteered to take up any leadership roles. Its so amazing. Perhaps God has intended for me to lead in other areas i have yet to have seen.

Thinking back about that too, Its been a rather interesting week.

During the week, I've been exposed to different ones that are christian, different ones who are not. Several christians that i sense really have a thing going on with God, and i sense 1 word while conversing with them- Destiny.

Mr Melvin Tan also approached me on the track cell thing we used to have. And he wants to start it again. Apparantly, there are alot of christians in Vj and we saw many salvations last year. And he's gonna call for another meeting. Perhaps i was meant to be the leader of that cell? I dont know. But somehow, there's a calling. And im about to answer the call.

Indeed, during the service as i seeked the Lord, as the Lord found me before i found him, i found the refreshing of my spirit. I found realignment. I have been astray ever since i stepped into VJ. My priorities and courage shaken. But as the Lord encountered me, he reminded me to stick to my principals. To my love for him. And to hold on to the promises that he has made to me. He will pave the way for me. And that i have found favour with the Lord.

After all, isnt favour with the Lord more important than favour with men?

Ah Lord God.
Help me to trust in you in Faith. Help me to be bold in worshipping you in school. Allow me to encounter you in my own times in VJ, just as i have in Fairfield. Lord, i believe for great things to happen. And Lord, pave the way, and go before us all. For what result will a battle end with unless the Lord is with me?

1st day of school! :D

2009-02-11T23:33:00.000+08:00

HELLO!

Today was the first day of school!!!
Like the real real stuff. Hahaha.

WE started classes for real today. (:
Other than it being a little boring, i think the day was actually quite interesting.
All the J1s are still in orientation mode, everyone's still REALLY blur and taking SUPER long to do their work. It seems like all the O level stuff has been thrown out the window! Hahahah!
Super funny la!

Thankfully, my brain's still working a little faster and im actually managing to get some stuff into my head. haha. Ah well. Its really interesting la. Needa get back on the study track. *sigh...*

On the bright side, my class is SUPER HAPPENING CAN!
Ok. Maybe its not exacly a good thing, BUT it is a great thing that im now just a normal student! ^-^ I dont have to be such a rule follower goody-two-shoes anymore! ^-^
Ah well.

During our first lecture, CHEM lecture, which was more like physics, lol, my class kenna scolding! HAha! Super funny can! We were sooooooo caught up trying to figure our questions out that we made SOOOOOo much noise. And when the teacher wanted to continue, we didnt realise till she shouted at us. HAHA! It was actually quite funny. :P

The Chem tutor is kinda on the dull side but i hope things get better. Well, she'll only be with us for what. Two months or term or whatever. Its kinda hard to understand her, but thankfully, she's still covering the O levels syllabus. Like empiriacal formula. T-T How hard is that.

My GP teacher's AWESOME! :D:D:D
She's like suuuuuuuuuper hip can. Walao. Hahahaha.
:D

Ah well.
I am getting to know the class ppl more, though i still seem to be hanging out with the normal ppl. But ah well. Best to belong somewhere first, right? Thank God for the friends i have so far. Really. (:

Training was quite bad today, i think.
For the first time ever, my arm gave way totally during bench press.
Thank GOD my coach was the one supporting me. I doubt anyone else could have saved me from myself.
I was doing 77.5kg bench and by the 3rd rep, my left arm totally gave way, i couldnt push anymore and a pain shot right through my left arm. What am i supposed to do? I was silently screaming for my coach to pull the bar up for awhile. haha. It was quite bad. really. I was kinda disappointed with myself. hehe.

But other than that, my body's used to VJ's training already so, thats looking well, i guess. Haha. Getting closer to the track team and that's seriously awesome. :D yay! hahaha. Im really looking forward to my future with VJ.

And oh.
I openly talked about God today. :D
Great start! :D yay!

Ah well.
More to say soon! ^-^
Cant wait for all comers this sat. ;)
Meet all my thrower friends again! :D

09S32

2009-02-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

Hello Hello!

These 2 days i've been having class orientation and its really quite fun! :D
Found a couple of friends and we've been like sticking together already.
So thank God for that. Seriously. Haha.

Well, my class is not yet that united, but everyone's friendly and like trying to find their place in the class. We're about to select our CT rep but other than that, everyone's just being really nuetral and fun and awesome. haha.

I've been considering taking up leadership positions. Was thinking of volunteering to be part of the CT com, but im not really sure if i really want to do that. Am thinking of joining house com, but i really wonder if i can cope. Im sure i'll be one heck of a coocoo crazy house commer. Haha. SHould i join? I bet yall would say yes, but we gotta remember my track commitments are insane and im as tired as it is reaching home after training. In fact, i honestly, think i may have days i dont manage to complete my work cos im so tired. But thats what the breaks in school are for.

Received my timetable and its quite crazy, in my opinion.
But there's like so many breaks, i think i'de actually be quite thankful for them.
Hope to be able to study during those breaks.
I think i actually have to. Haha.

Well, my class has been awesome. And i hope it will continue to be that way.
We met the senior 32 class today and they did some really horrible stuff to us.
Im really quite horrified/traumatised still.

They started by making us do some really stupid stuff like jumping jacks across the corridoor while chanting 32. Omgoodness, that was indeed horrifying.

Then they planted some fake ppl in the class and those fake ppl really made a mess of the whole entire class. I nearly wanted to change class. It was THAT BAD.

But anyway. After realising those crazy ppl were a fake, things got back to normal. Aye. Thank God. Thank God.

Buying uniforms tmr with my 2 friends Chantal and Jesselyn. (: haha.
We decided to go buy it tgt. So we're going to buy it sometime tmr.

Found out a few christians in class.
Its really quite interesting how it came about.
But the ppl in the class seem quite wary of christians and what they do and stuff.
So, it may be tough, but its not impossible to spread the love of God.

Im not a natural forcer.
In fact i hate to force ppl to do things.
And esp so when it comes to religion cos its so sensitive.
What i prefer to do is to just live my life to the fullest, and making sure that God is glorified with my life. And that ppl will be impacted by the way i live my life cos that is the most important. Being and living the example is so much more important than preaching it outright. Because only when you walk your talk, then your intergrity is not questioned, and the love of God is not wavered in any way.

I guess i need to grow in the area of standing out and speaking out for my faith.
And its not easy, really. But i dont wanna see my friends live life w/o Jesus. So empty, so hurt, so lonely, so purposeless. I want my friends to live life to the full. Just as i am.

God, im here, clueless.
Come hold my hand and guide me, wont you?

VJC Come on come on come on!

2009-02-08T21:19:00.000+08:00

Oh well.
HELLO!

CHECK OUT MY BAD SUNBURN!

The joke on friday was that if i had a crest on my forehead, i'de be JUSTICE BAO! HAHA!

But then my friend said i was too red to be justice bao cos he's black.

So i'm more like guan gong! haha!

What a joke.

Ahwell. Its been awhile since i've blogged a good serious post cos well, i've been super busy + tired. Orientation ends late and after that is either training or dinner. Heh. Go figure.

So by the time i reach home, its either 10-11pm, or i'm too darn tired to do anything else. Hence, i sleep, and skip using my com. haha. :D

So anyway.
Orientation was AWESOME! :D
I actually ran onstange once to lead the school in cheer.
hah. Not bad right.
But i tottally embarrassed myself a few times.
ANd i kept hiding from the sun in many ways by the end of orientation.
Behind sleeves, under shadows.. haha. Ah well.

Well.
Orientation was super fun thanks to my awesome Group Thor1!
The OG Thor was awesome too. ahah. But apparantly, my group was one of the most totally enthu group. So thats really great. :D We kept playing hand games and that was really really fun. :D So... Hahahaha. :D

I think my group really bonded and we all really had alot of fun. I'de love to recount every single moment but i dont really feel like doing so. Heh.

Well, We played lots of games and the games we played are like super fun.

And i'de love to recount all the moments but there's just too many!

The mass dances are SUUUUPER FUN MAN!

Though they totally rushed through all the dances, but it was still fun while it lasted. Hahaha.

Whiney whiney whiney woo! :D

Well,

I've got my class and its 32. Whatever that means.

I dont know anyone yet, but i pray and hope that my class peeps are awesome and that my teacher is awesome too. :D Tutor, i mean. lol.

Well, I find VJ ppl really really really friendly!

I get to know ppl from everywhere. Literally!

From sitting beside them in the hall, from being in the same large OG, from random aquaintances to even lining up for the toilet! As long as you've seen them once, just smile and vuala! You're friends! How cool is that!

And like even if you have met only once or something, they'll continue to say hi and have small talks every time you meet. Its so heart warming i couldnt ask for better. (:

What an awesome school.

Looking forward to getting to know my class and doing God's will! :D

GO VJC!

VJ BOLEH

2009-02-05T23:10:00.001+08:00

VI
VIVA
VIVA-LA-VICTORIA!!!

I LOVE VJC! :D

IM A VICTORIAN!

2009-02-02T21:50:00.000+08:00

SO!

Today was my first day of school at VJC.
I was actually quite lonely, but i didnt feel the loneliness.
I guess God's presence was there.
(:

God was nice enough to send me a friend i was acquainted to by chance a week ago at the dsa/appeal briefing in vj. And we chit chatted and hung out for awhile until he had to leave cos he wasnt yet supposed to join the orientation. So after that, i was alone. And i was actually quite fine with that. (: Haha.

Well, after collection of packages and really awesome stuff, we had a rather long briefing by many ppl. Principals and HOD telling us more about the school and subjects that we could choose to take. Sort of have an idea, but not quite done choosing yet. *sigh...*

Anyway. After that we were to change and meet in the hall to meet our OGs. The girls took horrendously long to change and i ended up queuing for like 50mins just to change, okay. My goodness. They need to come to Fairfield. HAHA.

But anyway.
I wont say how i felt with my group cos i think i shouldnt be saying bad things bout them. So i wont. ahha. They're not bad la. Just different. Different from FMSS, different from the methodist ppl. DIFFERENT LA, OK. Ya. So i felt kind of wierd in the beginning but i guess a few sudden spurts of my randomness started something going and we all started warming up. So thats a good thing, i guess.

We had like indepth briefing on some subjects and i went with my OG mates for Econs History and Geog. And honestly, im super tempted to take geog now. HAHA. (: So i just might take 1 science and 1 math instead. We'll see how it goes.

Im actually aiming for medicine or dentistry so i'de definately do math and chem. just not sure about the rest. I think its more importatn to score than to do what you think you need to help you in the U, when its not even a pre-requisite. So, gotta see how.

I think i should ban myself from looking at TSD cos my whole mind and body itches when i do. I want so badly to go for TSD, but i cant. COS OF TRACK.

Asian Youth or TSD.
I think ASIAN youth la ha.

OH YA.
UNI GOT DSA LEH!
I got hope liao. :D
Praise the Lord.
Hahahaha.

Anyway.
Towards the end of the day, we had games and my group was so awesome.
And we had cheer and cheer battles and that was SO AWESOME!
You know how i love to cheer. :D
Even better when they are fierce cheers.
I LOVEEEE. :D

The OGL are my type- CRAZY and INSANE and SUPER ENTHU!
We cheer every 5 mins, and the OGL have their own range of crazy cheer.
Its such a breath of fresh air, i think the FMSS council should learn from it. :P

I love the VJ cheers.
And then we learnt the 1st mass dance.
It was kinda rushed, but we got the gist of it, and everyone was SO INTO IT!
We were dancing with ppl we didnt know, but we still danced like a family, like we didnt care. It was so so so much fuN! :D
Whiney Whiney Whiney WOO! :D

Ah well.
Thats a summary of my first day.
Hope the rest of the Orientation will be even better! :D

Thank you GOD! :D